I'm Watching Too Many Commercials Lately

We've been watching the NCAA tournament for more than a week now. If you're like me, you are watching more commercials than you usually do, because you're not using the DVR as much with the live basketball. Flipping between games is fine, but more often than not we find that games are at commercial at the same time.

Given this dynamic, I've been keeping a mental list of the most annoying commercials shown ad nauseum during the tournament. I'm sure you all will have other thoughts.

5. I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I'd sure as hell hope that she wouldn't be like Maggie, the little girl from the Howie Long/Chevy commercial. "I'm a big girl." Oh yeah, Maggie? Are ya? Sit your ass in that SUV and close the door. Hopefully Chevy has engineered some good soundproofing into that particular vehicle.

4. Spaghetti Jimmy. The Capital One commercials are getting hideous (unless it involves Vikings), and this one is the worst of the bunch. I don't even really want to talk about this one. Garbage.

3. Buffalo Wild Wings has the commercial where the restaurant patrons want the basketball game between Boston and New York to never end. Really? Seriously? More than wanting your team to win, you just want the game to go on in perpetuity? In the commercial, right after "New York" ties the game with Boston, some assclown wearing a "Boston" jersey says that he wishes the game would never end. "Send it into overtime! Yeah!" OK Boston cockgobbler. If your team has the ball at the end of the game with the shot clock off, the absolute worst case scenario (unless your team can't inbound the ball because, say, your guy pulls a Lazar and steps over the end line) is that the game is going to overtime. But since we're in stupid commercialland, the good folks at Buffalo Wild Wings have the power to send this particular game into overtime, with the full backing of the Boston fans, mind you, by causing the Boston guy to miss a wide open, game-winning layup at the end of the game, with Boston fans cheering their hearts out. Just dumb.


2. The Burger King midget farmer commercial. I have seen this commercial at least twenty times, and I still can't decide whether it is serious or not. Do farmers know about a hearty breakfast? Perhaps. But what about wee farmers? Do they know about hearty breakfasts, or do they just know about hearty breakfasts for wee folk? "They're small but they work hard" says the small farmer. OK. I'm not looking for a hard-working breakfast. Just one that doesn't have me thinking about gnawing my arm off by 10:30. Will the BK midget farmer breakfast meet this criteria? Unclear.

1. CBS 58 news, "Just 10 Minutes of Your Day." This jingle will be in my head until I die. And I hate CBS 58 for it. Hate them. I don't watch local news, and if I did, I'd never consider watching CBS, but this cements it for me. I'll never watch the evening news on CBS 58. Ever. I'm not sure if this commercial is limited to the Milwaukee area, or if every market with a CBS affiliate has to suffer through its own version of this horrid commercial. I truly hope all of you outside of Milwaukee don't know what I'm talking about with respect to this particular commercial.

What commercials am I enjoying? The Bud Light ones aren't bad. "That's why I don't ride a bike."

Finally, an observation about the actual tournament. Does anyone else think it is stupid that the Sweet 16/Elite 8 games in Arizona are held in the Cardinals NFL stadium? I guess I can understand using a giant stadium for the Final 4, but using these stadiums at this level just makes it look like there are 10,000 people in the place. I don't know what the attendance figures have been at Glendale, but give these players some atmosphere for goodness sake. Use a basketball stadium.

Last Night

Love Mizzu, love 'em. 40 minutes of Hell, part II. They press the titties off the ball, play helter-skelter, rotate 11 guys in, jack up 3s....lets see what happens. Other than Pitino, I'm surprised more teams don't play this style. I could see athletic kids in high school wanting to play this way. And it works. Check out coach Mike Anderson's resume.

Boy it's nice seeing Duke get pounded. It was only a 3 point game at halftime, yet you could tell Duke would get creamed in the 2nd half. It was weird. Villanova just gets after it. Sorry for the cliche, but they looked "hungry." It's like somebody told them "if you don't win tonight, your Momma and Daddy can't eat for two weeks." Duke could barely run their offense. How about a combine 9-45 from Henderson-Scheyer-Singler.

How does that fat little PG from Pitt do it? He's like a taller Khalid El-Amin. Just makes big shot after big shot. Sorry, Nubs. Your Muskets fought the good fight, but couldn't come through. Nice team, though.

