Breakdown Of The BIG Game!

Columbus @ Lake Mills baby! Big fan of cheering on the local high school boys. It’s a wholesome night of entertainment bringing the community together, which is good. Hadn’t been to one in a while so I thought it would be a good time for me to bring Junior (2.5 years old) to his first buckets game. Besides, when Lake Mills matches up with Columbus, good things are sure to happen…no, no…are expected to happen. Especially when C-Bus is 0-17. A big f#cking donut hole for 17. LM is 9-7, not too shabby considering their best players are Sophomores and a Freshman…at least that’s what the locals are saying.

We walk in right during the National Anthem - not awkward at all. Little did I know, we sat down right in the midst of the Columbus section. That’s fine, we had seats that Jack Nicholson would die for. Take THAT, Joker.

First Quarter
- BNNNNNNNNNNNN – horn sounds, we are ready for the tip.
- Lake Mills controls and runs an alley oop to the Frosh – layup. He’s not bad. Goes about 6-4, with a little meat on him.
- Every single time I attend a public event, I end up sitting next to the biggest, fattest, most foul smelling guy in the building. That streak continues. Some old dude who looks like Jerry Garcia’s Grandpa.
- C-Bus with an early lead, 11-3. I’m guessing this is the biggest lead they’ve had all season.
- Vrooomp! An errant pass comes within inches of my grill. Junior finds this amusing.
- The Frosh pins back to back layups on the glass. Wow! His new name is “Chise,” as in “The Franchise.”

Second Quarter
- The PG (#3) for Lake Mills is hitting bombs, only a Soph. He’s got a last name with some meaning as his old man and uncle are local legends around here, for whatever that’s worth. His uncle is a really good guy (used to live across the street) and really was quite the athlete….he won the 1997 NCAA decathlon championship at Wisconsin. That's impressive.
- While looking up at the conference banners around the gym I spot New Glarus’ nickname: the “Glarner Nights.” Ummm…OK. I think “Spotted Cows” would be more apropos.
- LM battles back and the C-Bus faithful is getting restless. The Cards just plain suck. They’re dying a slow death, no chance they win. Their offense was based on trying to make backdoor passes for layups. This worked about 4 of 68 times.

Halftime – Tie Game
- At this point, Junior is clamoring for a root beer. WTF, like we’re at A & W or something.?? Well, the concession stands are closed (no school today) so I step into the cafeteria. Figure there has to be a vending machine somewhere. Yup, 3 of them. What? Where’s the Coke, Pepsi, or 7-Up? Nope, those are all replaced with Milk, Sobe, or Juice machines. Hmmm...are kids that fat these days?

Third Quarter
- LM starts to take over with “’Chise” asserting himself. He’s not as good as he thinks he is, but he’s pretty darn good for a Frosh. He even had one spin move that was so smooth the refs called a travel….he’s too high and too fast for them. Probably some Yokels from Waterloo or something.
- Speaking of the refs, they are obviously the reason Columbus is losing this game…if you listen to their fans. Someone’s Mom (no, not a MILF) didn’t really know anything about basketball, and it was obvious. Of course, when someone goes to the hole and gets hammered, that’s a foul. Unless said player takes 7 steps without dribbling right before the foul. The travel negates the hammer. She disagreed and loudly clapped and yelled “GREAT CALL” during complete silence. Class.
- Sniff, sniff. Uh-oh. I think Junior just soiled himself. Ah-ha, not to worry…I brought the correct cleaning equipment. I lift him up and smell his ass…nothing. Hmm. It still twinges on me for a minute….until I notice the dirty hippy Stinky McStinkstien has stripped down to a formerly white T-Shirt. He should be ejected.
- Lake Mills rolling.

Fourth Quarter
- #3 for LM is controlling the game.
- Anytime I see somebody make a play for C-Bus, I check the roster. Yep, every time it’s a Senior. Here’s betting they suck next year too.
- Another good player (Only a Soph, #40) for LM is just like someone you grew up with. Come on, you know him. The guy who was able to sport a full grown beard in the seventh grade. You know, the kid who already had old man strength before you even knew how to hold a razor. This kid was wide, thick, strong, and had a 5:00 shadow. Good times.
- It’s all over but the crying now as the benches empty and Columbus will fall to 0-18! LM is now 10-7 and looking to make some noise come tourney time. 55-40, or something like that.

All in all, a banner night. The local boys did good, Junior didn’t throw matchbox trucks on the court, and nobody challenged the ref to square off after the game. Small town high school sports fever, CATCH IT!!