FLATTEN THE GIANTS!!

One down, one to go and GB is NFC Champs! Matt correctly called out Seattle for letting the weather get into their heads...thanks to Josh Brown's remote controlled long johns. Well, it's already in the Giants head. They practiced outside on Wednesday....bwwaaahhhhh!! Good luck with that...it was 40 degrees where they practiced! Try moving the decimal point one to the left. Yup, kickoff temperature is forecasted at +4.

The weather factor alone won't win the game. It's not like the Giants are from Key West. The conditions are the same for both teams, just don't tell Seattle. The two reasons GB should be worried: New York is 9-1 on the road (wow), and their D-Coordinator is a Jim Johnson disciple...the JJ defenses always provide headaches. Will there be any more?

Friday:
Michael Strahan walks off the airplane and his lungs instantly freeze. His gigantor gap teeth let in way too much cold Wisconsin air for one man to handle. He's questionable for the game.

Pregame:
- Eli wishes he was back at Ole Miss. Joe Buck's smugness is already driving me crazy. Somehow, he sneaks in a couple of St. Louis Cardinal references.

First Quarter:
- New York matriculates the ball down the field, 4 yards at a time....just like the opening drive by the Lions on Turkey Day. 3-0, Giants.
- The Packers with a modest drive ended by a Ruvell Martin drop.
- Driver catches a 6 yard pass, breaks 1, 2, 3 tackles for a 32 yard gain.
- Grant stuffs it in from 2 yards out!! Great block by Kuhn! Packers 7, Giants 3.

Second Quarter
- The Giants D-Line is getting pressure, but to no avail as Favre gets rid of the ball like its an illegal walleye. 42 yarder by Crosby, Stills, and Nash. 10-3, Packers.
- Jacobs goes down after Ryan Pickett's boiler lands on his ankle. Coughlin turns and stares down the Giant's GM with a "I sure wish we had Ryan Grant you A-hole" look on his face.
- Eli warms up (throwing wise) with a few completions to Toomer, screen to Bradshaw, and to that guy replacing Shockey. Poppy and Collins (sort of) on the coverage. It's another FG. 10-6, Packers.
- Barnett is everywhere.
- Just before the half (aided by a nice Blackman punt return), Favre dumps off passes to Driver, Grant, Jackson, Jennings, and Driver again to the NY 25. TOUCHDOWN Ruvell Martin as he out jumps the Giants #6 cornerback, in the corner.

Halftime: Packers 17, Giants 6
- I can't wait to see the scheduled 40 yard race between former Packers Bill Schroeder, Jeff Query, and Don Beebe. Whoever thought of this idea should get a raise. My money is on Beebe.
- Thus far, Troy Aikman has talked about the Cowboys more than the Giants.

Third Quarter
- The halftime hot chocolate is just what the doctor ordered as New York marches right down the field and scores on a Steven Smith busted coverage TD. Packers 17, Giants 13.
- Osi Umenyiorayuumenyuumioryya creates a Grant fumble in GB territory. Uh oh...a nervous hush surrounds Curly.
- Not to worry! Cullen Jenkins hammers Eli's now brittle hands: Fumble...Hawk recovers!
- Grant gashing for runs of 9, 6, and 13 yards.
- It's another Favre-Jennings connection for a TD!!! Packers 24, Giants 13.
- Giants add another field goal to keep within striking distance. Packers 24, Giants 16.

Fourth Quarter
- It's so cold, Eli is on the bench (almost in tears) mumbling..."Stupid Archie, I should have signed with San Diego."
- One week Kearney, Strahan the next. Another yeoman-like effort by Tauscher. Bubba blocking well too.
- Jones with a big gainer as the below average Giants secondary is clueless.
- New York has given up running the ball, putting it in Eli's hands in the now -1 degree weather. Advantage: Green Bay.
- Pick by Bigbie after a Corey Williams deflection! 6:12 left. Packer fans can smell it now.
- Play action to Grant, Brett steps back...everyone forgets about...Koren Robinson..TOUCHDOWN!! Koren is more than happy to Lambeau Leap and catch a few sips of Genuine Draft. Packers 31, Giants 16.
- It's all over but the dancing now. MM gets the trademark Gatorade bath...he's now colder than Walt Disney.

In other news, New England wins 49 to 7.

Final Score: Green Bay 31, New York 16.

FLATTEN THE SEAHAWKS!!

Well gang, the preseason is over. Big time football is here. There's a party at Curly's house and the Seagulls, Packers and 75,000 over-served Wisconsinites are invited. The KC Wolf is back out of retirement after last using it for the Dallas game. How about a little reverse-superstition. I've herd every prediction in the book, from "Green Bay will roll 28-7" to "Seattle will win, book it" and everything in between. BUCKLE UP, here's what's gonna happen:

- Green Bay starts with a quick 3 and out with Capt Rocketball almost throwing an interception (hits Lofa Tatupu in the hands) on 3rd and 9 leading every Packer fan in the country to say "Oh sh!t, this is gonna be a looooong day." Jason Spitz gets blown up like a M-80 with a quick wick.
- Seattle's offense shows little in the first quarter but kicks a short field goal after a Ryan Grant fumble. This leads Tony Siragusa to say how Josh Brown is a snoosy for wearing battery operated Long Johns. Yes, we get the Kenny Alberts/Moose Johnson crew, which is fine except that means the Human Trash Heap Siragusa will also be there. How many times will he reference: beer, bratwurst, or cheeseheads? The over/under is set at 6.5.
- Shaun Alexander takes the handoff, then promply falls down when a defender breathes on him. Repeat this 16 more times throughout the game.
- Jennings gets some serious YAC on a quick slant making it 10-7 Seattle at half. Tauscher and Clifton are keeping Favre clean. The running game is stagnant.
- Halftime: to the delight of nobody, the St Norberts cheerleading squad makes a six person human pyramid. Weeeee!

Halftime
- Here's when Mr Halftime Adjustment McCarthey goes to work. The 3rd quarter starts with Grant gashing 8 and 9 yard gains. Korey Hall is blocking like Anthony Munoz.
- Donald Lee starts to get involved. And Koren Robinson is the unsung player of the game. He only ends up with 3 or4 catches but one goes for a big gain and the others are 9 yarders on 3rd and 8s.
- Hasselbeck starts getting hasseled as Corey Williams provides pressure up the middle. AJ Hawk even makes a big play with a forced fumble.
- Packers are now up 23-13...until....Clifton slips, Kearny tee's off on Favre and Seattle returns the fumble to the 12. Touchdown by whoever Al Harris is covering. 23-20.
- It's the 4th quarter and the teams are trading punts.
- The "We want the ball, and we're gonna score" quote is replayed for the 21st time.
- 3:12 left...need to eat clock now.....wait.....BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE...Ulysses Grant busts one of his patented 42 yard sprints up the middle to put it in the bank!!
- Postgame, Favre runs up to The Walrus and yells "PUT 'ER IN THE 'OL VICE!!"

Final Score: Green Bay 30, Seattle 20