It Was a Great Run

Yep, all good things must come to an end. Done. Finished. Over. Not a Favre-esque retirement, either. Our busy lives have allowed us only a half-assed effort for some time now. That’s no way to treat the best Wisconsin Sports Blog on the Interweb. Thus, we’re shuttin’ ‘er down.

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read/commented our garbage over the years. Especially Anonymous, that guy is awesome. We reached 400,000 hits, which is 380,000 more than I thought we would ever get. Thanks.

While we enjoy the Albert Pujols Lovefest All Star game, a retrospective celebrating CH is in order. Here’s some of our best/worst work since Day 1. I’ll now enter third person mode from here on out.

2007

Brad has an email read by Czaban on Bob and Brian. It was obvious at least 3 more people wanted to hear more of his thoughts. Chuckie Hacks is born.

Matt doesn’t hate Cubs fans, he pities them.

We get an inside scoop from a friend. Post it on Charles. It ends up on Brewerfan.net. Which starts a discussion on the very meaning of Brewerfan.net and blogs in general. Excellent.

Goldy signs free agent deal with Chuckie, makes the first of many Muppets reference.

The Chuckie Hacks fascination of mini-horses takes hold.

Matty Wise earns the first gas can reference in CH history!

Port Washington High School (Matt and Brads Alma mater) basketball goes to State. This happens with Hailey’s Comet-like regularity.

Matt documents Opening Day 2007 with this fantastic diary.

Deadspin picks up Brad’s “ESPN is a Fraud” post. Later, it will be mentioned in Deadspin founder Will Leitch’s book. No joke.

The gang votes on The Most Painful Moments in Wisconsin Sports History.

Matt predicts the Packers to go 3-13. They finish 13-3 and damn-near goes to the Super Bowl.

A harmless Marquette post turns into stories about Freeway trying to sexually molest people. This continues the quality content on Chuckie!

Ever meet “Captain D-Bag” on the links? Matt has.

Brad predicts the WIAA football playoffs based on mascots. His predictions go 1-6.

When GB was 11-2, Brad asks where the TT haters are. People get mad.

2008

CH management signs Woz off the waiver wire. He contributes immediately breaking down the MLB leaders in Cougar Poon.

Goldy, Matt and Woz vote Brent Favre as the best QB in football history. Their opinions may have changed since then. Well, at least Goldy's and Woz's.

Woz's life is complete - Gabe Kapler signs his Chipotle receipt!

Brad predicts the Brewers death on May 8th. Of course, they go on to make the playoffs.

We share a little bit of our not-so-interesting selves.

Brett Lawrie talks a big game - Woz comments on the size of his genitals.

A totally unbiased post on the Favre-Ted battle. Straight down the middle...totally unbiased.

Somebody likes Trenni. A lot.

Ned's infamous "Money Order." A great find by Matt.

We’ve been Yosted long enough. Ned gets fired. About 2 years too late, but fired indeed. Matt looks back at the Yost era.

The Milwaukee Brewers make the playoffs and party it up! The Kool Aid man dances!

Woz picks the Brewers over Philly in 4. Oops.

Goldy - probably not sending Favre a Xmas card this year.

A perfect College Football playoff is created in about 17 minutes. It's really not that hard.

The first (and only) Dave Parker Random CD of the Week. I really wish this would have taken off.

Chuckie Hacks gets mentioned on USA Today. Big time, folks. Big time.

2009

Chuckie Hacks represents at the Super Bowl

CH plays Summerfest, Goldy sets the playlist. From this day forward, whenever I hear Franz Ferdinand I think of Mark Mangino. Thanks, Goldy.

Actual research? On Chuckie?

OK Woz, this Trenni thing is out of control.

Exactly how do you lose to the same team 17 times in a row? Find out here.

Learning about us - Part II.

Woz heads to St Louis, good times follow.

Gym class was fun.

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In closing, go Brewers, Packers, Marquette, Bucky (I guess), Mini-horses, Gas Cans, Cobra Kai, Muppets, Obviously, and the Kansas City Bucks.

Peace.