UConn beat Purdue in a game that never felt like the Boils would win. Even when they whittled the spread down to a couple, it seemed like a mere formality. Thabeet is just too big - just a beast. He should be illegal, sort of like Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl. UConn - Mizzu should be interesting. I could see Thabeet getting winded after about 2 minutes. Mizzu will win, by the way. Only 1 day to prepare for that style, and UConn doesn't have enough ball handlers against it.

Speaking of a beast, the Big East is 14-2 with Louisville and Syracuse going tonight. Other conferences:

Big-12: 10-3
Pac-10: 6-5
Big-11: 6-6
ACC: 5-6

Somehow, the NCAA Tournament is Even Better This Year

Billy = Bad

Clark = Not Billy

March Madness Is Great - Part IX

Hacking On 2-0

We started a weekly column over at the Sports Bubbler. Our debut column broke down a few of the lower seeds in the Big Dance. Hope you enjoy it. Here's a sample.


West Regional

#16 Seed: Chattanooga (18-16)

Conference: Southern Conference. Not to be confused with the Big South, Southland, Southeast, or Southwest Athletic Conferences.

Location: Chattanooga, Tennessee

Nickname: Mocs

Famous Alums: Who knew UT-Chattanooga produced TV legends? Both Hugh Beaumont (Ward Cleaver) and Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding) were Mocs. Oh, and Terrell Owens is pretty famous. Just ask him.

Early Xmas Gift: At 18-16, why the hell aren’t the Mocs in the Play-In game?

Can They Win? No chance: UConn 218, Chattanooga 35.

March Madness Is Great - Part VII

Hating You Brackets After Day 1

Yeah, I had Iowa State in the Final 4 the year they lost to #15 seed Hampton in round one. "They have an NBA point guard (Tinsley)!" was my argument. Oops. Paul Shirley couldn't put them over the top.

Everybody is all smiles when they turn that puppy in....for like a day. Then the upsets hit. Work is usually pretty solid on Monday. Half the people already ripped up their brackets, the other half bragging: "I knew Kent State would still be around." Sure, you did. Usually it's the secretary with huge cans leading the standings. Actually, my boss picked George Mason in their Final Four that year - no shit. Probably the most unbelievable sports prediction (that came true) I've ever seen.

March Madness Is Great - Part VII

Goldy, where was this on your ultimate set list? CRANK IT UP!

March Madness Rules - Part VI

No Dickie Vitale.

Thank God. I couldn't spot Ian Eagle or Jim Spanarkel out of a police lineup, but would much rather listen to them than Vitale. Didn't think of this one until I flipped to the ESPN Bracketology show a couple hours ago. Dickie was jabbering loudly about some nonsense (probably the ACC). My 2.5 year old daughter stopped, looked at the TV, said "He's scary," and ran towards Mommy with her ears covered. Not joking.

March Madness Is Great - Part V

BOISE, IDAHO. Idaho's capital hosts first/second round action this year. Apparently in the worlds largest Taco Bell. Anyway, I'm telling you...crazy shit always happens at the Boise regionals. Hampton (15 seed) over Iowa St, Tyus Edney beating Mizzou, and March 15th, 2001 had the closest 4 games in tourney history at 1 site - 4 games decided by 7 points. Sweet action!

Update: Well, look at that. MU and Bucky both end up in Boise. Does this foreshadow a UW upset win and a MU upset loss?

March Madness is Great - Part IV

Another great thing about March Madness is watching Brad, who watches more college basketball than anyone I know, struggle mightily with his brackets year after year.

Perhaps this is his year - we'll have to wait for the Greater Chuckie Hacks Open to find out.

March Madness Is Great - Part III

I'm in full fledged Big Dance mode if you can't tell. That won't change until March 23rd.

Buzzer Beaters
Too many to count. I'll single out the Bryce Drew/Valpo buzzer beater over Ole Miss. Ole Miss was lead by SEC player of the year Ansu Sesay. I like saying Ansu Sesay. He had a chance to ice it but clanked two free throws. Without a timeout, Valpo ran the famous play shown below. Pass to half court, quick pass to Drew - ONIONS! An instant classic. Valpo beat Florida State in round two before falling to the Lamar Odom-led Rhode Island Rams in the Great 8.

