Of all the ridiculous comments about steroids, Oswalt's might be the most asinine. At least since Big Mac's "I'm not here to talk about the past" in front of congress. When talking about ARod (my dash button suddenly stopped working), Roy said this:
"A-Rod's numbers shouldn't count for anything," Oswalt said in a phone interview with MLB.com. "I feel like he cheated me out of the game."
"The few times we played them, when he got hits, it could have cost me a game," Oswalt said. "It could have cost me money in my contract. He cheated me out of the game and I take it personally, because I've never done [PEDs], haven't done it, and they're cheating me out of the game."
Oooookayyyy. ARod may have cost you money. How about your own shortstop? You know, famed roider Miguel Tejada? How about those RBI's he had when you were on the hill? Should we take those away? And while we're talking about cash, I see you made $11 mil, $13 mil, and $13 mil since 2005. One reason was for helping the Astronauts reach the World Series that year. Remember the other two stud starters on that team, Mr. Oswalt? Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte.
So those 3 hits (1 bomb, 3 steaks, in 7 AB's) ARod touch you up for may have cost you money....but you're probably fine with the seasons worth of pitching from Clemens and Pettitte that got the 'Stros to the WS. Of course. Oh, and don't worry about all the times Jeff Bagwell drove in runs when you were on the bump either. Yeah, he was clean. Or not.
Showing posts with label dirty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dirty. Show all posts
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Derrick Turnblow Blurb
Apparently there's a must read in the current version of Sports Illustrated. It's contains excerpts from a new book coming out from a former Angels Minor League "player" named Matt McCarthy. I put quotes around "player" because it seems like this guy only had 1 year in the minors.
Anyway, a good post was written covering the entire piece over at Midwest Sports Fans...which used it to write an adoration post on Bobby Jenks, who apparently was covered a lot in the book.
The post is long, but definitely not a wombat...so check it out. For our purposes though on our fine site, we'd like to point out some of the tidbits mentioned regarding one of old punching bags, Mr. Derrick Turnblow. Here's a piece from the book (pulled from Midwest Sports), chronicling a training room event back in the day between the author (McCarthy), Jenks, and Turnblow. Enjoy.
“What are you reading about?” I asked.
“Me,” he said flatly. “Everybody’s got something to f—–g say about Bobby Jenks. One day I’m an alcoholic; the next day I’m the second coming of Christ.” I laughed awkwardly, trying to think of how I would describe him. “I’m a damn bargain is what I am,” he continued as he rolled onto his stomach. “Hundred-and-seventy-five-thousand dollars for a guy with my s–t?
“And what do they do? They send me to this hellhole with guys who don’t belong in pro ball.” It wasn’t a stretch to imagine he was talking about guys like me.
“How many guys can throw a hundred miles an hour?” he asked me as he tossed the magazine on the floor.
“Probably a dozen,” I offered.
“How many guys on this planet can throw a ball a hundred miles an hour?” he said in a much louder voice as he sat up.
“I can think of one,” said a large man with shoulder-length brown hair as he sauntered into the room and calmly submerged himself in a vat of ice. It was Angels reliever Derrick Turnbow, in Mesa on a rehab assignment. A year earlier he had suffered a displaced fracture of the ulna while throwing one of his 100-mph fastballs.
“Now, I can’t say that I’ve ever seen you hit triple digits,” Bobby said playfully.
“Go to hell, Jenks,” Turnbow said…”Talk to me when you’ve pitched a game in the big leagues.”
Good times in the minor leagues! So there's Turnbow, on rehab...big leaguing Jenks (who at the time can only be described as a lazy punk with talent) after Jenks talks trash to him. Apparently Jenks wasn't done with Turnblow however. According to the excerpts:
According to McCarthy, Jenks called out then-Angels farmhand Derrick Turnbow for being “so ‘roided out, it’s ridiculous.” Turnbow, of course, would later become both an All Star and the first Major Leaguer to be publicly identified as having tested positive for steroids.
