Watch Hockey Tonight

My guy Jagr says Game 7 of Lord Stanley's Cup is on tonight. He's a die-hard Pens fan, so has considerable interest. Either he'll A) drink heavily in celebration, or B) drink heavily from losing Game 7. I'll give it a shot and watch.

Everyone, SING IT!!!

Well I went down to my local arena.

I asked to see the manager man.

He came from his office and said, "Son can I help you?"

I looked at him and said, "Yes you can."

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

(Yes I do.)

Since I was young it's been my dream

to drive that there zamboni machine.

I'd get that ice just as slick as could be,

and all the kids would look up to me.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

(Yes I do.)

The manager said, "Son, I know it looks keen,

but that right there is one expensive machine.

And we've got Smokey who's been driving for years."

About that time, I broke down in tears.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

(Yes I do.)

NFL Over/Under Wins

Vegas (who is right waaaaay more often than you or I) has came out with 2009 NFL over/under win totals.

The Packers are at 9. Minnesota is also at 9 while the Bears are 8.5. Vegas looks for a hotly contested NFC North, I guess.

Only 4 teams in double digits: Pats 11.5, Steelers 10.5, Colts 10, and Giants 10. Detroit brings up the rear with 5.

I like Miami OVER 7, San Diego OVER 9.5, Kansas City UNDER 8, and Tampa UNDER 6.5.

Take it to the Bizank!

Like You Needed A Reason To Visit Delaware?

Everyone's favorite vacation destination just got better. They've legalized sports betting! Not just on the ponies...the full sports book. It's now the only state east of the Mississippi with that distinction. If Delaware Blue Hen's basketball suddenly starts pulling in big time recruits - I smell fish.

"Andy, It's Mr Stern On Line One..."

David Stern has to love this comment from Andy Bogut:

Milwaukee Bucks center Andrew Bogut says on his Web site he is spending the all-star break in Las Vegas.

"It's good to get away and have a change of scenery for a little while," Bogut said. "We all know the main reason why I'm here. To play cards. I'm going to enter a couple of tournaments around here and hopefully can learn from the experience. It's safe to say Vegas has the craftiest and sharkiest players on earth."

The Commish might have his eye on the big fella. After all, Stern "suspended" Michael F-ing Jordan for a year and a half for gambling. Yeah, do you actually think MJ was bored with collecting NBA titles and seriously wanted to ride the buses and hit .190 in the Southern League? Sure he did...

Gambling Is Not a Very Sensitive Topic In the NBA, Right?

Pre-H Akeem Olajuwon experiencing Stern's death grip. Andy Bogut will be in the vice today at some point.

.

Did anybody see Bogut's post-game comments with Craig Coshun on FSN after the Spurs game?

He said something like the following (heavily paraphrasing):

"It's not a game we were expected to win. I would have liked to see what the points were on this game and put some money on it."

[awkward, uncomfortable laugh from Coshun]

[awkward, uncomfortable look from Bogut at the camera, which screamed "oh shit, Stern is going to be calling me about that one, eh mate?"]

Just good times.

Weather Update

Just got a text from semi-frequent Hacker Krey, who is at the game today in Philly (bastard).

"Wind is blowing out...take the over."

Hmmm...not sure if that's good or bad for us. We've got a bunch of free swinging fly ball hitters...so maybe Bill Hall can pop one up and ride the wind outta there. What the hell...swing for the fences guys.

Anyway, call your bookies or jump online and place whatever you got on the over.

A little mental masturbation

I'm not even going to write about the Brewers today...it's just going to upset me...and that's not what I want to happen before what appears to be a nice weekend ahead.

Instead, I'll let you all in on my weekly choice for the massive NFL survivor pool I've found myself in this year. If you don't like it or don't care: TOO BAD. Rules are pretty simple...you can't pick the same team twice for the first 8 weeks...then you pick all the teams again starting in week 9. If it goes to the playoffs, then you can pick any team any week...doesn't matter if you repeat a team each week. Last year my brother-in-law made it with 23 guys all the way to the Super Bowl and took NE...poor sap.

This year: Total of 1,550 entrants, with prize pool of $28,880. Winner take all. I repeat that...WINNER TAKE ALL. So naturally, I plan on paying off my car in a few months.