The guy who passed Drew the ball was Bill Jenkins. I played high school ball against him and his twin brother, Bob. They (Nicolet) had like 3 other D1 guys. Lets just say, they dropped 100 on us. Yep, an even one-hundred. So the next time we play at Nicolet, we're milling around their trophy case and what do we see? The press clipping of that game displayed on a plaque for everyone to see...right next to the regional championship trophies and all that good stuff. It was only time in school history they hit triple digits. Who knew we helped make history? Ha.

March Madness Is Great - Part II

Another enjoyable feature of the Big Dance is watching Wisconsin's struggle against Mid Majors. SW Missouri State, Georgia State, Tulsa, Texas A&M-Corpus Christi, UNLV, Davidson, etc. That's always good for a few laughs - and painful basketball.

March Madness Is Great - Part I

A mere 7 days left till the Big Dance. I'm giddy. All week I'll throw out a random Tourney moment to get you in the mood.

"Who The Hell Is This Guy?"

Every few years, some no-namer comes out of nowhere and makes a name of himself. I was in college when Weber State's Harold "The Show" Arceneaux shot the titties off the ball in the first weekend of the '99 Tourney. The guy lit up #3 seed North Carolina (36 points) and #6 Florida (32) in rounds 1 and 2. Everywhere I went, people were talking about "The Show." It was crazy. Hot chicks who didn't know a bracket from a beer bong were talking about this guy. Alas, they lost to Florida in OT. But Arceneaux is the poster child for guys that you've never heard of before the tourney, and never hear from afterwards.

I'll bet Harry's lighting up some C league in Norway right now, taunting scrubs like Ray Nixon and Todd Townsend the whole time - "YOU CAN'T STOP THE SHOW! THE SHOW MUST GO ON, BITCH! "

Honorable Mention: Ken "Mouse" McFadden, Cleveland State. Jon Bryant, Wisconsin. Bo Kimble, Loyola Marymount. Fennis Dembo, Wyoming.

St Johns Wishes It Was 1985

Boy do they suck. Nine minutes in and Dwight Burke has as many points as St Johns does - 4. The announcers have talked more about Lou Carnasecca than the current team. I don't blame them. MU up 11-4.

Halftime Update:
Marquette up 36-10!! Yup, the Johnnies with a Big Ten-like 10 points at half. Ron Artest and Keith G's friend Chris Mullin suiting up for the 2nd half.

The Georgetown Collapse is Complete

They lost in the first round of the Big East Tournament to St Johns. The Hoyas started out 10-1 beating Memphis and UConn at UConn...only to go 6-13 along the way. Spectacular.

In other Big East action - DePaul gets their first conference win of the year, beating Cinci. That would be Tournament hopeful Cinci. Enjoy the NIT, Bearcats.

Marquette At A Crossroads

Really don't know what to make of MU right now. They could have easily lost these games with James, so it's hard to see the effects of his injury. Acker isn't bad, but I saw they had 1 assist in the first half vs Louisville. One? Pitt and UConn are just too physically imposing. Tall doesn't kill Marquette (they had Stanford and the 7-foot Lopez sisters beat in the tourney, until one of them rattled in an OT buzzer-beater), but brute force does. A couple more big sows that take up space - even if they suck - would be helpful against the likes of Pitt/Uconn. A Chris Grimm/Ooze Barro, if you will. I mean, when Burke goes to the pine, Hayward and Jimmy Butler are your bigs. Come on.

I missed the Syracuse game, but saw they lost in OT. God I hate Syracuse.

Where do we go from here? Believe it or not, I hope they lose early in the 42 team Big East tournament. Seriously, I want them to lose. Why?
A) McNeal, Wes, and Hayward average about 39:59 minutes per game. They need rest, and MU can't afford another injury.
B) A loss would put expectations would be really, really low in the Big Dance. I like low expectations, it pisses the team off and motivates them to prove naysayers wrong ('07 Packers, Badger hoops most years, Brewers this year?)
C) Almost annually, you do yourself no favors by winning the Big East meat-grinder. Heading into the NCAA's on a roll doesn't always work - That's a myth. Here's the Big East Tourney Champs and what they did in the Big Dance (Since 2000):

2008 - Pitt - Lost in 2nd Round
2007 - Georgetown - Final 4
2006 - Syracuse - Didn't Win a Game
2005 - Syracuse - Didn't Win a Game
2004 - UConn - Won Title
2003 - Pitt, Sweet 16
2002 - UConn, Elite 8
2001 - Boston College, Lost in 2nd Round
2000 - St Johns, Lost in 2nd Round

The teams that were not elite to begin with (Okafor/Gordon UConn and Hibbart/Jeff Green GTown, the exception) seemed to fizzle out in the NCAA's - maybe because they beat themselves up for 4 games beforehand.

