Thursday, November 20, 2008

Book Report - Part II

Cliff Note highlights Part II of Boys Will Be Boys by Jeff Pearlman. Part I

Charles Haley is legitimately crazy. No, really, he's crazy. Some days he took his meds, most days he didn’t. Let's just say he really, really likes his Johnson. In San Francisco, he'd drop his pants, stick it in Montana's or Rice's face and say "Come on...suck it! You know you want to." Also in San Fran, he go into an argument with Tim Harris (yes, that Tim Harris), ran outside, cut a hole in Harris' convertible Porsche's roof, and pissed all over the inside. The final straw with the 49ers was when a position coach told him to shut up during a meeting. Haley left, came back and threw a toilet paper wad full of shit at the guy! No joke! NOBODY wanted Haley. The Cowboys got him for a roll of athletic tape. In Dallas, he would often pleasure himself during team meetings to the point of...well...you know. My favorite might have taken place at a Randy White restaurant. White had a custom Harley Davidson inside the place as a showpiece. Haley fired that thing up and started driving around - INSIDE the eatery. Randy White - a former bad ass DE for the Cowboys in the 70s - grabbed Haley and punched him out cold.

The random acts of sex, drugs, and strip clubs are pretty much indescribable.

Alvin Harper was so obnoxious, he was actually banned from the teams favorite strip club. Understand, the Cowboys basically ruled Dallas...they ran the town (even balding kicker Lin Elliott pulled serious, serious tail). So to get banned from anywhere, let alone a titty joint, was almost impossible. Oh, and the DBs held positional meetings at this place. Seriously, actual position meetings were held at strip clubs.

The downfall started with Jimmy Johnson leaving. Jerry Jones thought anybody could coach this team to a title (Barry Switzer actually proved this...he was a college wishbone coach for God's sake), and thought the draft was easy, so he took over. Yes, Jerry Jones took over the Cowboys drafts - with disastrous results. Darrin Woodson would show up at training camp and just laugh at all the no-talents Jones drafted.

Not only that, Jones had zero idea how to run a salary cap. One year, when the cap was at $40 million, he only had 35 players signed - at a price of $39 million! They were screwed.

Of course, that didn't stop him from signing Deon Sanders, who was the dysfunctional dollop on this bizarre banana split. He would show up at meetings with a pillow and a blanket and say "Just give me a guy to cover, and you'all figure out that zone or cover-2 or whatever you want to run." Then he'd fall asleep. Deon, not Switzer, made the practice schedule. Yup, Prime would see an 7:30 practice time, call Jerry and say "No, 7:30 won't work for me. How about 9:00?" Sure shit. Jerry would phone Switzer, and the next days practice would start at 9:00. Deon's lack of tackling was almost as legendary as his coverage skills. During one film study, the entire defense was laughing at Deon as he just fell down as a RB was charging towards him. He responded (in all seriousness) with: "The guy was coming at me, and I had to make a business decision." Awesome!

Not only was Switzer a clueless coach and didn't hold anybody accountable, he (and Jerry Jones) partied almost as hard as the players. He often came to 10 AM practices smelling like Jack Daniels and blood shot eyes. At this point, the inmates were running the asylum with a coach who couldn't do anything about it - he was one of them.

Good Times

3 comments:

woziszeus said...

It would appear I have to read this book...

Goldy said...

Yah, I was going to purchase it prior to my trip last week to read on the plane but never got around to it. Sounds like I will have to get around to reading this thing. Crazy stuff.

Anonymous said...

Charles Haley put his cack in Golden Joe's face, and told Jerry Rice to suck it? Wow. Is this book on Oprah's list?