Channel Surfing

- Why is golf the only sport which refers to players by their first name: Tiger, Phil, Vijay, Sergio, Ernie, Jack, Arnie, etc. Because, like golf itself, it's LAME. I'm gonna start doing that for the Packers...Aaron, Charles, Greg, Chad, and Cullen.

- Woz tells me Danny Gokey Day was sweet. I'll take his word for it.

- Watched my first (and only) 10 minutes of NBA playoffs tonight. Cavs-Hawks. It was thrilling, let me tell you. If my life depended on guessing where Ben Wallace played, I'd be eating dirt. Cleveland, by the way. And LeBron should get every MVP vote and not even put anyone else on the ballot. How many games would a Mo Williams, Big Z, That guy with the weird hair, Delonte West (WTF is with this guy?), Wallace, and Wally Szcerzbiazckadazcazcazc roster win? 18? 22?

- The Pink bats on Mothers Day are pretty gay. Can't they make them red? Or a dark purple, maybe?

- Apparently, the NHL playoffs are upon us. Came across a game on the Bull Riding channel. Vancouver was on. The new unis are solid...

...but tell me what was wrong with these? Nothing:

In other hockey action, a few teams are left and I'm sure it's intriguing.

- Jerry Augustine? Come on.

- What happened to the "Bill's Grill" segment?

Know Your Wisconsin Sports History

Where did these players attend college? Winner gets Woz's Chipotle wrapper autographed by Gabe Kapler.


Ex-Brewer and current CH commenter MarshallEdwards killed this quiz.

If You Don't Know This, Quit Now:
1) Mark Tauscher - Wisconsin

Only Hard If You're Dyslexic:
2) Big Dogg Robinson - Purdue
3) Paul Molitor - Minnesota
4) Tony Manderich - Michigan St

Getting Harder:
5) Sterling Sharpe - South Cackalacky
6) Vin Baker - Hartford
7) Sam Cassell - Flordia State, Mars Extension
8) Ahmad Carroll - Arkansas

Don't Even Try After An All-Day Tailgate:
9) Jack Sikma - Illinois Wesleyan
10) Bryce Paup - Nothern Iowa
11) Dale Ellis - Tennessee
12) Chris Jacke - UTEP
13) Lynn Dickey - Kansas State
14) Ricky Pierce - Rice
15) Tim Harris - Memphis

Stump The Schwaub Would Get These Wrong:
16) TJ Rubley - Tulsa
17) Alan Ogg - UAB

Random Mighty Ducks Quote

I want you to drop Banks like a bad habit! I want him out of the game! Understand?!

Remember that scene from the first "Mighty Ducks" in which Coach Riley from the Hawks tells two of his guys to take out Adam Banks (the former Hawk who became a Duck through district re-alignment)?

I just thought about that right now as I'm wrapping up my day. I hope you enjoy thinking about the Mighty Ducks from time to time like I do.

Now back to your regularly scheduled Chuckie Hacks programming.

"Tweeeet!"

So I was thinking of getting into the officiating business - hoops. You know, run up and down a little and make a couple measly bucks. Checked out some info on the WIAA website and came across this on the Officials Guide:

Complaints have been filed with the WIAA on officials who have used terms such as: "sweetie," "honey," "babe," "big boy," "stud," "bubba," "chief,"etc. Use of terms such as these are never appropriate.

Bwwwhahahaha! It's on the third line, so it must be a pretty big issue. Can't you just hear some ref at the free throw line saying "Alright, line 'em up. We've got two shots for the Big Boy. Stud gets two shots!" Or, "Sorry, babe, that's traveling...I'll call that every time, Sweetie."

If I encounter any drunken "Shooter's" from Hoosiers, you'll be the first to know.

Random Garbage

Reading about the NFL Hall of Fame candidates. Cortez Kennedy was 1992 NFL defensive player of the year when the Seahawks went 2-14! Now THAT'S impressive.

Shouldn't Magic Johnson be dead by now?

