Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Road Trip - St. Louis

Caught all of the 2+ games in St. Louis this past weekend. Road Tripped it down with 9 total people in 3 cars. Got hotel rooms in a classy establishment about 5 blocks from the Stadium, roughly 3 blocks from the Arch. All at a reasonable cost. I'm not sure how it would have been possible to NOT have a good time. Here are the random moments from the trip:

One of the guys in the group (whose internet name is The Great One) is in the lead of the caravan on the way down in his car. He has the paper directions along with a GPS that TELLS YOU where to go. We are somewhere in Illinois (shudder). Naturally, the Great One misses a turn and all 3 cars lose a half hour. Billups point #1.

Some food is in order. My car has fallen behind by a few minutes as a result of the missed turn, thus we call ahead to see where the caravan has stopped. The Great One informs my vehicle that the rest of the crew is going to Culvers. 5 minutes later, we pull into Culvers. Nobody is there. They were all at KFC. Naturally...because you know...that's where they said they would be. Billups point #2.

Eventually we get into St. Louis and one of our rooms gets upgraded to a suite. With 3 hours to spare before the game, we decide a vicious 1 hour speed quarters game is in order. Here is a list of comments made by the Great One during this 1 hour period (Side Note: If you haven't figured it out yet, the Great One is a large, obnoxious, beast of a man who has no idea what an inside voice is. Everybody has "that guy" in their friend group.).
"I'm for sure bringing a chick back to the hotel tonight. I don't care if I get the swine flu. Seriously, it's big time overrated. I heard you don't even die from it."
"Did anybody do any research online about the asian massage parlors in the area? I might have to get deep."

"I'm finding the biggest black woman I can find and bringing her back to the room tonight. Woz you better be ready to go down the hall if I bring her back."
(While sitting down): "Wow...I don't think this chair can hold me for much longer. The over/under is 12 minutes before a severe break."
(The TV is on in the background with nobody paying attention, he jumps up randomly...points at the TV and screams): "F*cking die you Bitch!" Everybody is flabbergasted and confused. When he sits back down he calmly says: "That was Queen Elizabeth. I have her in the Celebrity Death Pool." Needless to say, that was my favorite quote of the trip.

We start walking to the stadium. The atmosphere is just great. Everybody is friendly. Nobody is saying anything bad about the Brewers or anything. Basically it is the opposite of being in Chicago.

We walk into the Stadium and I inform the rest of the guys to "go to the seats" as I head to use the facilities. Little did I know this was a mistake because it took me 15 minutes to get to the seats after that. In hindsight, I will say that the stadium is awesome, but highly confusing to get where you need to go. Maybe I'm just used to Miller Park, but there seemed to be a general lack of staircases and the ones I used seemed to always take me to the wrong level.

Eventually I get to my section, but before I do a couple of hot chicks stop me (nothing new). They ask me "what it's worth" for the Cardinals T-shirt around my neck (stadium giveaway). I respond with a "I'd like to have a good time tonight." They give me a disgusted look and walk away. I give myself a satisfying grin and walk to my seats.

Eventually the monsoon comes in. We start asking people how it's possible to build a stadium without a roof. Over the next 15 minutes this question is asked to any Cardinals fan within talking distance. People may have been annoyed. I'm not sure.

Eventually the game gets called off but as Goldy mentioned in a previous post I was "well on my way" and wasn't going to stop. It's about 11pm. Most of the guys in our party went back to the hotel to pass out. That's not how I roll on the first night. Myself, the Great One, and another dude hit up the "hot spot" in town apparently referred to as "The Landing." Our first stop is in a Brewery of some sort. In a very short period of time we have a group of females in our presence. While not realizing it, both of my companions tell me one of the chicks is VERY INTERESTED in being deflowered by Woziszeus. After talking with her for a little bit she informs me she:
A) Is a pharmacist
B) Grew up on a farm
C) Makes A LOT of money (she actually reiterated that numerous times)
D) Would become a Brewers fan if I got to "know her better."

Point D sealed her fate. It shouldn't take a little sweet talking from Woz to get one to like the Brewers. We left that bar soon after that. It might also have something to do with the fact that she wasn't that attractive and I was completely plowed at that point, but regardless.