I was safe the first week and took NE, and it worked out nicely. The first week saw a drop of about 525 guys due to Indy & SD going down...so we're cut out about a third of the riff-raff.

Here's the 3 games I liked in Week 2:
-The obvious pick is the Giants over St. Louis right? St. Louis sucks. The Giants have had 10 days off and should be ready to go.
-Packers over the Lions...seems like a good bet right? Packers played great on Monday night, and Detroit couldn't stop the Atlanta Falcons machine (HA!). No way the Packers lose right?

I might be making a big mistake here, but I actually went a different route and am taking this week a team that some like to call The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. I took AZ and not GB or the Giants for a couple reasons:
-The Giants are on the road, AZ plays at home.
-The Packers have 1 less day off due to playing on Monday night.
-AZ is playing Miami...who by all accounts...is pretty sucky.
-AZ played "well" last week on the road...you'd have to think they'd take care of business at home.

So that's that...call me Yostradomus.

The Padres should just forfeit tonight

It could seriously happen. The Padres might just call in sick tonight. I mean what's the point of even trying to go up against CC.

Oooooo...who are they countering with? Josh Banks? Yeah I hear he's pretty good. Too bad he's got less wins this season (3) then CC has complete games since he came to the NL (4). Suck on that biatch!

"Don't do it Zeus," you might be saying. "Don't give the Woz Guarantee. It hasn't been working lately (or ever). The Brewers struggle against sucky young pitchers. "

F that. This game is in the bag. Consider it Shipped. Bet your farm, houseboat, tool chest, & Goldy's wife's jewelry collection on the Brewers tonight. I give it THE WOZ GUARANTEE.

Side note: The Woz Guarantee will be semi-officially retired if the Brewers don't win tonight.

Vegas Prop Bet update...

The following bets were placed by WozisZeus at the Harrah's sportsbook in Vegas this past weekend. Practically all of them are locks.

-As promised, I placed a cool Benjamin on the Brewers to win the NLCS. I got 6-1. Not bad I thought. Current Predication on bet: LOCK. Woz Guarantee.
-$10 on the Atlanta Braves to take the NLCS. 22 - 1. Current Predication on bet: Praying it doesn't happen cause it means the Crew didn't take it.
-$5 on the Texas Rangers to win the ALCS. 75 -1. Wow...I saw this and had to have action on it. Odds are too good for an over .500 team. They have to take down the Angels though so I don't see it happening. Current Prediction on bet: Definite long shot...but it'll be a nice ship.
-$5 on Mr. Richard Sterne to win the British Open. 125 - 1. I took a flyer on this to have random action on the British. The South African responded by opening up today with a +8 round of 78. Thanks Dick! Prediction: K BYE $5!

Other Vegas dealings:
Craps: Lost in 7 out of 8 sessions (ie...I got effing slammed). - $1,100.
Poker: Won 2 out 3 sessions. Played 1-2 NLHE for about 8 hours and also had a fun 6-12 limit H.O.R.S.E. session where I took down about $75. + $200 overall in Poker.
Other: Various table games, food, tips, blow: -$400
Overall: -$1,300 trip...which was within my budget...so I'm ok with it.

Also got propositioned for dirty hotel sex by a 33 year old cougar prosititute with GI-normous cans at 5am when walking back along the Strip from the Venetian. I politely declined, but thought about my decision all the way back to my room.

Vegas

Heading to Vegas this weekend for the first time in about 7 months. It's been a tough stretch without seeing the lights, but the itch will be scratched big time over this 55 hour run.

The main point of the trip will be to own novices in poker, mixed in with a little degeneracy at the dice tables, where I've been known to yell so loud when the point hits that people think I've won a million bucks or something.

However, some MLB prop bets will have to be made. I'll go with my usual Brewer bet to get to the Series, along with somewhat of a "long shot" which I think I have a statistical edge.

Here are the current odds (as far as I know) for the NL Pennant.

I was a little disappointed to see the Brewers at 7/2. The CC trade obviously boosted them up. Can you imagine what it would have been after the Boston series when we were like 5 games under? It probably was like 16 - 20 to 1. That would have been the time to bet the farm.
But it's irrelevant. Place me down for $150 at 7/2.