Marquette - Notre Dame on primetime tonight. I like it! Run and gun, baby. Harangody with 30 and 14. Hate to say it, but Dom James has actually turned into a point guard! No, really, he has. It only took 3.5 years, but he finally figured out its better if he distributes the ball, plays great D, and doesn't shoot. Kudos, Dom! It is primetime tonight, so he could easily revert back to Bad Dom.

Did the NBA fold yet?

More MLB Network Love: Watching that nightly show a few days ago and they started the first half hour talking about these teams - Twins, Braves, A's, Orioles, ChiSox, and Tigers. Yep, 30 minutes in and not one mention of the Yankess, Red Sox, or Mets. You hear that, ESPN???

For the third time, I've heard someone say Ueck is an A-Hole at autograph sessions. What's with that? Anybody experience this?

Bucky = NIT

Super Bowl - Steelers 30, Cards 21

Priceless!

Great find Nubs!

Ham Slamwich - Just Because

Really?

You thought this would be about how the Packers have two starting Pro Bowlers, both from their putrid defense. Not yet. I just can't get over those Bud Light "Drinkability" commercials. You know, the ones with the tag line:

"Bud Light - Not too heavy, not too light."

Bwwwhahahaha....yeah, likes there's ever been a person in the history of the world who's ever complained that BUD F#CKING LIGHT was "too heavy??? That's like saying Tony Gwynn Jr's power numbers are "too high."

Back to the Pro-Bowl (not that anybody watches this thing) I'm glad for Woody. He should have made it last year instead of Harris. He played well (really well 1st half of the season) with a fractured toe. Good job Wood. As for Collins...I guess those TDs made a name for him. He's (along with every other safety on the roster) been banged up and not very effective lately, but has made some big plays this year. If he didn't get in, I'd be fine with that too.

Per Wrigleyville's request, we're supposed to mention Favre going to Hawaii and Rodgers is not. Rodgers has better numbers ("God #4" has had as many sub 80 QB rating games as over 80), but Brett has the wins, right? Well, if it comes down to wins and "Favre turning around the Jets", how about the guy they kicked out of town - Chad Pennington. Miami goes from 1-15 to 9-6 and he has a minuscule 6 INTs with the 2nd best QB rating in the AFC. Favre? An NFL leading 17 picks. How about Big Ben getting snubbed? Leading perhaps the best team in football, while playing crossover games vs the AFC South and NFC East, rather than the Jets playing the putrid NFC West and AFC West. Good enough, WV?

Bucks Action On and (Mostly) Off the Court

As I mentioned in a prior post, Goldy and I checked out your 2008-09 Milwaukee Bucks for the first time this season on Saturday night against the Pacers. My dad had 2 tickets he wasn't going to use...why not?

The highlights:

