The French Defense Tightens Up; Holds US Under 80

In something called the Junior World Championship of American Football, the US took France behind the woodshed and squeaked out a 78-0 victory. Oh, and the yardage totals? 610-7.

In other action, Canada beat New Zealand 55-0, and Sweden lost to Mexico 41-0. I pray that the Kiwis and Swedes are off the US schedule. The US might reach triple digits by halftime.

Remember Ping-Pong Diplomacy from US history class? Well, we got destroyed. Maybe we should start American Football Diplomacy with North Korea. We'll give them 2 yard to get a first down, and we'll only have 6 guys on offense. That could sooth relationships!

Chuckie Hacks: Your forum for ingenious political solutions!

Get Ready For Another Crappy Year of Big-11 Football

From CBSSportsline's Dennis Dodd:

This might be the worst I've seen the Big Ten in 11 years.

The Big Ten remains the leader in BCS bowls (19) but you don't have to be told the league has lost a step in recent years. The 28 NFL draft picks each of the last two seasons ranked fifth (2008) and tied for fourth (2009) among major conferences.

The league is only 9-20 in bowls (1-6 last season) since 2005.

Here's my best example for how average the Big Ten has become: Penn State has to replace 12 starters (the most in the league), including its entire secondary. It is a twisted ankle at quarterback away from finishing fifth. A good, not great, group of receivers have to be replaced by what might be good, not great, group of receivers.

Still, the Nittany Lions are a virtual pick-'em with Ohio State to go to the Rose Bowl.

By the way, the Rose Bowl is going to be it for the conference champ. I don't see a national title contender in the bunch. The letters U, S and C will burn the ears of Big Ten loyalists. USC has beaten Big Ten teams by a combined 60 points the past three Januarys. The Trojans will likely be waiting in Pasadena to lay the smack down once again.

Like the Woody and Bo days, it's still a two-team league. Unlike the Woody and Bo days, there's not much national buzz.

As for Bucky:

7. Wisconsin -- Is it time to panic yet? Bielema started 21-5 in his first two seasons, then slumped to 7-6 last year. But it was the way it happened: Bielema still hasn't been able to find a serviceable quarterback. The Badgers looked lost on defense and the prospects aren't good for this season. The formula to beat Wisconsin hasn't changed: Let the tailbacks get their yards, smack the quarterback in the mouth, wait for the turnovers and control the ball against a poor-tackling defense.

FSU Beat Ohio State 37-6..and It Wasn't Even a BCS Game.

Nope, this wasn't Bobby Bowden dropping a late 4th quarter flea-flicker in the Sugar Bowl. This was in baseball.

Eastern Kentucky Owns Kentucky State's Soul

Eastern Kentucky 49, Kentucky State 1. In baseball. Only 5 innings were played and the back end of the doubleheader was scratched. Yikes! Good thing State scored that one run, or it really would have gotten out of control. The Thorobreds have a pretty solid program - they've lost other games this year by scores of 19-0, 18-1, 29-2, and 22-4.

Didn't Hideous Cunt Cletidus Hunt go to Kentucky State?

March Madness Is Great - Part III

I'm in full fledged Big Dance mode if you can't tell. That won't change until March 23rd.

Buzzer Beaters
Too many to count. I'll single out the Bryce Drew/Valpo buzzer beater over Ole Miss. Ole Miss was lead by SEC player of the year Ansu Sesay. I like saying Ansu Sesay. He had a chance to ice it but clanked two free throws. Without a timeout, Valpo ran the famous play shown below. Pass to half court, quick pass to Drew - ONIONS! An instant classic. Valpo beat Florida State in round two before falling to the Lamar Odom-led Rhode Island Rams in the Great 8.

The guy who passed Drew the ball was Bill Jenkins. I played high school ball against him and his twin brother, Bob. They (Nicolet) had like 3 other D1 guys. Lets just say, they dropped 100 on us. Yep, an even one-hundred. So the next time we play at Nicolet, we're milling around their trophy case and what do we see? The press clipping of that game displayed on a plaque for everyone to see...right next to the regional championship trophies and all that good stuff. It was only time in school history they hit triple digits. Who knew we helped make history? Ha.