St Louis' Mike Hunt

H/T to Todd. Good lord, just read this beauty. It's terrible. I'm pretty sure if Pujols walked across the Mississippi river without getting wet, Cardinal fans would say "Yeah, he does that all the time," with a straight face. It finishes with a mention of Prince untucking his shirt, of course:

Cardinals fans warmed up to Prince and gave him applause worthy of a champion. Yes, even though Fielder untucked his shirt, just the way his Brewers do when they beat the Cardinals.

St. Louis cheered for Fielder, anyway. What a gracious and hospitable baseball town. Then again, Fielder was wearing a red jersey.

Braun To Bat Cleanup

What are the odds that if Pujols hits two bombs, Braun will say it was because he was protecting him in the lineup? Even.

NL
SS Hanley Ramirez
2B Chase Utley
1B Albert Pujols
RF Ryan Braun
LF Raul Ibanez
3B David Wright
CF Shane Victorino
C Yadier Molina
RHP Tim Lincecum

AL
RF Ichiro Suzuki
SS Derek Jeter
C Joe Mauer
1B Mark Teixeira
LF Jason Bay
CF Josh Hamilton
3B Evan Longoria
2B Aaron Hill
RHP Roy Halladay

Is it just me, or does Paul Ibanez and Jay Bay look like pretty junk #5 hitters for an All-Star game?

Play at Your Own Risk

How about a drinking game to make tonight's Home Run Derby tolerable:

1) Every time Boomer says "Back, back, back, back...GONE," drink.
If you're not passed out yet, continue:
2) When Boomer references a different Missouri city - I.E. "He hit that one to Columbia!" - drink.

3) A Prince nervous cough. Drink

4) When they flash to Ozzie Smith, drink.

5) Drink when they show an All-Star pitcher right after a huge bomb and say "(Fill in pitcher here) hopes he doesn't see (fill in batter) hit the ball like that tomorrow night, ha ha ha."

6) If they throw in a Lewis and Clark reference, drink double.

I'm rooting for Prince to win, then untuck his shirt. In St Louis, that would be sweet.

The Worst 10th Inning I've Seen In Some Time

The struggling Carlos Villanueva enters the 10th for Milwaukee. Here's what happens next:

Ground Out
Walk
Triple
Intentional Walk
Infield Single which was clearly going foul only to have shitty Bill Hall try and make a play.
Walk
Grand Slam
The rest of the inning doesn't really matter.

12-6, Dodgers. WTF kind of 10th inning was that?? Villy's ERA is now 6.41.

Nelson Cruz - All Star??

Who knew? Cruz fills in for Toriiiiii Hunter. At least we got Kevin Mench and Laynce Nix for him. (I know, settle down...that was only part of the deal. El Caballo for CoCo was also involved.)

Is That A Philco?

Need a TV?

The Green Bay Packers are selling more than 450 used 20-inch TV sets that once adorned the suites in Lambeau Field.

The units are not HD-capable, but are cable ready and will work with cable TV systems. Available remote controls will be included with TVs on a first-come, first-served basis.

Maybe they can give a couple of these beauties to Nick Collins to make him happy.

Old School - Gym Class Edition

We were reminiscing at work about the good old days...gym class - the best hour of the day. Based on our discussions, here’s a few of the most memorable (good and bad) events in every child’s gym class. (Note: Dodgeball is not included, too easy. That’s an entire post by itself.)

6) Wrestling - Middle School: Weight classes were pretty much ignored. Especially with that one kids who matured earlier than everybody else. You know, the 6th grader with a full-grown beard. He went like 192 pounds and dominated pee-wee football. The next heaviest kid in class was like 161, which was unfortunate for him. But regardless of size, every weight class had the slow, stinky kid. You wanted no part of this guy. He smelled like a combination of drool, manure, and yesterdays lunch. And I'm supposed to wrestle this kid? Come on. Finally, there was the one kid who was a really good wrestler. In my class, it was (he might frequent this site) Ryan B. Not very big, but an excellent athlete - just took kids apart. On the last day, the teacher lined everybody up and we all got a chance at Ryan. It was like an assembly line, one after another. Kids who played the flute, math nerds, and the generally un-athletic all got their turn. The hopeless eventually just laid down as soon as stepping onto the mat. I managed to run in circles for a while, staying on the mat longer than most...and then succumbed to the inevitable. Pretty much everybody was excited to see the conclusion of wrestling in gym class.

