Thursday, January 10, 2008

FLATTEN THE SEAHAWKS!!


Well gang, the preseason is over. Big time football is here. There's a party at Curly's house and the Seagulls, Packers and 75,000 over-served Wisconsinites are invited. The KC Wolf is back out of retirement after last using it for the Dallas game. How about a little reverse-superstition. I've herd every prediction in the book, from "Green Bay will roll 28-7" to "Seattle will win, book it" and everything in between. BUCKLE UP, here's what's gonna happen:

- Green Bay starts with a quick 3 and out with Capt Rocketball almost throwing an interception (hits Lofa Tatupu in the hands) on 3rd and 9 leading every Packer fan in the country to say "Oh sh!t, this is gonna be a looooong day." Jason Spitz gets blown up like a M-80 with a quick wick.
- Seattle's offense shows little in the first quarter but kicks a short field goal after a Ryan Grant fumble. This leads Tony Siragusa to say how Josh Brown is a snoosy for wearing battery operated Long Johns. Yes, we get the Kenny Alberts/Moose Johnson crew, which is fine except that means the Human Trash Heap Siragusa will also be there. How many times will he reference: beer, bratwurst, or cheeseheads? The over/under is set at 6.5.
- Shaun Alexander takes the handoff, then promply falls down when a defender breathes on him. Repeat this 16 more times throughout the game.
- Jennings gets some serious YAC on a quick slant making it 10-7 Seattle at half. Tauscher and Clifton are keeping Favre clean. The running game is stagnant.
- Halftime: to the delight of nobody, the St Norberts cheerleading squad makes a six person human pyramid. Weeeee!

Halftime
- Here's when Mr Halftime Adjustment McCarthey goes to work. The 3rd quarter starts with Grant gashing 8 and 9 yard gains. Korey Hall is blocking like Anthony Munoz.
- Donald Lee starts to get involved. And Koren Robinson is the unsung player of the game. He only ends up with 3 or4 catches but one goes for a big gain and the others are 9 yarders on 3rd and 8s.
- Hasselbeck starts getting hasseled as Corey Williams provides pressure up the middle. AJ Hawk even makes a big play with a forced fumble.
- Packers are now up 23-13...until....Clifton slips, Kearny tee's off on Favre and Seattle returns the fumble to the 12. Touchdown by whoever Al Harris is covering. 23-20.
- It's the 4th quarter and the teams are trading punts.
- The "We want the ball, and we're gonna score" quote is replayed for the 21st time.
- 3:12 left...need to eat clock now.....wait.....BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE...Ulysses Grant busts one of his patented 42 yard sprints up the middle to put it in the bank!!
- Postgame, Favre runs up to The Walrus and yells "PUT 'ER IN THE 'OL VICE!!"

Final Score: Green Bay 30, Seattle 20

9 comments:

AP said...

"Ulysses Grant busts one of his patented 42 yard sprints up the middle"

DAGGER.....!

Beat the C-Hox!

Goldy said...

That run will continue the "Ryan Grant Run to Canton" campaign. Glad to see the Wolf back. Over/Under on Nugget Alerts: 4

Travis said...

Brad that was some of your best material yet!

Anonymous said...

mt personal favorite is when the packers go up 24-13, then after a packer fumble, seattle scores, making the lead 23-20. I know being a geographer sucks, but i had no idea that in the NFL you get 1 point taken away for allowing a score. Guess I'd better watch closer.

The Editor said...

The correction has been made.

Htiek said...

Did anyone catch the Packers V 49ers on ESPN's Greatest games last night. Similar game path but with tough ending.

It was great to see The Walrus and Andy Reid both weighed about a combined 2 bills less than their current fighting weight.

Anonymous said...

Seattle 27, GB 21

Matt said...

The playoffs is when a team's weaknesses get exposed. I'm interested to see if the Packers' safeties and guards can hold up...initially I was screaming for a Seattle victory but now I think it's going to be a close win for GB. Mostly because the Seattle kicker has told us that he is wearing battery-powered underwear for the game. Clearly the cold weather is already in their heads...

Brad said...

Matt, I hope you are right and Seattle's biggest weakness holds true: thier inability to play good on the road.