Monday, December 8, 2008

Sarigan Little Debbie Power Rankings

While watching my kid struggle to decide which Little Debbie snack cake to choose at a gas station...I thought, "Damn, this is a tough choice. Almost impossible for a 3 year old." Don't fret, I've got the hierarchy all figured out.

Honorable Mention: Peanut Butter Crunch Bars, Zebra Cakes, Donut Sticks

Most Overrated: Swiss Cake Rolls
It's too much, man. Just too rich. They're like corn dogs - after about 3 bites, the law of diminishing returns kicks in quickly. They come packaged two per pack. That's absurd. Finishing one is a hard enough, but two? That's the Bataan Death March of snack cakes.

5) Honey Buns (non-iced)
No timeframe on these bad boys. It's a cinnamon roll, right? That's a green light to pound these before 8:00. Take that, Nutty Bar!

4) Star Crunch
HIGHLY underrated. The Edgar Martinez of Little Debbies. While others get more pub, these beauties fly waaaaay under the radar. Seriously, try one. You won't be disappointed.

3) Devil Squares
Don't confuse these with Swiss Cake Rolls. More cake, less cream. The thin chocolate coating allows for easy eating while driving. Plus, they're the closet thing to Ding Dongs that LD makes. Ding Dongs are good.

2) Oatmeal Cream Pie
Whaaat? Oh yeah! So deliciously simple. Two oatmeal (these are healthy, right? Oatmeal is involved) patties with cream filling. And it's good cream, not that crap they squeeze inside Twinkies. It's like a sandwich. Yeah, Oatmeal Cream Pies - The Arby's of Snake Cakes. I remember in grade school these things were only 15 cents in the cafeteria. One day, me and Chad Schenvolght took our $1.50 lunch money and bough 10 OCP's instead of an actual meal. Felt like garbage for the next 72 hours. YET, I still love 'em.

1) Nutty Bar
Yeah, like there was any other choice. Peanut butter. Check. Chocolate. Check. Wafer. Check. All combine into two bars of goodness. Plus, they're versitile! Eat like a candy bar. Eat one wafer at a time. Eat one, and save the other for later. This is your snack cake, YOU decide.


woziszeus said...

Nutty Bars are supreme.

lofty said...

No doubt about the nutty bars. Swiss cake rolls have to be above star crunches though...come on. You can peel the chocolote off and unroll them....good shit. Also good this time of year are the various holiday cakes.

AP said...

Which one did the kid pick?

Nutty Bars, Star Crunch, Donut Stix are my #'s 1-3.

Nutty Bars could come in packages of 5 bars and 1 package would still be 1 serving.

brad said...

He pulled a curveball and went with the Grandma's Chocolate chip cookies. Also solid.

Anonymous said...

Star Crunch are good if you like the roof of your mouth to be tore up - kind of like Capt. Crunch.

Anonymous said...

zebra cakes are the bert blylven of little debbie. they are always good but not great, and they never expire

Charlie Marlow said...

I'm sorry dude. But to place Nutty Bars above Oatmeal Cream Pies, let alone #1, is terrible journalism.

And, for the record, Cheetoh's Cheese Puffs > Crunchy Cheetoh's.

Stigs said...

this is good stuff. i disagree with your rankings, but to each his own.

3. Nutty Bars
2. Oatmeal Cream Pie
1. Star Crunch

Anonymous said...

How is the Fudge Round left completely off the list?

Goldy said...

Where do Zingers fit in? Who the heck makes Zingers?

BEH2 said...

The three best seasonal Little Debbies are:

3. Pumpkin Delights (for Halloween)
2. Easter Basket Cakes (Chocolate)
1. Cherry Cordials (Christmas and Valentine's Day)

While ALL Little Debbies are great, these are three kinds I look forward to in different seasons throughout the year!

Dan said...

I can't believe Swiss Cake Rolls are DQ'd right out of the gates. Crazy talk.

Anonymous said...

I want to know why BEH2 knows the names of each seasonal little debbie. That's just plain weird.

Anonymous said...

Nothing beats a Vanilla Christmas Tree Cake this time of year.....