5) Pickleball - High School - The other guys had no idea what I was talking about. Maybe it's a Port Washington thing. Basically, it's indoor tennis with a shorter net, an oversized ping-pong paddle and a whiffle ball. Good, no GREAT times! Matt and I were partners and rolled the competition until we met the gooniest set of doubles you could imagine. I'll save those details, but let's just say there wasn't an athletic bone in their bodies. Turns out, they were good. Really good. They revolutionized PWHS Pickleball by putting one player at the net and one on the baseline. We didn't know what to do....it was like seeing the wishbone formation for the first time. I haven’t seen Pickleball since, but would like to…it was pretty damn fun.

4) The Mile - Middle School - It was an annual event. As soon as the teacher declared "We're running The Mile next Thursday," kids were scrambling for excuses not to run. Some would "forget" their sneakers, many became sick, and a few would even mysteriously develop asthma over the weekend. At the sound of the gun, a few groups would soon develop: A) The Pacesetters - The future high school cross country folk who enjoy running from Wisconsin to Idaho on a "light run." Don't even try to keep up with these freaks. B) The Nerds - They would sprint for the first 50 feet, just so they could say they were "winning" at some point...and then fizzle out. Yeah, they might get straight A's in the classroom, but somehow forget there's another 5,230 feet to go. C) Biggins. As soon as the whistle sounds, they walk. The entire way. Zero effort. They were the same group of girls who made a circle in right-center field during softball. You'd purposely hit the ball in that general direction just to watch them scatter. D) The Cheerio Gang. A bunch of zeros. Our running course went around the football field, weaved through some tennis courts, then back around the gridiron. Well, the Teacher couldn't see behind the tennis courts, which made for a perfect opportunity for a few guys to bust out the smokes and fire up a Camel. During the Mile Run! Hilarious! E) Everyone Else. This group was down to about 5 kids by the finish line.

3) Gymnastics - Middle School. The rings, pommel horse, balance beam, bars...yep, this was about as gay as you would imagine. That rope hanging from the ceiling always made for good comedy. Some kids couldn't move up that thing an inch. Check that, a milimeter. Some would scoot right up to the top without breaking a sweat, like they were part squirrel. The rest? They'd climb up about half way and get nervous. I have no idea why. That quarter-inch thick blue pad 15 feet below would certainly break your fall. Or not. To close out the gymnastics session, there was a test. Everybody had to do a routine in front of the entire class using three pieces of equipment of your choice. It was pure hell. Falling off the balance beam while trying a somersault is bad…but not as bad as crashing to the ground it in front of 75 fifth graders.

2) Floor Hockey - Middle/High School. This was fun. It was a pretty sweet gym class sport. Unless you had the crazy guy in your class. The rule was simple: NO SLAP SHOTS! The blade of your stick had to stay below your knees. Nothing but wristers, right. Tell that to crazyman. There were always a few guys who’d wind up that slappy well over his head and let it fly. No chance of those tiny plastic shin guards stopping that freight train. Obviously, there was NO CHECKING. It's co-ed for Pete's sake. One guy in particular, Steve, thought otherwise. I like Steve. Good guy, funny. But a little off kilter…Junior year he read Mein Kampf just for the hell of it. Give this guy a hockey stick and it was on. Our high school gymnasium had a number of doors leading right into a main hallway. For no reason whatsoever, Steve decides to do a seek and destroy mission on an unsuspecting girl named Jenny. The puck isn't even remotely close to her and our friend Steve cross-checks her right out one of the doors and into the hallway. Checks her clear out of the fucking gym! A few moments go by before the poor girl opens the door, stumbling back into the gym all weak-legged and starry-eyed with tears running down her face. A classic gym class moment indeed!

1) Square Dancing - Frosh Year High School: WTF was the point of this, except to create the most awkward experience of your adolescent life? It starts on day one when the oversized gym teacher says "OK, everybody pick a partner." Of course there's only one decent looking chick in the class, who’s snapped up faster than you can say "promenade." So you're stuck dancing awkwardly with some creature you'll never speak to the rest of your high school days. And it didn't help that my movements were as fluid as a Holstein with a bad leg. Good God, the horror! And who’s ever used these square dancing skills since? Didn’t think so.

I Hate Notre Dame

I really do. To my dismay, their schedule is a joke.