Ahhh...so there you have it. The legend of Derrick Turnblow continues to grow. It's funny to think back about the fall and rise and subsequent fall of this guy. Roid user. Down and out. Has a ridiculous year out of nowhere in 2005. Makes the all star team in 06 before IMPLODING in the 2nd half. Decent in 07 but faltered down the stretch with too many walks and becomes a fan punching bag. Injured in 08, and now followed Mike Maddox to the Rangers like a little puppy dog. What will the next chapter of his strange career look like? As Kent Brockman would say...only time...will tell.
Anyway, a good post was written covering the entire piece over at Midwest Sports Fans...which used it to write an adoration post on Bobby Jenks, who apparently was covered a lot in the book.
The post is long, but definitely not a wombat...so check it out. For our purposes though on our fine site, we'd like to point out some of the tidbits mentioned regarding one of old punching bags, Mr. Derrick Turnblow. Here's a piece from the book (pulled from Midwest Sports), chronicling a training room event back in the day between the author (McCarthy), Jenks, and Turnblow. Enjoy.
“What are you reading about?” I asked.
“Me,” he said flatly. “Everybody’s got something to f—–g say about Bobby Jenks. One day I’m an alcoholic; the next day I’m the second coming of Christ.” I laughed awkwardly, trying to think of how I would describe him. “I’m a damn bargain is what I am,” he continued as he rolled onto his stomach. “Hundred-and-seventy-five-thousand dollars for a guy with my s–t?
“And what do they do? They send me to this hellhole with guys who don’t belong in pro ball.” It wasn’t a stretch to imagine he was talking about guys like me.
“How many guys can throw a hundred miles an hour?” he asked me as he tossed the magazine on the floor.
“Probably a dozen,” I offered.
“How many guys on this planet can throw a ball a hundred miles an hour?” he said in a much louder voice as he sat up.
“I can think of one,” said a large man with shoulder-length brown hair as he sauntered into the room and calmly submerged himself in a vat of ice. It was Angels reliever Derrick Turnbow, in Mesa on a rehab assignment. A year earlier he had suffered a displaced fracture of the ulna while throwing one of his 100-mph fastballs.
“Now, I can’t say that I’ve ever seen you hit triple digits,” Bobby said playfully.
“Go to hell, Jenks,” Turnbow said…”Talk to me when you’ve pitched a game in the big leagues.”
Good times in the minor leagues! So there's Turnbow, on rehab...big leaguing Jenks (who at the time can only be described as a lazy punk with talent) after Jenks talks trash to him. Apparently Jenks wasn't done with Turnblow however. According to the excerpts:
According to McCarthy, Jenks called out then-Angels farmhand Derrick Turnbow for being “so ‘roided out, it’s ridiculous.” Turnbow, of course, would later become both an All Star and the first Major Leaguer to be publicly identified as having tested positive for steroids.
Ahhh...so there you have it. The legend of Derrick Turnblow continues to grow. It's funny to think back about the fall and rise and subsequent fall of this guy. Roid user. Down and out. Has a ridiculous year out of nowhere in 2005. Makes the all star team in 06 before IMPLODING in the 2nd half. Decent in 07 but faltered down the stretch with too many walks and becomes a fan punching bag. Injured in 08, and now followed Mike Maddox to the Rangers like a little puppy dog. What will the next chapter of his strange career look like? As Kent Brockman would say...only time...will tell.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"Name That Roider"
So soon? Yup. The Javy Lopez stats phased nobody. Here's another one:
Age, HR, RBI, Average, Slugging%
22, 14, 51, .235, .405
23, 28, 80, .240, .431
24, 16, 72, .273, .464
25, 39, 112, .283, .581
26, 54, 142, .269, .620
27, 33, 100, .256, .485
28, 23, 53, .269, .542
29, 26, 71, .281, .464
30, 8, 27, .239, .439
31, 13, 43, .233, .382
32, 9, 55, .261, .405
33, 5, 45, .255, .374
Holy crap...check out that one year!
ANSWER:
PaulNoonan was semi-correct. I threw a change up - a curve ball if you will - at you guys. Those 54 homers should actually be 61...but that owuld have given it away. The player? Roger Maris.
Age, HR, RBI, Average, Slugging%
22, 14, 51, .235, .405
23, 28, 80, .240, .431
24, 16, 72, .273, .464
25, 39, 112, .283, .581
26, 54, 142, .269, .620
27, 33, 100, .256, .485
28, 23, 53, .269, .542
29, 26, 71, .281, .464
30, 8, 27, .239, .439
31, 13, 43, .233, .382
32, 9, 55, .261, .405
33, 5, 45, .255, .374
Holy crap...check out that one year!
