Monday, January 26, 2009


I must admit, anything more complex than OPS and WHIP…K-bye, I’m not interested. Oh, I understand their usefulness - to a point. This rant goes out to VORP. VORP is everywhere, a new age OBP. I know what it means – Value Over Replacement Player – but can’t understand it in practice. Why is this “replacement player” a fictions Joe Schmoe used in everybody’s VORP calculation? Don’t some teams have better substitute players at certain positions than others? How about two years ago when the Crew started the year with Counsinino at third base? His replacement (Ryan Braun) was an infinitely better option. Does Counsinino have a negative VORP? No, because all “replacement players” are equal according to the formula. Makes no sense. My calculations come to the conclusion that VORP is a big pile of stank.

Yet, I did throw a few numbers together and create some new statistics for the Brewers. We might have to keep track of these.

RIBBS (Ryan Is Banging Busty Sluts) – Number of hot chicks Braun destroys in a 162 game season. Use a multiplier of 1.25 after hitting a game-winning bomb….the quality of poon increases. Use a multiplier of 6.29 if he’s out with this hat. 2009 Projection: Infinity

WHOPPER (When Has Overweight Prince Practiced Eating Restraint) – As a percentage of total meals. Career Number: %0.000. 2009 Projection: %0.001 – I predict he'll accidently drink a diet Coke, confusing it with liquid chocolate.

NYPPI (Ned Yost Postgame Press Interview) – Percent of interviews that Yosted sounds like a condescending asshole. 2009 Projection: ZERO, HE'S GONE!!!
TAPS (Take A Pitch, Stupid) – Most of the team scores well in this category, but it’s originally created for Corkey Hart. Percent of bad pitches the Brewers watch, rather than swing at. 2009 Projections: Brewers: Lower than the league average. Hart: Death Valley-low.

OUCH (OUts Caught Hurt) – Number of innings caught by our Curious George-looking catcher. 2009 Projection: Every damn one.

ASSS (Average Shitty Starts from Suppan) – Percentage of starts from Jeff Suppan that are considered shitty. Career Number: %50. Last month of 2008: %100. 2009 Projection: %62

UMPH (Untimely Miles Per Hour) – In MPH, the speed of a Trevor Hoffman changeup which is guessed correctly by opposing batter and moosed into Bernie’s Terrace. 2009 Projection: Hopefully this stat isn’t used.


Anonymous said...

Bravo sir, bravo.

wrigleyville23 said...

you forgot the TOOTBLAN.

mgd mike said...


ClownShipLollypop said...

This is one your better maps.


Not so anonymous Jake said...

Chuckie Carr scoffs at your TAPS statistic!

moe said...

Craig's VORP in 2007 was -7.3... not so great.

You're about two years too late on the complaining-about-VORP bandwagon. It's been done. Many times. By a lot of ignorant people.

Sabr-metrics are here to stay. Either embrace it, or be characterized as "Old Man Yells At Cloud".

R. Jaybels said...

You have forever changed the way I look at baseball. And I thank you.

garcia said...

Hey, You guys complaining about the BCS... That's so 2007... get with the times and stop yelling at the cloud (title taken from the simpsons, not moe).

Krey said...

I initially thought that was a woz post until I saw your name on it. nonetheless, that was quite clever, I had a good chuckle at some of those.

Matt said...

My VORB (Value Over Replacement Blogger) has been in the negatives for 2 years now, just like Bill Hall's VORP. Good thing I'm on a 4-year deal like Billy.

Tim said...

These are great, and lots of fun to try at home:

Number Of Seats Habitated Once Weekly. Can be indicated as a fraction or real number. Indicates the number of seats empty most of the time after the All-Star break because lack of starting pitching failed to carry a winning record into the month of July.
2009 Projection Afraid to think about it.

Goldy said...

I am pretty sure my VORB in negative. My one post every other week just isn't cuttign it. I feel like Mike Rivera.

Anonymous said...

not even saber people like VORP any more

fangraph's win values are much better