Nevada
@ Michigan
Michigan State
@ Purdue
Washington
USC
Boston College
Washington State (In San Antonio, of all places)
Navy
@ Pitt
UConn
@ Stanford

Even USC is down (for USC standards) this year. Michigan is the only team who should be improved compared to last year. Pitt might be decent. That's a 10 win season by accident. And a 10 win season for Notre Dame means a BCS game. A BCS game for Notre Dame means an ASSLOAD of media love for the Irish and TV face time for Chuck Weis. Sorry to make you vomit.

Classic

Another Schroeder Post

Top of the 6th, 5-0 St Louis, a wild pitch puts Cardinal runners on 2nd and 3rd. The camera shows Macha in the dugout and the following dialog takes place:

Brian: "Macha, wondering what he has to do here."

Bill: "Well, not much he can do. It's not up to him once he fills in that lineup card."

Really, Bill...REALLY? You do know the Brewers moved to the NL, right? Hell, if it's that easy, maybe Kenny can just turn in the lineup card and take a nap for 3 hours. Or perhaps I can take over innings 2-8, that would be fun.

Really, Bill?

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th. Safe travels. Have fun.

God Bless The CFL

Love the CFL. It's even more awesome after this: After scoring the first CFL touchdown of the new season, a player for the Toronto Rocket Ismails took off his helmet, jersey, and shoulder pads - laid down in the end zone and mimicked being buried. Why? A tribute to Michael Jackson. Seriously. Top that Ochocinco and T.O.!

The league is looking into the matter for possible fines/suspensions.

Congrats To The 2009 NL Central Champs - YOUR Milwaukee Brewers

Tear down that silly Wild Card pennant, here comes the big boy - the real deal. It's gonna happen. The Brewers WILL win the NL Central this year, and here's 5 reasons why.

1) The NL Central itself. Not exactly breaking news here, but this division is very, very winnable. St Louis? Come on, that team defines "smoke and mirrors." The Cubs can't seem to get out of their own way and everybody else is generally crappy.

2) I forgot what #2 was gonna be, but I'm sure it was fantastic.

3) July 20th - August 30th. Take a look at the Brewers schedule between these dates. Holy crap. I know the schedule all evens out at the end, and September looks tough....but holy crap! One series against a team over .500. Here are those series' with current team record:

@ Pitt: 36-41
Atlanta: 36-40
Washington (4 gamer): 22-52
@ San Diego: 33-42
@ Dodgers: 49-28
@ Houston: 36-38
San Diego: 33-42
Houston: 36-38
@ Pitt: 36-41
@ Washington (4 gamer): 22-52
Cinci: 37-38
Pitt: 36-41

Good lord! That's 8 against the Natty's and 9 vs Pittsburgh, if you're scoring at home. That's some serious Mo' going into the stretch run.

4) Bully. "Our bully runs deep, so deep, so deep it put her butt to sleep..." Sorry, that was stupid. It's deeper than usual with a bunch of guys having career years. Their buttons are correctly being pushed by...

5) ...Kenny Macha. He won't fold up like an accordion at the end of the year like the Brewers last "manager," Neddy Yost. Macha's been there before. By the way, what's Nedly up to these days?

There you have it - done deal. Milwaukee Brewers, 2009 NL Central champs.

It's FAAAAAAAANTASTIC!!

I heard someone on the radio project the Bucks lineup to be:

PG - Ramon Sessions
SG - Mike Redd (Coming off an ACL)
SF - Luc Richard
PF - Kurt Thomas
C - Dandy Andy Bogut (Off a back injury)

2nd String:
PG - Ridnour/Jennings
SG - Chuck Bell
SF - Joe Alexander
PF - Malik Allen
C - Danny G

Am I wrong in saying this looks like complete dumpster fire? You have one scorer (Redd) out of the whole bunch. He should love it though...he'll get about 32 shots per game.

The French Defense Tightens Up; Holds US Under 80

In something called the Junior World Championship of American Football, the US took France behind the woodshed and squeaked out a 78-0 victory. Oh, and the yardage totals? 610-7.

In other action, Canada beat New Zealand 55-0, and Sweden lost to Mexico 41-0. I pray that the Kiwis and Swedes are off the US schedule. The US might reach triple digits by halftime.