ANSWER:
PaulNoonan was semi-correct. I threw a change up - a curve ball if you will - at you guys. Those 54 homers should actually be 61...but that owuld have given it away. The player? Roger Maris.
Robbie Alomor = Not Good Times
And he thought hacking a loogy on an ump was bad. How about this from the AP (no, not legendary commenter AP, the Associated Press):
An ex-girlfriend of Roberto Alomar filed an explosive lawsuit alleging the former baseball star insisted on unprotected sex for four years despite having AIDS.
The lawsuit, filed Jan. 30 and transferred to U.S. District Court on Wednesday, contains accusations that could not be corroborated but portray Alomar as someone who demanded sex without a condom despite showing obvious signs of HIV.
Wow, that's not something you hope for. Why the Kelly Gruber card? Why not?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Doug Melvin = Roid Promoter
Well, maybe not but it's weird all the roiders/suspected roiders who played under Melvin. That entire Texas squad was literally a chemical lab: A-Rod, Juan Gonzalez, Raffy Palmiero, Pudge Rodriguez, Bradley Fullmer, Jose Canseco, Lee Stevens, etc. Check out Kevin Elster's numbers in Texas. SWEET JESUS!
Then in Milwaukee, he picks up Derrick Turnbow and signs Eric Gagne. Nuff said.
Who's our GM? Doug Melvin or Victor Conte?
PS - Doug, I'm totally fine with giving Yo some juice so he stays healthy this year. Thanks.
Holy Crap...
No more speculation I guess...
"And I did take a banned substance and, you know, for that I'm very sorry and deeply regretful. And although it was the culture back then and Major League Baseball overall was very - I just feel that - You know, I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for that time. I'm sorry to fans. I'm sorry for my fans in Texas. It wasn't until then that I ever thought about substance of any kind, and since then I've proved to myself and to everyone that I don't need any of that."
"It was such a loosey-goosey era. I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naive, not asking all the right questions," Rodriguez said. "And to be quite honest, I don't know exactly what substance I was guilty of using."
Wow. Quite the commentary from Mr. Alex Rodriguez. No lawyers...no publicist...he just flat out admitted it.
It's kind of refreshing really...sometimes you just have to fess up to stuff as a man when the evidence finally bites you. A-Rod is no fool. He had no place to hide. The facts were there about his usage. The statements that he made were very open...
More to come on steroid usage this week...as I'm sure this story is just beginning to get legs. You can probably sense my opinion on this issue indirectly through what I've written so far...but I'll try and spell it out later in a different post.
"And I did take a banned substance and, you know, for that I'm very sorry and deeply regretful. And although it was the culture back then and Major League Baseball overall was very - I just feel that - You know, I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for that time. I'm sorry to fans. I'm sorry for my fans in Texas. It wasn't until then that I ever thought about substance of any kind, and since then I've proved to myself and to everyone that I don't need any of that."
"It was such a loosey-goosey era. I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naive, not asking all the right questions," Rodriguez said. "And to be quite honest, I don't know exactly what substance I was guilty of using."
Wow. Quite the commentary from Mr. Alex Rodriguez. No lawyers...no publicist...he just flat out admitted it.
It's kind of refreshing really...sometimes you just have to fess up to stuff as a man when the evidence finally bites you. A-Rod is no fool. He had no place to hide. The facts were there about his usage. The statements that he made were very open...
More to come on steroid usage this week...as I'm sure this story is just beginning to get legs. You can probably sense my opinion on this issue indirectly through what I've written so far...but I'll try and spell it out later in a different post.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Chuckie Hacks Outing?
Screw the Brewers tailgate next year...I say we road trip down to Chicago for a Lingerie Football League game!
I think I read something about this a while back, but this article has a little bit more detail. Feel free to peruse.
"Entertainment," says Jeff Bowen, president of the Sears Centre Arena, "and sports for that matter, too. The game is played with regular rules and the girls play seven-on-seven, full-tackle football."