I wasn't prepared for the next place. I have no idea of the name, but there was a live band covering Rage Against the Machine and chicks dressed like strippers dancing for your enjoyment on the bar. No exaggeration. I thought I had stepped into a strip joint for a second. These babes weren't messing around. If they had it, they shook it. I paid dearly for my satisfaction of my current state with numerous shots and tips.

Sometime after that, I stumbled back to the hotel with my other buddy while the Great One went to the Casino down the street and won $800. I ate an entire box of gushers and went to bed.

The rest of the weekend was spent attending the other two Brewer games while checking out more of the "traditional" things to do in St. Louis as evidenced by this photo:

Some additional good times were had though. Here they are in no particular order:
-I'm sitting in line early Sunday morning outside the stadium ticket office. There is a large sign that clearly states "Tickets" and a line of maybe a dozen people waiting to get to the windows. There is basically nothing else in the surrounding area. A woman comes up to me (again, I'm in the ticket line of a major league baseball stadium) and asks: "Why are people in line? What's this for?" I just stare at her for 5 seconds...then say very slowly..."T I C K E T S."
-On the "Kiss Cam" during Sunday's game, the last couple they showed were two middle-aged women with short haircuts. They had a long, passionate kiss and at the end stared into each other's eyes. I have nothing to say about this, the event just simply needs to be documented.
-I had a conversation with a Cardinals fan in front of me during the Sunday game about Looper and Suppan. He asked me how I liked Looper in a Brewer uniform and I told him something along the lines of "he's doing decent so far, it's nice having that kind of guy in the rotation, He's just like Suppan but we got him at a more reasonable cost...blah blah blah." The gentleman then states that Suppan is "way" better then Looper and that he didn't feel like Looper could "take it to teams" and "step it up a notch when it matters" like Suppan could. I kind of let the conversation lull after that. No point in arguing. I guess Soup is still somewhat of a demigod down there from his performance in 2006.

All in all, GREAT trip. Like I mentioned already, the Stadium is in a great location and designed very well with the St. Louis skyline right in the background. Everything (bars, restaurants, the river, the stadium, hotels) are within a mile of each other. And, I will say it one more time, the St. Louis fans were extremely friendly.

I know there is a budding fued going on between certain members of the St. Louis media and the young shirts-untucked Brewer Whippersnappers...but I saw none of that arrogant close-mindedness when I was down there. But hey, I guess there isn't much to make fun of if you're a Cardinals fan and you're up against a superior team like the Brew Crew.


ClownShipLollypop said...

The first couple times I went to St. louis it was fun, but then I made the mistake of going after the bad storms a few years back. It was like a third world country. Trash and bums everywhere. Some random street rat asked me for change and when I ignored him he insisted on showing me his shotgun scar. Another bum asked for money to get Starbucks. Apparently, shitbag bums are into gourmet coffee.

Anonymous said...

Another Great One quote:

Billups point #1.
"Ok. I Billups-ed the turn. It was 2% my fault and 98% the state of Illinois/the construction of the on ramp."

--the other female reader

Anonymous said...

Time out, I said 98% my fault, 2% the state of IL

garcia said...

Did you go to Skeeter's? That's the worst place to eat there (or anywhere for that matter). It was fast food style eats with restaurant prices... and all the servers were a little extra special...

Anonymous said...

the begining of the post sounded much like the old blog...i loved it!! you shoulda totally plowed the STL girl and gave her someone elses name/info...like 'the FIB' or my classic go to friend who is extremely freckled. and making fun of "the big show/the great one" is always high comedy. and yes he is the loudest beast ever!! who shared a hotel room with the big fella? did it smell as bad as the legendary stink that was our hotel room in LAX!!

i would also like to note that i share an office with a Cardinals fan and we have a season long bet for who wins each game between these two team...gotta love a STL sweep!! 3-0!!


Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed in Woz. I'd expect that lack of game from WV23, but not someone on this fine blog.

Matt said...


I enjoyed this.



Anonymous said...

The following takes place between 3 AM and 4 AM Sunday morning:

Woz “Great_One can you keep it down I’m really tired.”

GO “Woz how the F can you be tired you have slept all day(from like 4-9, then bed at 11).”

Woz “Yeah I know I did, but man that took a lot out of me.”

Anonymous said...

Gotta agree, the death pool quote was the best...