Remember Ping-Pong Diplomacy from US history class? Well, we got destroyed. Maybe we should start American Football Diplomacy with North Korea. We'll give them 2 yard to get a first down, and we'll only have 6 guys on offense. That could sooth relationships!

Chuckie Hacks: Your forum for ingenious political solutions!

Rodgers Taking It To The Next Level

Off the field, at least. What's next but an SI swimsuit model! Her name is Julie Henderson, and she's a grapefruit heiress (insert melons joke here) and smokin hot. Take a look.

Just like Aaron's 2008 season, there's an problem. This situation (Julie) looks spectacular on the surface (2008 stats) - but there's an issue (final drives). Mrs Henderson was previously hooking up with....Russell Simmons?!? I know, I know...he's a heavy hitter with more money than God, but....I mean....just...click on this. Rodgers is rolling with the girl who was just banging a 51 year old, 5'8" (she's 5'-10"), African-American? Going from Simmons to Rodgers is just way too extreme for any normal person. It's like the driver of Big Foot driving a Toyota Prius in his spare time. She has to be crazy. Batshit crazy. Still hot, but crazy.

Serbian's Can Take 3 Steps?

I'm not quite sure what Bo Ryan is talking about here...he probably doesn't know what to do with himself when his team isn't getting all the calls. Belgrade is a loooong way from the Kohl Center:

Afterward, coach Bo Ryan didn't mince any words in discussing the outcome.

"Tonight's game was exactly what I thought it would be, and it's what we were very concerned with," said Ryan. "They sent a message. They are bigger and stronger inside. They are going to take it there, and they are going to try to shove it down our throats. When we try to do the same at the other end, we have to learn about the contact and what officials are going to call.

"The main thing is not to overreact to how a game is being called. It's a different game, and for some of our guys, the extra step really hurt. The Serbians really know how to use that. We were thinking we were in position to take a charge, and they took one more step to go by the defensive player."

Smokey Jeffress At It Again...

Jesus, Smokey - put down the bong already! 100 game suspension.

Drafty

I hate the NBA, but love the draft...a chance to see where the college guys end up. Because all these guys are dead to me from this point forward, somebody else (Two Name?) will have to tell me if these thoughts come true. I did this a couple years ago, and Matt says I actually got a few right.


Lottery Guys I Like (Besides Griffin)

DeMar DeRozan, USC - One of those freaky athletes who looks like an NBA player.

Tyreke Evans, Memphis - With time, he'll turn into a deadly point guard...either from his skill, or actually shooting somebody.

Terrence Williams, Louisville - Jack of all trades.



Lottery Guys I DONT Like

James Harden, ASU - I really liked him at ASU, but picking him 3rd is too high. In the 9-11 range, sure. But 3rd?? Does our one Chuckie fan at ASU disagree?


Jonny Flynn, Syracuse - Same as Harden. Top 15, sure. Number 6? No way.

Tyler Hansbrough, UNC- You know the drill...great college player, great kid, hard worker, etc. Bottom line is he's a slightly more athletic Mark Madson. How un-shocking was it that Indiana drafted him? They now have a plethora of white guys - Hansbrough, Diener, Jeff Foster, Troy Murphy, Dunleavy, Josh McRoberts, and Rasho Nesterovic. Impressive.



Non Lottery 1st Round Sleepers

James Johnson, Wake - Always stood out, even when Wake would play the likes of Carolina. And he's a black belt from Wyoming, for whatever that's worth.

Rodrigue Beaubois, France - Just kidding. Making sure you were paying attention.

Toney Douglas, FSU


2nd Round Sleepers

Jeff Pendergraph, ASU - A poor man's Terrence Williams

AJ Price, UConn - Not a freak athlete, but has that "craftyness" to stick in the league for years.

Jack McClinton, Miami - San Antonio will turn him into a great player off the bench, you watch.



Others:

DeJuan Blair, Pitt - boy did this guy fall like a load of shit. Maybe because, well, he's a load of shit. Lottery pick to 37!

Jodie Meeks, Kentucky - Can fill it up. He and Redd might be wrestling each other for the ball.

Jerel McNeal, Marquette - He'll find his way into the NBA, book it!


Somebody tell me how their NBA careers go. Thanks.