In bras, panties, helmets, shoulder pads and garters.
Ummm...yeah...feel free to email me if you want to split season tickets.
Photo pulled from Daily Herald.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Very simple question: Would you beat?
All right men (and ladies...you know...that's cool too), I'm sick and tired of this Trenni bashing.Here's the scenario: You leave after work and go directly to Steve's on Bluemound to meet your buddies for the Brewer game. On your way down Bluemound from 84th street (say...by the Subway on 77th), you notice a blonde waving you down on the side of the road. Her little red car is smoking...the hood is up. It's Trenni. She's wearing white capris and a brewer t-shirt. "Oh thank goodness you stopped!" she says..."I have to get to Miller Park, I'm working there today and am supposed to be there in 10 minutes! Can you give me a ride?"
Since you're no doubt a gentlemen...you gladly offer her a ride.
As you cruise down Bluemound, you talk about the Brewers and how fun the team is this year. You make her laugh by telling Mitch Hedberg jokes. Since you're probably driving a convertible...the wind is blowing her hair around like that scene in "Wayne's World" where Garth is daydreaming. All of a sudden, that "I kissed a girl and I liked it" song comes on the radio and she starts singing the lyrics. You start to think she could be the one.
Since she's got credentials, you get past all the parking nazi's and go right to the front gate. She gives you a quick kiss on the cheek, says thanks for the ride, and then starts to get out. You think its all over, and you've got a good story for your buddies.
But it's not. She suddenly turns around. "How'd you like to watch the game in Annastasio's Box?" You obviously say "Sure, that'd be fun!" Then she tosses you some sort of permanent stadium pass, you exchange cell numbers, and off she goes.
You roll into Mark's personal box feeling like a stud. You introduce yourself to Doug Melvin and tell him you like everythings he's done (well...except the Gagne signing). Rick Majerus is randomly there. Over about a dozen chicken wings and a quesadilla, you talk about the upcoming Marquette hoops season. All this time, Trenni is sending you text messages, asking how everything is going.
Finally around the 8th inning, with the Brewers comfortably ahead, and you with 7 miller lites in you, you get the nerve to text back to Trenni, "What are you doing after the game?"
Trenni replies, "I say we keep this party going. Meet me back at my condo in the Falls (gives address). Hope you brought your trunks for the hot tub!"
You smile knowingly to yourself, because hell yeah, you don't have swimming trunks...and that's not going to stop you.
Question: LIKE YOUR NOT GOING TO GO OUT THERE AND HIT IT?!?!
Monday, July 21, 2008
I'm glad I've never written anything that can be misconstrued
Just a quick "let's make fun of this blogger" moment.
"I definitely have some stories in the coming days, but I’ve pretty much consumed alcohol and smoked beef products non-stop for 72 hours..."
Tee hee. I wonder what sort of beef products he was smoking up there for 72 hours non-stop? I bet he can deep throat with the best of em...
So in honor of our new favorite blogger/pole-smoker...let's bust out some of the lyrics from the great hip hop artists "Big Tymers," the song is titled, "Snake:" (Lyrics a little NSFW).
"I heard you suck a beach ball through a hose pipe..."
Ah...poor guy...obviously not what he meant to convey but it won't stop me from ripping him. Brad is probably going to fire me tomorrow for writing about this...
Hat tip to Not So Anonymous Jake for the link.
"I definitely have some stories in the coming days, but I’ve pretty much consumed alcohol and smoked beef products non-stop for 72 hours..."
Tee hee. I wonder what sort of beef products he was smoking up there for 72 hours non-stop? I bet he can deep throat with the best of em...
So in honor of our new favorite blogger/pole-smoker...let's bust out some of the lyrics from the great hip hop artists "Big Tymers," the song is titled, "Snake:" (Lyrics a little NSFW).
"I heard you suck a beach ball through a hose pipe..."
Ah...poor guy...obviously not what he meant to convey but it won't stop me from ripping him. Brad is probably going to fire me tomorrow for writing about this...
Hat tip to Not So Anonymous Jake for the link.
Friday, July 18, 2008
READ THIS RIGHT NOW
This has nothing to do with sports...but it's irrelevant. It's the type of story you like reading about on a Friday afternoon.
