It's time to trade Prince Fielder! It really is! Right now we can get a lot of value for him! Maybe a starting pitcher! He's having a disappointing year! No way is he going to hit 50 home runs again! He topped out last year!
Wait? What are you saying? Oh please...don't talk to me about stats. Fine...you want to look at them...ok.
So what if he is LEADING the team in BA? So what if he is LEADING the team in OBP? So what that he is 2nd in home runs and in slugging percentage? So freaking what that he has the NUMBER 1 offensive VORP on the team? Or the highest EQA? So what?
Trade him for more prospects. Maybe a double A 20 year old pitcher with potential. It's what we do as the Brewers. It's obvious that Prince wants to leave after this year...he hates his contract! We can't pay him. What's that you say? Ohhhh...we own him for 3 more years after this one? Really? Oh well...I say trade him anyway.
Look at his breasts! He's got bitch tits! Do you think a guy like that can play 10 years down the road? Come on! Let's trade him for another guy that looks like Gabe Kapler! Have you seen pictures of Gabe with his shirt off? He's hot! What's that? You're looking to win now with him at the height of his career and then maybe dump in off a few years down the road? Screw that! I hear he sucks in the clubhouse! I hear he's not vocal! He's not a team player!
Trade him! We've got two guys in Double A that are tearing the shit out of the ball! Plus they're white guys (wink wink nudge nudge)! We don't need Prince! What's that? Yeah I know Double A is not the same as the majors, but these guys are hitting bombs! What? Prince is hitting bombs too? F that! He hasn't passed Braun yet! Ryan Braun is awesome! He signed a long-term contract!
Wait...those two guys in the minors...can they play RF or 3B? They can? Oh...well I SUPPOSE next year after they play a full year in double A and then the Arizona Fall League they can be given opportunities to win the starting jobs and RF and 3B...I suppose we can do that. We can trade Bill Hall or Rickie Weeks I suppose to make room for them. Corey Hart could probably play center field I suppose. I suppose in 2009 we could have Braun, Hart, & LaPorta in the OF and Gamel & Prince in the infield. I suppose.
But screw it. Trade Prince now. Trade his jiggly breasts. We're only 2 games out of the wild card and 7 games over. We need a pitcher. Trade him.