• On the way to the game, Goldy and I tried to figure out who was on the Pacers. Collectively, we came up with 3 names: TJ Ford, Mike Dunleavy and Danny Granger. When we got to the game we could name 2 others by sight: Troy Murphy and Jeff Foster. The other 8 active players (Dunleavy was hurt)? A mystery until game-time.
• One guy we should have gotten was Roy Hibbert. After 2 possessions, Goldy declared Hibbert as a useless NBA player. On this night, at least, Goldy was correct.
• Our tickets promised access to the "200 Club". Unfortunately, when we arrived we learned that the 200 Club wasn't open yet - it would be opening Dec. 27. The guy we asked said that we could "probably" get into the Courtside Club instead. So we tried - no dice, we got turned away at the door unceremoniously. Maybe if I flashed my Chuckie Hacks press pass? Oh well.
• Good to see Jeff Foster (who Goldy also called Jeff Fischer and Greg Foster at different points during the night) running a 1-man weave in pre-game warmups. He appears to be friendless on the team. It must have worked, since Foster torched the Bucks (relatively speaking) for about 14 points.
• Random uniform watch: Ahman Green, Ron Dayne (Badgers, not Giants/Broncos/Texans) and the runaway winner, a Michael Jordan White Sox jersey. I think I saw 1 Bucks uniform with the current look - Richard Jefferson.
• Herb Kohl rocking the aforementioned slacks along with a green (ish) sport coat that I really can't describe. Definitely not any green that the Bucks have ever used, unless it used to be forest green but has faded after 23 years of dry cleaning. At one point the indoor Bango blimp stopped and hovered over the Senator, and then dropped a bunch of coupons right on top of him. That blimp got uncomfortably close to us - to the point where I probably could have stuck my hand in the plastic rotors.
• The Open Pantry is sponsoring the blimp this year - ouch. Another lead sponsor for the Bucks appears to be some energy drink (can't remember what it's called) whose slogan is "It's No Bull". The Bucks may be hurting for sponsors not only because Larry Harris ran the team into the ground but also because according to a fan demographic study about 25% of Bucks fans are unemployed. Outstanding.
• Speaking of the Open Pantry, the line of the night was uttered to a girl who appeared to work for Open Pantry and was approaching people and trying to get people to text something to a phone number (I just overheard a conversation). She was naturally wearing a mini-skirt and high heels. We walk out on the concourse just in time to hear some 40-something guy say to her "what are you, 17?" Nice.
• Somebody had a sign up for the entire game in the lower bowl, probably 8 rows up from the court that read "TJ Ford - No Bailout Tonight" or something like that. Get it? Ford? Bailout? Ha! It took Goldy and I a minute to catch on. The more pathetic thing was that these people were able to rest this sign on an entire empty row of seats in front of them for about 2 1/2 quarters until folks from the upper tank probably wandered down for better seats.
• On the subject of TJ Ford, that guy is absolutely terrified of contact these days. Not saying I blame him, but he did the following at least 10 times: beat his man off the dribble, got all the way to the rim, and then fired a pass out beyond the 3-point line to Marquis Daniels or some other scrub. Every time he did hit the deck, Goldy immediately made a neck injury joke. He did hit enough jumpers to score 25 points - that guy absolutely never had a jumper when he played for Milwaukee.
• At one point in the game, All-Time-Great Pacer Austin Croshere hit a vengeance 3 against his old team. Goldy literally leaped out of his seat in excitement. He was apparently the only one who could tell how good that felt for Austin.

So that was our night out with the Bucks. I'd highly recommend catching a game, if your dad has free tickets. By the way, the Bucks were up by 18 at halftime, pissed away that lead entirely by the 4-minute mark in the 4th quarter, then went on a 19-0 run to end the game, but Two Name will probably tell you about that tomorrow. The Pacers are, um, not good at basketball, from what I saw.

Observation

I'm not trying to make excuses or rationalize a bad season, I promise. Trust me, I'm just making an observation. Check out the teams GB has played thus far. Wow, that looks pretty solid...only 2 sub .500 teams.

Tennessee (11-1)
Carolina (9-3)
Tampa Bay (9-3)
Indy (8-4)
Atlanta (8-4)
Dallas (8-4)
Minnesota (7-5)
Minnesota (7-5)
Chicago (6-6)
New Orleans (6-6)
Seattle (2-10)
Detroit (0-12)

More Randomness

How about back-to-back random takes?

That game was a microcosm of the season. At times play awful, at times play outstanding. Play well enough to win, only to lose in the end. Why? Same old story...terrible defensive line (except Kampman) and not-so special teams (except Crosby).

Save your Favre bullshit. He doesn't stuff the run, rush the passer, or tackle guys on kickoffs. That's the problem. Save it. If you can't stop the run and can't rush the passer, you won't be any good. It's that simple. I've never seen it. Ever. At any level. Ever. Never, ever.

The more I think, the more I realize last years NFC championship game was pretty much a preview of the upcoming season: D plays OK, but just cannot get off the field. Struggle to run the ball, can't stop the run. Zero pass rush. Bad INT in clutch time. Lose close to a good team. Sound familiar?

Ted, you know I'm your biggest fan. But if you don't go out and aquire/draft some beef this off season...we're gonna have words. Off season wish list: 1) Run stuffer(s). 2) Pass rusher 3) D-Coordinator.

Great call on Kuhn, Goldy. Chuck already looked good deep in the red-zone with the TDs to Lee/Driver and the 2-pointer to Jennings. When the first run didn't work, why not spread 'em out?