Enjoy the Weekend.
Enjoy the Weekend.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Vegas Prop Bet update...
The following bets were placed by WozisZeus at the Harrah's sportsbook in Vegas this past weekend. Practically all of them are locks.
-As promised, I placed a cool Benjamin on the Brewers to win the NLCS. I got 6-1. Not bad I thought. Current Predication on bet: LOCK. Woz Guarantee.
-$10 on the Atlanta Braves to take the NLCS. 22 - 1. Current Predication on bet: Praying it doesn't happen cause it means the Crew didn't take it.
-$5 on the Texas Rangers to win the ALCS. 75 -1. Wow...I saw this and had to have action on it. Odds are too good for an over .500 team. They have to take down the Angels though so I don't see it happening. Current Prediction on bet: Definite long shot...but it'll be a nice ship.
-$5 on Mr. Richard Sterne to win the British Open. 125 - 1. I took a flyer on this to have random action on the British. The South African responded by opening up today with a +8 round of 78. Thanks Dick! Prediction: K BYE $5!
Other Vegas dealings:
Craps: Lost in 7 out of 8 sessions (ie...I got effing slammed). - $1,100.
Poker: Won 2 out 3 sessions. Played 1-2 NLHE for about 8 hours and also had a fun 6-12 limit H.O.R.S.E. session where I took down about $75. + $200 overall in Poker.
Other: Various table games, food, tips, blow: -$400
Overall: -$1,300 trip...which was within my budget...so I'm ok with it.
Also got propositioned for dirty hotel sex by a 33 year old cougar prosititute with GI-normous cans at 5am when walking back along the Strip from the Venetian. I politely declined, but thought about my decision all the way back to my room.
-As promised, I placed a cool Benjamin on the Brewers to win the NLCS. I got 6-1. Not bad I thought. Current Predication on bet: LOCK. Woz Guarantee.
-$10 on the Atlanta Braves to take the NLCS. 22 - 1. Current Predication on bet: Praying it doesn't happen cause it means the Crew didn't take it.
-$5 on the Texas Rangers to win the ALCS. 75 -1. Wow...I saw this and had to have action on it. Odds are too good for an over .500 team. They have to take down the Angels though so I don't see it happening. Current Prediction on bet: Definite long shot...but it'll be a nice ship.
-$5 on Mr. Richard Sterne to win the British Open. 125 - 1. I took a flyer on this to have random action on the British. The South African responded by opening up today with a +8 round of 78. Thanks Dick! Prediction: K BYE $5!
Other Vegas dealings:
Craps: Lost in 7 out of 8 sessions (ie...I got effing slammed). - $1,100.
Poker: Won 2 out 3 sessions. Played 1-2 NLHE for about 8 hours and also had a fun 6-12 limit H.O.R.S.E. session where I took down about $75. + $200 overall in Poker.
Other: Various table games, food, tips, blow: -$400
Overall: -$1,300 trip...which was within my budget...so I'm ok with it.
Also got propositioned for dirty hotel sex by a 33 year old cougar prosititute with GI-normous cans at 5am when walking back along the Strip from the Venetian. I politely declined, but thought about my decision all the way back to my room.
Former Badger sighting!
When was the last time you heard Kirk Penny's name? Well apparently he's still a dominant force on the ol' New Zealand National Team!Forward Kirk Penney poured in 29 points against Germany, to follow his 25 against Cape Verde on Tuesday.
They've still got a ways to go apparently in order to qualify for the Olympics...but I don't care...I'm just happy Kirk is getting some press down in the NZ.
No word yet on where Rashard Griffith is. He hasn't been heard of in 3 years since he apparently retired from his 8 year Euro Career of averaging 12 and 7 during the day, and 1.5 hookers at night.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Who wants a mustache ride??
Would it be too much to ask for a member of the media to ask CC tonight if he can grow a mustache like the one seen here?
I don't see how that should not be the #1 question asked. Seriously.
I don't see how that should not be the #1 question asked. Seriously.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Unlikely Heroes
Some unlikely heroes last night. Somehow Mike Cameron and his .222 BA come through with two 2-out run-scoring hits and Dick Weeks decides to stop throwing up and hits a bomb off the bench...nice!
