Thursday, November 6, 2008

FLATTEN THE VIKINGS!!!

We need help. Something bigger than a picture of the KC Wolf flattening those security guards and that moron who ran onto the field. Yup, not just the picture...but a video replay of this monumental event in Chiefs history. Why not? He moves laterally smoother than Chad Clifton, stuffs the run as good as Johnny Jolly, and sure as hell finishes tackles better than Nick Barnett.

While the Wolf is a disapointing 2-5 this year (it's the Wolf's fault, not mine), he was money in 2007. In fact, around this time last year, I (credit goes to me when correct, not the stupid Wolf) correctly picked the remaining games on the Packers schedule. No, seriously. Every one. Yes, I actually can make a correct prediction once every 6 months or so.

Do I have a good read on this year's Packers? Of course not. Finally healthy, and playing their best ball the last 3 weeks, I think I know....but then realize this is the NFL. It's completely F'ed up and opinions change every game, no - quarter:

Example #1: Indy Colts. They start out shitty and everybody panics. They shred Baltimore's defense 31-3 and all of a sudden "their getting right" and "nobody wants to play the Colts the rest of the way." What happens? They get rolled by Green Bay and Tennessee...the Colts are dead. Predictably, they then beat New England.

Example #2: the New York Giants - perhaps the best team in football. Their only loss? Got trucked by the punchless Browns on national TV.

Example #3: Carolina. Started out 3-1, went to the Bucs and lost 27-3 (and you think the Packers struggled in Tampa) to fall to 3-2. Eh. Then rip off 3 straight and are now a consensus top 5 NFL. I could go on...and on...and on.

My point?
I've watched every snap (some more fuzzy than others), and still don't know what Green Bay is. I think I know a few things: their offense can consistantly move the ball and put up points, they don't really have a "bad" loss (Even Atlanta is 5-3!) or a "great" win, the schedule is tougher than last year, some of the younger bench guys looked pretty good when filling in for starters (Trammy Williams, Aaron Rouse, Jordy Nelson), while a few old stalwarts have struggled (Tausch, Clifton, Barnett, Driver), they can't stop the run, can't run consistantly, and while Rodgers has been very good, he still makes a few "rookie" mistakes (takes sacks). What does this constitutel? 4-4. Are they good enough to rip off a 4-1 streatch somewhere along the way? Yes. Are they bad enough to lose a bunch of close ones and go 1-4? Yes.

Despite this trip through the unknown, I still have no other choice but to attempt a repeat effort of '07 and predict the rest of the road. It's my duty - no, obligation - as a Packer fan and Chuckie Hacks blogger.

@ Minnesota.
We all remember Favre getting the "Metrodome Monkey" off his back by playing great there the last few years. Did he ever. We also remember how bad he was in the beginning. But, man...I forgot it was this bad: (JSOnline)

So Rodgers heads into his first spotlight game with season-altering consequences. But it's not do-or-die. That's the situation Favre found himself in during his first visit to the Metrodome on Dec. 27, 1992.

After watching the Washington Redskins unexpectedly falter on Saturday, the Packers took to the plastic turf knowing that a victory would deliver the team's first playoff berth in 10 years.

The Packers fell, 27-7, as Favre threw three interceptions.

It would take him until his fifth game to throw a touchdown pass there. By that time Favre had been knocked out of more games (two in '94 and '95) in the Metrodome than he had 200-yard games (zero).

We can't have this, Chuck! Pawsitive is perfect in his career vs Minnesota. And last I checked, Brad Childress still coaches the Vikes. Win.

Chicago. Sticking with coaches, Lovie lovie's to play Green Bay. Lance Briggs picks up a lame fumble for a TD. Loss

@ New Orleans. One of those "dangerous" teams who look really good on paper (especially after beating Kansas City like 44-9 the week before) and everyone around the office says: "no way we win, the Saints are going to the Super Bowl." Woody with a pick-6. Win

Carolina. Pretty much Tennessee-lite. Jake Delhomme snaps his arm inbetween Justin Harrell's rolls. Packers win on 8 Crosby field goals.

Houston.
The Green Bay train is moving after a healthy string of solid performances...and, hey, look...finally a breather against a weak team out of playoff contention! Win, right? Remember class, this is the NFL. Loss

@ Jacksonville. Did David Garrard really get that much money? Win

@ Chicago. Repeat of last year only with snow. Jermichael Finley drops 3 passes - blames it on Rodgers and Mother Nature. "Damn you, altostratus clouds!" Loss

Detroit. Every Packer fan in the world bows down to the Football Gods and thank them for scheduling a home game with Detroit with the division in the balance. Win

There it is: 9-7, NFC North Division Champs

3 comments:

birdhas said...

Mr. Obvious says: The Pack losing to the Bears twice and winning the division at 9-7 means the Bears only win once in all games not against the Pack the rest of the way. I would take action at 90:1 odds on this scenario not happening.

AP said...

I hope you're right on that New Orleans game, I'll be in the stands for that one. That would be a pretty cool trip if it ends with a CW Pick6.

(They're going to win at least 1 VS Chicago)

Matt said...

Have fun in NO AP, I was there the last time the Packers played a regular season game in the Big Easy (I think).

The highlight of the game for me was actually after it was over. As we were walking out of the stadium, we saw a sweet fight between two "women" (I'll use that term loosely), one a NO fan and the other a Packers fan. I'm not sure what precipitated it, but let's just say the NO fan (size of a corner) got a running start and barrelled over the GB fan (size of a fullback, or perhaps a center) with fists flying. Not slaps, not nails, but fists.

We stood around and cheered, until the NO girl's husband or boyfriend dragged the girl off of the Packer fan. We booed.

So, keep your head on a swivel on the way out of the Superdome. What a dump, by the way. It's like they put a roof on Wrigley Field, except with no ivy.