Overstatement of the year goes to Gap-toothed Strahan at halftime. After looking lethargic, Strahan goes: "Where's Ryan Grant? They ran the ball like crazy last year. They have one of the best offensive lines I've ever played against. They need to run more." Um, OK.

Bye the way, last year's Championship game losers? Green Bay (5-7), San Diego (4-8).

Road teams were 10-2 yesterday. Good luck betting on this league.

Alright folks, week 12 is over. Forget the playoffs, lets just put Tennessee and the Giants in the Super Bowl. Pittsburgh, Tampa, Dallas, Carolina, Indy...you have no say in the matter. Wait, this would be a horrible idea? College Football doesn't think so.

Why does everybody outside the state of Alabama pretty much assume Florida will win? The way people talk, Bama has no chance. That's hogwash. I'm positively giddy for this game.

"Mother" was a quality song, Goldy.

Everybody knows Indiana will suck, but man...caught about 5 minutes of them vs Cornell. Friggin Cornell, and they looked like a JV squad. I think IU pulled it out though. And Crean does look tantastic!

Randomness

Oh, the Minnesota Twins. They lose Johan, lose Torii, Liriano was out for %80 of the year, add nobody of significance in the off season and IMPROVE by 7 games (with a few more left)! Now that's a great organization.

Anybody notice who's residing in the AL Central basement? The Detroit Tigers. Oops, that didn't go as planned. How does Jayson Stark's "Braves over Tigers" World Series look right about now?

I wonder what Ned's doing right now? Sitting on his couch going: "Come one, Shousie, you can do it!"

What kind of national ratings would a Tampa Bay-Milwaukee World Series get? Baseball execs (sans Selig) are cringing at this possibility.

Badgers-Michigan spread: Bucky by 6.5. Wow, don't think Wisconsin's been favored in the Big House in my lifetime. I'll go Badgers 20, Michigan 12.

How did this happen?...Vandy 4-0, Duke 2-1, and Northwestern 4-0.

Vince Young is a few months away from becoming the next Bison Dele. Of course the whole "we cant find him" saga was crazy. But first, there was the game. There were reports of Jaguar defensive players offering Young words of encouragement during that game...because he looked so distraught. Now, it comes out they were encouraging him so he wouldn't leave the game because he sucks so bad...gave the Jags a better chance to win. Wow. And, Jeff Fisher never wanted to draft him in the first place. That rumored 6 on the wonderlic sounds more believable every day.

In all seriousness: Bucs kicker Matt Bryant lost his 3 month old a couple days ago. He passed in the middle of the night. If Bryant does play Sunday and gets a chance at a game winning FG to beat Green Bay - I hope he makes it.

Not Making Friends In South Bend

Killed some free time by checking out the College Football Hall of Fame, in South Bend. That can only mean one thing...every worker is a Notre Dame fan. Thought I would entertain myself by asking a few questions.

1) It was the Friday before the Michigan game, so:

Me: "Who's gonna win tomorrow?"

HOF Worker (With ND hat on): Staring at me for about two minutes..."Who do you think?!?"

Me: "I don't know, they both blow."

HOF Worker: Head turning red....

2) They had big celebrations all weekend as Lou "Granny" Holtz was having his statue unveiled before the game. Because of that, the HOF had a bunch of guys there to sign autographs, including Rocket Ismail

Me: Turning to a different HOF worker: "You think he will sign my Toronto Argonauts helmet?"

HOF Worker: Once again, staring at me for about 3 minutes..."ONLY NOTRE DAME MEMORABILIA:"

Me: "Hee hee....OK Chief"

Ah, a little afternoon fun. It was a pretty cool museum. Highly recommended. The highlight was a big Brent Moss picture recapping the 1994 season. NCAA has to be proud of Brent Moss.

Milwaukee vs Pittsburgh: A Debate

The good people at Mondesi's House picked up on an article by former Pittsburgh-turned-Milwaukee resident, and Woz fantasy babe, Trenni Kunsierek. She touched a nerve with the Steel City folks by leaning pro-Milwaukee in the article.