How can you not like Seth McClung Like A Horse? He obviously didn't have his best stuff last night...and he still managed to grind his way through 5+ and sweat through an entire jersey by the bottom on the 2nd.
Oh...and did you hear McHung was fighting dead arm? Christ. I've never been more annoyed by Schroeder and Anderson talking about something.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Come on Prince...
All you astute readers of the JSOnline Brewer Blog saw this lovely little post today...
Prince Fielder owes the IRS over $400K.
Yet again, everybody just shake their heads. Go ahead. Just ponder how it can happen. This isn't like writing in the wrong number of dependents by mistake. This isn't like forgetting to record the $82.46 in interest he earned on his checking account that he still jointly keeps with his Mom. This is $400K people. That's flat out NOT recording your effing salary. Being an accountant by trade, I find this type of shit fascinating.
Now...to be fair to Prince, let's take a closer look at this thing. Look at the blog that broke the "story." Read the actual lien that was filed by the IRS. The actual lien was filed back in 2005. NOWHERE...I repeat...NOWHERE in this blog does it mention if Prince paid off the lien. Conceivably, Prince took care of this thing back in 2005. The fact that this blog just posted this today and everybody is running stories with headlines like "Prince owes the IRS X amount of dollars" is jumping the gun in my opinion.
That blog could have just came across the old lien and posted it. What is known right now, was that in 2005, Prince Fielder DID owe the IRS that money. We don't know what happened since then. Everybody is assuming that lien isn't paid.
But you know what...THIS is the bigger question/point of this whole thing: HOW THE F DOES PRINCE FIELDER GET TO THE POINT WHERE THIS TYPE OF STUFF EVEN HAPPENS? Who is his tax accountant? Who is his lawyer? Who is accountable for effing up so bad? There is no way Prince Fielder does his own taxes. When Prince found out about the lien, did he go to his CPA's office and break down the door demanding answers? So many questions!
When asked to comment, Ryan Braun said he would have no problem loaning Prince the money. True story.
Prince Fielder owes the IRS over $400K.
Yet again, everybody just shake their heads. Go ahead. Just ponder how it can happen. This isn't like writing in the wrong number of dependents by mistake. This isn't like forgetting to record the $82.46 in interest he earned on his checking account that he still jointly keeps with his Mom. This is $400K people. That's flat out NOT recording your effing salary. Being an accountant by trade, I find this type of shit fascinating.
Now...to be fair to Prince, let's take a closer look at this thing. Look at the blog that broke the "story." Read the actual lien that was filed by the IRS. The actual lien was filed back in 2005. NOWHERE...I repeat...NOWHERE in this blog does it mention if Prince paid off the lien. Conceivably, Prince took care of this thing back in 2005. The fact that this blog just posted this today and everybody is running stories with headlines like "Prince owes the IRS X amount of dollars" is jumping the gun in my opinion.
That blog could have just came across the old lien and posted it. What is known right now, was that in 2005, Prince Fielder DID owe the IRS that money. We don't know what happened since then. Everybody is assuming that lien isn't paid.
But you know what...THIS is the bigger question/point of this whole thing: HOW THE F DOES PRINCE FIELDER GET TO THE POINT WHERE THIS TYPE OF STUFF EVEN HAPPENS? Who is his tax accountant? Who is his lawyer? Who is accountable for effing up so bad? There is no way Prince Fielder does his own taxes. When Prince found out about the lien, did he go to his CPA's office and break down the door demanding answers? So many questions!
When asked to comment, Ryan Braun said he would have no problem loaning Prince the money. True story.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The epitome of Opening Day!
I saw this guy at Opening Day. Looked like he was having a good time so I had to take his picture. Looks like a die-hard Brewer fan! It's good to see the Brewers have the best fan base in the United States!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
The Tradition
The Masters starts tomorrow. Arguably the best golf tournament to watch on TV (If you're like me and you like watching golf on TV). They show very few (if any) commercials on Sunday if I'm not mistaken.
In any event, golf predictions are pretty stupid, since Tiger Woods wins half the time he plays. All you can hope for is someone with the testicular fortitude to match him shot for shot and at least make the back 9 on Sunday interesting.
