Monday, July 6, 2009

Ranking the Brewers - Badass Edition

With Ryan Braun's public tongue-lashing of poor Seth McClung and Mike Burns, it got me to thinking - Seth McClung is probably one of the last guys on Milwaukee's 25-man roster that I'd go after if I were going to pick on someone. Not that I'd pick on any of them. I wouldn't. Because I'm quite small.

In any event, here's my top 5 Brewers as far as guys I wouldn't pick on if I were a normal or above-normal-sized man with a propensity for fisticuffs:

5. Chris Smith. Something about that man screams "I have a knife stashed on my person somewhere and I have used it to filet much larger people than you." I don't know what it is, but I'm wary.

4. Casey McGehee. I can only assume that McGehee has the capability of pounding 14 beers and then pounding your face into a pool table. Or training table. Or card table. Really, any old table.

3. Seth McClung. This wookie would do some damage if angry. 6 feet 7 inches of red rage. Braun is probably watching his back tonight.

2. Jason Kendall. He would break your arm and then whip you with it. I don't care if he's 85 years old, he'll still be able to beat the crap out of you because he feels no pain. It's fact.

1. Prince Fielder. Just look what he did to poor Parra. His brain is still broken and it's been a year.


While I was at it I thought I'd throw out the top 3 guys on the Brewers 25-man roster who I might pick on (again, assuming the normal/above-normal size and whatnot):

23. Mat Gamel. I'm willing to bet he'd forget we were in a fight or otherwise lose interest within a minute or two. Or he'd show up late.

24. Craig Counsell. He's just too nice a guy to get into a physical altercation. Though he is gritty.

25. Bill Hall. Can't hit righties. Heyoooo! I'm here all week.


Anonymous said...

I want to see Braun vs Melvin. Doug gouges out Brauns huge eyes and Braun rips off Melvin's 'stache.

Billy Ocean said...

When the going gets tough the tough get going.

brad said...

Great post, Matty. Hart would be in Gamel's category, just sort of forget what's going on.

I see the Reds pitched well today.

Matt said...

Yes - I know that nobody likes to hear about my fantasy baseball team, but I don't care. Johnny Cueto pitched pretty well for me last night. My club currently sports a team ERA of 121.5 for the week, so I've got that going for me. I'm probably not winning that category this week.

AP said...

On the bright side Matt, he did add a 12.00 WHIP for you too, so there's that.

/don't know if you use that catagory
//likes any opportunity to talk fantasy baseball