The guys at Mondesi's House (former Milwaukee resident) gives a solid comparison of the two cities. Article

The bottom line:

Honestly, it is frightening how similar these two cities are. There were times when I was in Milwaukee and it actually felt like I was in Pittsburgh. Both cities are filled with friendly people with amusing accents, both are blue collar, and both are wonderful & underappreciated places to live.

Batting entrance songs

Anybody out there at the games the last two nights?

Did anyone notice that Prince Fielder's entrance song when he comes to the plate is "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson? I heard it the last two nights. WTF?

Corey Hart also had some hip hop song blasting, and I swear Mike Cameron had some sort of country/hard rock song playing instead of his usual hip hop.

Hey...that's all cool if they are trying out new stuff...but Prince Fielder blasting Marilyn Manson? I just don't see it.

As far as I'm concerned...the entire team needs to just play Ryan Braun's song ("Go Getta" by Young Jeezy) each at bat:
"You Know We Trap All Day Play All Night Dis Is Da Life Of A Go Getta (Ey) Go Getta (Ey) Go Getta (Yea)
U In Da Club U C A Bad Bitch Point Her Out (Oh) Yea U Damn Right Ima (Ey)
You Damn Right Ima Go Getta (Ey) Go Getta (Ey) Go Getta (Yea)"

Hope That Was Worth It

ESPN's ridiculous search for "Titletown, USA" ended. Your winner....Valdosta, Georgia. I'm sure it's a fine place (after all, it IS "A City without limits") for some peach cobbler, and I hear they have a sweet high school football tradition...but Valdosta?? Was Odessa, Texas busy? Valdosta does earn points for being the hometown of Sonny Shroyer. AKA, Enos of Dukes of Hazard fame!

Next up for ESPN: which city earns the right to be called Hockeytown, The Big Apple, City of Brotherly Love, and The Steel City.

Family Fun

This sounded like a really nice family event. Couldn't make it, I was curious if anybody did? Story


Waldo - Some 150 anarchists from throughout the United States and Canada descended on a strip of private land this week in this Sheboygan County village for four days of workshops, including some focused on strategizing for demonstrations at the upcoming Democratic and Republican national conventions.

Random Question

Anyone know what was up with the whole briefcase incident during the Home Run Derby on Monday? Edinson Volquez handed Josh Hamilton a black briefcase while Hamilton was blasting moon shots into the upper deck.

I know that Volquez and Hamilton were traded for one another - but what's with the briefcase?

Discontinued Olympic Sports

This is funny. I might actually tune in if they still had these:

Tug-of-war (1900-1920): Two teams of eight try to pull a rope six feet; if neither team reaches the mark after five minutes, the team that pulls the farthest wins.

Live pigeon shooting (1900): The birds were released and shooters tried to kill as many as possible.

Equestrian high jump (1900): Riders see who can jump the highest on horseback.

Welcome Back

Spent the last 17 days doing field work in Lower Michigan. Here’s what I learned about our neighbors to the north…and east.

1) Beer sales end at midnight. Advantage – me.
2) Confederate flag sales remain strong, to quite strong
3) Chris Osgood is a hall of fame goalie. I have zero idea if this is true, or just homer-speak. Hockey fans?
4) At least 87% of all drivers smoke.
5) Canada uses Celsius. I was unknowingly picking up Canadian radio stations and herd “Tonight’s high will be 37 degrees.” I kept thinking “WTF…it’s like 90 out here, no way it’s getting down to 37 tonight.” Yes, I’m an idiot.
6) Other than on interstates, road signs are optional. What’s the speed limit? You choose, apparently. How many miles to the next city? Take a guess.
7) Saginaw is known as “Truck City.” Needless to say, Saginaw is struggling.
8) Kwame Kilpatrick (Detroit’s Mayor) is more hated than Dick Weeks at a grammar convention.
9) The Detroit Lions have absolutely zero buzz in the state. Didn’t see a single Lions hat, T-Shirt, or bumper sticker and didn’t hear anyone mention them in conversation. It was sad, really. By my account, here’s the current sports pecking order in Michigan:
-Red Wings
-Tigers
-U of Michigan
-Pistons
-Michigan State
-Central Michigan
-Ludington High School Orioles
-Detroit Lions