A buddy of mine did actually go to Augusta this week to watch the practice rounds. He had some very important analysis:
-By far the dirtiest person at the whole thing (players and gallery) was Miguel Angel Jimenez. His long, dyed yellow, pony tailed hair is ferocious. He is apparently a huge billups and sucks on a huge cigar the whole time, even on the practice range while he hits balls.
- Carmelo Villegas walks around and consistantly has about 10 people in his posse following him hole by hole. There are 3 smoking hot chicks with huge sun glasses and King Cobra hats speaking spanish about how they are going to all f him at the same time after the round
-David Toms only played 9 on Monday due to a bad back. Don't pick him for fantasy.
-Hunter Mahan was spraying balls everywhere both days and struggled on the range big time. He was with his swing coach for about 2 hours after he played yesterday.
My prediction will never change: Steve Stricker all the way...
In any event, golf predictions are pretty stupid, since Tiger Woods wins half the time he plays. All you can hope for is someone with the testicular fortitude to match him shot for shot and at least make the back 9 on Sunday interesting.
A buddy of mine did actually go to Augusta this week to watch the practice rounds. He had some very important analysis:
-By far the dirtiest person at the whole thing (players and gallery) was Miguel Angel Jimenez. His long, dyed yellow, pony tailed hair is ferocious. He is apparently a huge billups and sucks on a huge cigar the whole time, even on the practice range while he hits balls.
- Carmelo Villegas walks around and consistantly has about 10 people in his posse following him hole by hole. There are 3 smoking hot chicks with huge sun glasses and King Cobra hats speaking spanish about how they are going to all f him at the same time after the round
-David Toms only played 9 on Monday due to a bad back. Don't pick him for fantasy.
-Hunter Mahan was spraying balls everywhere both days and struggled on the range big time. He was with his swing coach for about 2 hours after he played yesterday.
My prediction will never change: Steve Stricker all the way...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentines Day!
Chuckie Hacks want to wish all our readers a very special Valentine's Day. The above photo is for our lady readers. Just think about this photo tonight when you are dry-humping your significant other into a heightened state of arousal.For our male readers, do your significant other a favor tonight and take your time with your love-making. Slow it down a little. Look into the eyes. Think long, slow, deep thrusts. Make your woman remember why she is with you in the first place. Of course...eventually...hammer it out to close out the day.
Personal story: I once had my heart-broken on Valentine's Day. Freshman year of college. I was known only as Woz back then. There was a little shorty that had my attention. For Valentine's Day I made her a personal card. I drew a little train on a piece of paper, and made little puffs of engine smoke. Inside the puffs of engine smoke I wrote the words..."I choo choo choose you to be my valentine." (I got it from the Simpsons episode where Lisa gave the same card to Ralph)
Well guess what happened? Nothing materialized. She blew me off. Never got any action. I put myself out there and my heart was crushed. As a hopeless romantic, I was frustrated & confused.
Shortly thereafter I became WozisZeus. The rest is history.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A guy has his needs...
This might be the best blog of all time...although it is obviously a joke.
Osi Umenyiora likes it a little nasty.
My favorite parts:
"I did invite a friend to join us (My hot girl "L" that has done shoots with me) and he wanted to DEFECATE on her in his bathtub. My GOSH she let him do it but I wanted no part. I'm a freak, but my gosh."
"He began flying me to Florida and Atlanta last summer paying my bills, giving me money for my kids as long as I let him well, "shit" on me."
So that is why Osi always seems light on his feet. I wonder if he'll invite her up to Green Bay for the weekend? If so, she should probably ask for a pay raise to at least 4 grand. After all, its playoff time!
Osi Umenyiora likes it a little nasty.
My favorite parts:
"I did invite a friend to join us (My hot girl "L" that has done shoots with me) and he wanted to DEFECATE on her in his bathtub. My GOSH she let him do it but I wanted no part. I'm a freak, but my gosh."
"He began flying me to Florida and Atlanta last summer paying my bills, giving me money for my kids as long as I let him well, "shit" on me."
So that is why Osi always seems light on his feet. I wonder if he'll invite her up to Green Bay for the weekend? If so, she should probably ask for a pay raise to at least 4 grand. After all, its playoff time!
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