Soccer Is Awesome

The Milwaukee Tough Guys?

A blogger did considerable research breaking down MLB injuries from 2002-2008. Impressive work, indeed. In the "Total Days Lost" category, the Brewers come in with the 4th fewest in baseball. Nice! And that's WITH Ben "Handle With Care" Sheets on the roster! The Reds far and away lead this category. Pussies.

Good work from Beyond The Box Score.

Looper - Filling Sheets' Shoes Just Fine

Looper won't pitch for 10-12 days and might start the season on the DL. Who does he think he is, Sheets Jr?

Update: In other news, Gagne has a bum shoulder. Probably from hauling his 10 gallon gas can out to the mound every other inning. Insert "now that he's off the roids" comment here.

Sheets Has a Hamstring Pull In His Forearm

Buster Olney (via MLBTraderumors.com) exchanged emails with Ben Sheets' agent Casey Close, who had this to say about Sheeter's latest injury.

"His forearm muscle [strain] was the equivalent of a hamstring pull and it simply needed time to rest. No real treatment was needed. He's fine and should be 100 percent in a month."

100% in a month? Maybe. 100% next September? Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Was Sal Fasano Involved in the Brewers Celebration Last Night?

Tom H. has checked into the rumor that JJ hurt his hand while jumping around like a little girl at home plate last night celebrating Braun's grand slam.

The Brewers response? Basically, no comment.

Tom thinks this means Hardy is actually hurt. It also could mean that Gord-o has no f'ing clue whether JJ is hurt or not, and wants to talk to JJ and the medical staff to see if there's anything to it. You know, like get the facts before talking to a reporter. What a concept.

Stay tuned. What a classic way for a Milwaukee Brewer to get hurt, if it's true.

Billups of the Week - Kenny Perry

Jesus Christ - What a freaking Sally.

"I had got some infection in there and my doctor said that I needed to let my eyes rest by keeping the contacts out," Perry said.

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...my eye hurts!!! The doctor says I can't wear contacts!!!! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Seriously, big effing deal. The guy actually withdrew after playing 1 round of the PGA Championship. Granted, he did shoot terrible, but so what? Man the F up, and go back out there today and shoot another 79. Real men take their lumps and miss the cut. Pussies and Billupi WD due to the fact that their eye hurts. It's not like playing golf is going to further damage his eye. It's not like he couldn't play.

This type of stuff bothers me somewhat. If he knew about the "injury" on Tuesday, then why did he even attempt to play? He could have sat out and another pro could have gotten into the field. He just screwed some guy out of a shot at golf's last glory.

In any event, congratulations on your Billups award Kenny. I believe it's his first.

Ben Sheets - Winner!

Our good friends at Wrigleyville ran a poll asking "Who will hit DL first," Ben Sheets or Kerry Wood? 69% of the voters said Sheets, they would be 100% wrong.

"60% of the time, it works every time."

Cubs Add Harden, Supplement Medical Budget

Chicago responded to Milwaukee's addition of CC Sabathia by trading for Rich Harden and Chad Gaudin in exchange for 4 players, 3 of whom have spent time on the Cubs 25-man roster this year. I assume Gallagher and Patterson were the keys to the deal from Oakland's perspective.

This is a calculated gamble by Chicago, which was already a good team without Harden or the 4 players that they gave up (these were bench guys for them right now). Harden can be wicked when healthy, but he's also been on the DL 6 times.

I thought this was a funny quote from Cubs GM Jim Hendry about Harden's injury history:

"Obviously there's some risk involved. He's missed some time but he's never had any surgery," Hendry said. "We did extensive work with their doctors."

Here's a reasonable guess about what Oakland's doctors said to the Cubs:

"Yeah, sure, Rich is fit as a fiddle, no problems there, I'd do the deal, you bet...."

The Brewers have a great dental plan

Wahhhhhh! My teeth hurt!

"It feels much better," said Gagné, who was allowed to go home after the bullpen session because he had two wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day.

My understanding is that Gagne has been doing nothing but playing golf and taking care of errands since his trip to the DL. What a loser.

He's done

Ben Sheets has pitched his last game for the Milwaukee Brewers.

Ok...that may be a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe it really is just "soreness." Maybe he won't miss more than "one start." Maybe he really doesn't have an "unusually large vagina."

Would you want to take a bet that he only misses one start? I sure as hell wouldn't.

But man...does he really have say stuff like this?

"If it was September, I would be out there," Sheets said. "I'm pretty sure I'm capable of pitching right now."

Really man??? Did you really just say that? September? You're gonna talk about September??? Do you have a short-term memory problem? Did you not bow out of your last 3-4 starts last September with a "hamstring injury???" Just shut your mouth Ben...and get back to the rotation ASAP ok? I don't want to hear you talk about anything else. Please.

Ben Sheets has given Brewer fans over the last 3 years more cases of blue balls than your basic high school prom queen. He teases...he looks good...he's about ready to push you over the top with excitement!...then he stops. He goes home. He's tired. He's hurt. You're resolved to chasing down one of the members of the comedy sportz team hoping she can help (ie...Dave Bush). She's into you sure...she can get the job done...but it's just not the same. You're left alone wishing what could have been.

A little behind...are we?

What's this? Deadspin links a blog who writes about Mo Williams' ridiculous injury (pubic symphysitis).

Too bad this story is a month old and I wrote about it the day after the injury report came out.

This just goes to show that politics are still alive and well in the blogging world, and that it is tough for the little guy to make his presence known. It's also yet another example of how Chuckie Hacks is your 1 stop shop for all groundbreaking WI sports news on the internets.

Or maybe I just like writing about myself. I'm not sure really. But we can all agree that it's funny that Mo Williams seriously missed a game due to pubic symphysitis.

"Hey Mo...WAHHHHHHHHH!"

Mo Williams is BILLUPS OF THE WEEK.

He has officially passed Ben Sheets on the random injury front. He now suffers from the sports disease I like to call "I'mapussyitis."

It all started innocently this afternoon when I receive an email from my buddy Two Name...telling me to immediately click on this link, and scroll down after the Bucks lineup and look at Williams' injury disclosure.

PUBIC SYMPHYSITIS.

Let me write that again.

PUBIC SYMPHYSITIS.

What is pubic symphysitis you may be asking??? Oh I'll tell you...it essentially is inflammation of the pubic symphysis.

Wha wha what the F is the pubic symphysis?

Here you go.

The pubic symphysis is the midline cartilaginous joint uniting the superior rami of the left and right pubic bones. It is located anterior to the urinary bladder and superior to the external genitalia; In males it is above the penis. In males, the suspensory ligament of the penis attaches to the pubic symphysis.

YES, some effing ligament or cartilage above Mo William's mansize is hurting him so much that he can't run up and down a basketball court. GIVE ME A BREAK. I can't do the research anymore...it makes me too upset that this loser makes more money than me. Somebody let us know if anybody in the history of the NBA has missed a game due to this injury. PLEASE.

Mo Williams: Congratulations on your first Billups of the Week win!