Bottom Line: winning a couple BET games might add a little confidence, but in my opinion, rest/health is more important for MU right now.

It's Back!

March Madness has officially started! Sort of. Believe it or not, conference tournaments started last night. The Horizon, Big South, and Ohio Valley tipped off their conference tournaments. UWM beat some team by a couple. How's that for analysis? I see UWGB went 22-9 this year. I had no idea...haven't paid attention to them since Jeff Nordgaard was sporting a Phoenix jersey.

Point is - the madness, buzzer-beaters, broken dreams, and overtime thrillers have officially begun. To cap it all off...finally a NCAA tournament WITHOUT Billy Packer!!

YESSSS!!!

Billy Packer is DONE announcing Final Fours!! Hallelujah, praise the Basketball Gods!!

Miami Herald Story.

Detroit Roady - A Brief Reivew

Not a full blow-by-blow of the recent Detroit roadie to see the Sweet 16, but a few of the high/low lights.

-----The Good-----

Cheli's Bar - Owned by former Badger hockey player Chris Chelios, this was the designated hangout for all Badger fans. Spent a considerable amount of Friday here before/after the game. Ran into Barry Alvarez early, Larry McCarren late (who looked to be serving himself nicely), and a bartender with one of the most ridiculous racks ever both early and late.

Andy Kendeigh - Ran into the channel 12 news guy, also at Cheli's. Good guy. I got to go on air with my Badger prediction. So, if any of you saw some jackass proclaim "Badgers by 12, Flowers will shut down Curry" on the 5:00 news on Friday, it wasn't me. I swear.

Detroit Plight - Overall, the city (downtown, at least) looked much better than I remembered from a visit 7 years ago. I heard they cleaned up pretty well for the Super Bowl a few years ago. Kudos, Detroit!


Steve Curry - His shooting display was cool to watch. After a while, most of the 60,000 spectators were standing up going "oooooooohhh" after each bomb was dropped.

Some Random Chick - So we just get into Michigan when a distressed motorist walks into the gas station and asks "Does anybody know where Belleville is?" After looking at the map, she had been going the wrong direction...for 2 hours! She almost broke down in tears with this news. Seriously, this was the first time she decided to look at a map? Good, no, great times!

Detroit Beer Company - A must stop for fans of the craft brews and hot waitresses. Unfortunately, it was the gathering place for Davidson fans. What an odd bunch. They all looked like the kids from Dead Poets Society.


Hockeytown - Another great hangout right by Comerica Park. It's a pseudo Redwings/Tigers museum with flat screens as far as the eye can see.

-----The Bad-----

Ford Field for Basketball - Not a place you want to take in a game. The court was a mile away, and we were in the first level. They did serve peanuts with a giant Lions logo on it. I scoffed at the guy selling them to me and he goes "I know, the peanuts are probably losers too." Bingo!

Ford Field for Football - I can't imagine this place being a sweet place to take in a football game. The barn was nice enough, but indoor football just doesn't seem right.

Michigan State Fans - They were sporting their Sparty green everywhere at Ford Field. That made it extra special to see the Memphis-MSU halftime score: 50-20!


Michigan Fans - There were 2 in the whole building...right in front of us. MGD Mike almost pummeled both of them when they were flashing their allegiance. Yeah, because Michigan hoops fans have a lot to brag about.

Villanova Fans - Seriously, I saw about 30 people in Nova gear. They must have known the Kansas beatdown was coming. No, we didn't see these chicks:


Driving Through Chicago - Holy Hell, this took about 2 hours...and it wasn't even rush hour.

Wisconsin Cops - Number of Cops shooting radar on I-94 in Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan combine? Zero. Number of Cops from the Ill/Wis border to Madison? 6.

Indiana Roads - Indiana better have really low taxes, because they don't spend a dime on their roads. It's like driving on the Moon.

Great 8

While watching the Great 8 I saw teams representing the Big-12, Pac-10, Big East, ACC, Atlantic-10, C-USA, and even the Southern Conference. But none from the Big-11. Hmm, that's weird. At least Michigan State looked good.

Full recap of Detroit happenings coming soon. Teaser: Larry McCarren can pound beers.