Oil Can Boyd Thinks He's Satchel Paige

Remember Oil Can Boyd? The guy with the cool name back when you collected baseball cards...like 22 years ago? He wants to pitch again. He's 49. Nah, not Wii baseball. Not the Land O' Lakes League. Not even for the St Paul Saints. He thinks he can still pitch in the Big Leagues. Good luck with that. Don't burn down the stadium.

Stanley, Wisconsin Is Beautiful This Time Of Year...

Yesterday's pic of the day was Dave Redding:

Who happens to look eererly similar to Jagr's co-worker:

Jagr's co-worker is an ol' boy from Northern Wisconsin who uses phrases like:

"Colder than a well-digger's ass"

"That guy is sooo tight he could squeeze shit out of a buffalo nickle"

"Slicker than snot on a hoe handle"

...and other one-liners that make you laugh like crazy - even if you have no idea what they mean. Also, he smokes Kool cigs and pounds Coors Light by the case. So, its officially confirmed..these guys are indeed long lost brothers. Awesome!

Clemson 74, Duke 47

It gives me great pleasure to report this score.

Beatdown

A delightful afternoon at Curly. First, we destroy the Bears. Then, we get to watch numerous Bears fans watching the Packers destroy the Bears. Finally, we got to see obnoxious Bears fans not say a word from about the end of the first quarter on, as the Packers start destroying the Bears. Great times.

- How long does it take Bears fans to set up a flag pole? About 56 minutes for the douche bags tailgating next to us.

- Had to urinate bad right before half. Thought I would beat the halftime rush and go during the 2 minute warning. Bad idea. The lines were about 10 deep, so I missed a quick 10 points by the Pack. But in one of the most amazing things I've ever seen, all 100+ drunk guys in the bathroom went completely silent listening to each play on the radio. After the touchdown, the place went nuts - no pun intended. Getting 100 drunkards all silent is a small miracle...and could only be accomplished by NFL football.

- Jersey Watch. Lambeau was loaded with Bears fans. I'd say %95 of Chicago jersey's were Urlachers, with a few random Hester, Forte, Payton, and even a sweet McMahon #9. No lie, the second most common Bears jersey I saw was "#57, Kruetz." WTF? The guy's a center! Most random? Packers #80. Big deal, a Driver jersey, right? Nah. How about a Derrick Mayes #80? I don't think I saw a Derrick Mayes uni when Derrick Mayes actually played in Green Bay. The Winner? Some guy tailgating next to us (went at least 4 bills) with a personalized #76 and "Matt" on the back. Ha, got to love the first name on the jersey. Heard Jennings is gonna wear "Greg" on his next week.

- Example Number 1,823 of the NFL being completely bi-polar and impossible to predict. Last week, Tennessee's vaunted rushing attack went into Chicago and got a whopping 29 yards on 20 carries. This week, the Packers morbid ground game met up with the Bears 4th ranked rush defense. The result: 38 carries - 200 yards - 5.3 ypc.

- Kudos to the Green Bay O-Line. The interior of the line was road grading Chicago almost at will. At the same time, Chuck didn't get sacked or even knocked down all game.

- Justin Harrell sighting. I actually saw him pushing some people around...and it wasn't to get to the buffet table!

- AJ Hawk played great in the middle. Seemed more instinctive and natural at MLB. Yeah, he plugged the wrong hole at times (that's what she said) but played very good.

- Chicago completed a stellar 4 passes to WRs. They tried picking on Trammy Williams… nada.

- Chuck completed 23 of 30 passes. One was a spike to kill the clock, two were throw-aways out of bounds. That's efficiency, my friends.

- What happened to Devin Hester? I used to soil myself every time he’d return a kick. He's almost "just a guy" these days. He's currently ranked 51st in punt return average, and 23rd in kick returns.

Sparty Learned How to Put the Ball In the Basket

Sparty took the Hoosiers behind the woodshed for a whippin', knocking Indiana out of a tie for the lead in the Big Ten standings.

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Michigan State scored 103 (!) points in a blowout win over Indiana today.

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This is the same Spartans team that scored a total of 78 points in losses to Iowa (36 points) and Wisconsin (42 points). MSU had 59 points at the half against Indiana.

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Wow.