Who The F_ck Is Oral Roberts?

Championship Week. Just a primer for the big dogg...the NCAA Tourney. The early part of the week is just killing time with the small conference tourneys you've never herd. Don't even know where these schools are on a map, let Chuckie Hacks help.

- Belmont (25-9), Atlantic Sun. The Bruins (There are bears in Tennessee?), both Atlantic Sun regular season and tournament champions, are located in Nashville, TN. They housed those tricky Dolphins of Jacksonville University (Famous Alumnus: Artis Gilmore, Dee Brown) 79-61 in that thrilling A-Sun championship game, making their third straight trip to the dance. Their team consists of a bunch of guys. On to the school. I'm petitioning to rename their nickname to Cowboys as the following country music stars call Belmont their alma matter: Minnie Pearl (of Hee Haw fame), Trisha Yearwood, Brad Paisley, and Lee Ann "Tony" Womack. That's a proverbial music factory for just over 4,500 students. The most impressive listed alum is "NHL enforcer Stu Grimson." How the F#ck did Stu Grimson go to a small, private school in Tennessee without a hockey team and end up in the NHL? Anyway, good luck Bruins...have fun with Kansas in the first round. Upset Chances: The same chances of me winning a singing contest vs Brad Paisley...bad.

- Sienna (22-10), MAAC. Quick, where is Sienna located and what's their nickname? Don't even act like you know. They are the Saints located in Lourdonville, New York...2 miles from Albany. You think Belmont was small, Sienna has a grand total of 2,900 undergrads. There are high schools in Wisconsin bigger than that. Oh, but were they built on a former asparagus farm? I don't think so! The Saints actually have a really good win under their belt beating Stanford (sans the good Lopez) in some shitty tournament early in the year. Also, the MAAAAC has produced a few pesky NCAA teams recently in Manhattan, Iona, and Niagara. Sienna beat the Rider Lawnmowers in the MAAAAAAAAAC title game. Upset Chances: Not good.

- Davidson (26-6), Southern Conference. The Wildcats can play some ball. Sure, they rolled a bunch of cream puffs in conference play, but held their own against some damn good competition. Lost to North Carolina by 4, Duke by 5, UCLA by 12, and NC State by 1. That's nothing to sneeze at, I mean, it's Davidson. Everybody knows they have Dell Curry's kid, Stephen. That's all you need to know. This kid can shoot, and shoot often. Plus, these kids are smart. Davidson, aka "The Princeton of the south," has produced a number of Governors, Congressmen, Pulitzer Prize winners, and even a President...Woody Wilson. That all adds up to...Upset Chances: Good, real good. I see them scoring that annual 12-5 upset in their future.

- Oral Roberts (23-8), Summit. Other than a tasty beer from St. Paul, I had no idea what a Summit was. I guess it's also a D1 Hoops conference. Located in Tulsa, Oral (hee, hee) has had a few good squads over the years. They actually made the Great 8 in 1974. Oral doesn't really have a good win this year but did hang tough at Texas, losing in the final minutes. They got the auto bid by beating IUPUI (WTF???) in the Summit finals. Their leading scorer has only started 3 games, which is odd. Famous NBA alumni? Try former Buck Haywood Workman, who was pretty awful. To answer the question: Who was Oral Roberts? He was a Christian televangelist. Yup, they named a school after a televangelist. Upset Chances: Slim and none, and slim just left the building.

- Butler (29-3), Horizon. Butler (located in Indy) isn't an unknown, rather the best of the "little guys." The impressive wins are not there (Ohio State, anyone?), but they return pretty much the entire team from last years Sweet 16 squad which lost to Florida...limiting the Gators to their lowest point total of the tournament. That's impressive. As for the school, they play in Hinkle fieldhouse. The same barn where "Hoosiers" was filmed and where that actual game (Milan over Muncie Central) was played. Who can forget Jimmy Chipwood doing his best Bobby Plump impersonation..."Coach....I'll make it." Upset Chances: Well, they might not be a lower seed until the Sweet 16. I say they win one and done.

Will this help you with your brackets? Hell, no. BUT, when you drop enough knowledge to convince your office secretary to pick Sienna in the Final Four...you can thank ME.