Monday, June 18, 2007

High/Low-lights from Cinci/Cleveland Roadie

I Couldn’t keep up with Hanner’s eating log. Let’s just say he arrived at my house with a bag of McDonalds in hand…a big bag. His weekend intake was fairly weak for his standards. He did step up his game at a Waffle House in Toledo and polished off two full plates of assorted fair. Jeremy had a big bowl of chili. That was bad for us on the ride home.

Indiana sucks. It’s home of Richard Gatling (of machine gun fame), the city of Gary, and the headquarters of the KKK. Impressive. It’s dubbed “The Crossroads of America.” Too bad their crossroads have pot holes the size of Jenks’ strike zone, and you don’t see sh!t driving on them. There is NOTHING to look at. No hills, valleys, trees…nothing. It’s basically Kansas. Why Johnny Mellencamp has such a boner for the Hoosier state is beyond me.

On to Ohio. Seven United States presidents were born in Ohio. They are: Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William H. Taft, and Warren G. Harding. Other than Grant, could you pick a group of more useless presidents? Millard Fillmore think's this group is lame.

If anyone happens to find a cell phone on the Ohio Turnpike about 20 miles east of Toledo, please give it to Hanner.

Cincinnati was an enigma. There were bums begging for money about every 15 feet. I did contribute to one guy who’s sign said: “I’m not gonna lie, I need to buy a beer.” That was funny. I hope he had a great Friday night. Speaking of Friday night, the nightlife in Cinci was nonexistent. Because of a smoking ban, everyone told us the place to go was across the bridge. With a “WTF, Kentucky is across the bridge” look on our faces, we decided to make the trek. Wow. Talk about not what you expected. There was a string of bars, clubs, and restaurants’ stretching for blocks. And they were all packed. They all had waiting lines, cover charges, dress codes, and a ridiculous amount of hot chicks. The eye candy was flowing. Again, this is Kentucky!! Not Louisville. Not Lexington. But Newton, Kentucky?? In sheer numbers, we figured State Street in Madison has the most impressive collection of hot chicks in the entire state of Wisconsin. This place was at least twice as good. Who knew? I got drunk.

The top 2 Jeremy quotes from the weekend:
1) Asking a beer vendor in Cinci, who was obviously of Eastern European decent: “So…how are things in Serbia these days?”
2) The toll road in Indiana had exits seemingly every 100 miles. We were hungry, had to pee and wanted to stop. (While punching the steering wheel) “Don’t they have any f#cking exits in this sh!tty state???”

Ballpark Reviews to come. We all came to one general conclusion….the more parks we visit; the less we like Miller Park.


woziszeus said...

Excellent post Brad, keeping a running diary of weekend trips is a sure must-read everytime...

ap said...

I drove through Indiana once and it was a small miracle that I didn't kill myself from the boredom. Seriously, you get excited just to see a road sign because it breaks the monotony of "nothing" that is the Indiana landscape.

matt said...

I got a flat tire in South Bend one time. In a snowstorm. That incident checks in at number 9,343 of reasons why I hate Notre Dame.