The other bet? Hmmm...that's where it gets interesting. Let's bring the NL standings into play.

First of all, let me make a couple points:
-The Rockies are still at 25-1 but they are a 15 games below. Sheesh. Yeah I know they are only 7.5 games back and the West sucks. But 15 games? Come on. The Rockies suck (-77 run differential). I know the D-backs are overrated but you've got to pencil them in for at least 83 wins. The division is theirs.
-The Braves are at 40-1 and they are only 6 games below (6.5 back). I think they've been getting a little unlucky all year (they have consistently had a positive run differential and are currently sitting at +30...which is better then the Brewers...). I REALLY liked this bet before Smoltz went down. Now I'm not so sure. The Phillies would really have to tank. You've got to look at value though...and 40-1 isn't bad. You've got to think the Braves will play a little better on the road right???
-Marlins at 18-1. Nahhhh. Sucker bet. Yeah...4 games over (woo hoo). They'll end up under .500. Book it.

Since this is a long shot bet...I'm thinking $25 bucks on Atlanta. Do the math. It'd be a nice $1,000 ship.

Two other last pieces of general information:
-I am without a doubt the worst sports better on the planet. How bad am I? I'll tell you. I've lost probably over $300 wagering on professional tennis (I could have swore Jen Capriati was a lock at the 2003 US Open...only to see her lose to Henin-Hardenne when she was up a set and up 5-1 in the 2nd set...this was one of the lowest moments in my sports betting career). I once bet $100 on the Toronto Raptors (lost). I once bet $100 on England in a World Cup match (K bye!). I once bet $100 on the Dolphins to win this past year when they were 0-12 or something (wait, that was my buddy Diehl, the 2nd worst sports bettor on the planet).
-If I win $25,000 or more in Vegas, I will be quitting my job and writing this blog full time. Stamp that shit.

Celebrity Death & General Gambling update

Albert Hoffman...the inventor of LSD...tragically lost his life this past weekend.

Congrats to my buddy Dick (an infrequent Hacker) for selecting him in the 3rd round of my Celebrity Death Pool. Quite the pick.

That's the second death amongst celebrities picked for this pool (I had Charlton Heston...who was tragically lost a month or so ago). Here are the updated scores for your amusement.
Woziszeus - 1
Dick - 1
GreatOne - 0
Lofty - 0
DreamCrusher - 0
MK - 0
BK - 0

I actually lost an additional $10 because I had a side bet with Dick. We had a straight up $10 bet as to who would go first (this year only). I had John Goodman...and he had A. Hoffman. Congrats on the side win Dick.

In other side action gambling news, I sent out a general email to some buddies laying the over/under on Ryan Braun home runs in the month of May at 9.5. The Great One (who is the worst sports better on the planet and knows nothing about Baseball or the Brewers in general) immediately took the under and we agreed upon a $50 bet. My Jewish buddy has took out 2 already. Easy money baby!

Brewers Preview - Big Willie Bee Style

Pretty standard fare in this preview of the Brewers by a man named Willie Bee. Except that it's written with an eye towards the gamblers who enjoy laying down a little action on baseball. Which is illegal in Milwaukee.

Some might choke on their Cheerios when reading this little nugget:

The upswing on the field was probably going to happen regardless of who was listed as owner. Thanks to some nice trades during the previous regime that also brought in a solid GM-Manager duo in Doug Melvin and Ned Yost, both of whom came aboard prior to the 2003 season, Attanasio took over a Milwaukee club that was in good hands and already had a nice park in which to play.

So, according to gambling experts, Yost is solid. Take that, Brad.

Cecil Vs Prince: Round 12

Once again it's Cecil talking about his relationship with Prince...once again he thinks it will all work out:

"He's going to have to come back. Ain't got to apologize for nothing, but my son will come back one day, and we'll have a great relationship."

About Cecil's addiction to getting his gamble on:

On just two days in February 1999, he lost $580,000 at Trump Plaza. According to a lawsuit filed in state Superior Court, Fielder paid off small amounts of the debt until the following year, when Trump Plaza sued him and won a judgment for $563,359.

Oh, and the best part? Cecil is a minor league manager in.....Atlantic City???? Good luck with that big fella. Can you say "Double Down, biatch!!!"