The Real WIAA Predictions

Obviously I have no clue about the teams, players or coaches in the WIAA state tournament. Thus, I’m picking the games based which school’s mascots would win in an actual brawl…cage match style. If we took each mascot (by division) and had them fight to the death, the winner will be my predicted state champ. It’s so easy when you break things down scientifically!

Division 1
Brookfield Central Lancers
Kimberly Papermakers
Madison Memorial Spartans
Milwaukee King Generals
Milwaukee Vincent Vikings
Oshkosh West Wildcats
Verona Wildcats
Wausau East Lumberjacks

You won’t win any fights trying to give guys paper cuts (Kimberly). The two Wildcats are a push as they would fight each other to their deaths. Vincent is out because when I think of Vikings, I think of that big, fat Minnesota Vikings fan who blows that stupid horn all game. He’d be out of breath in about 19 seconds. The Lancers would out-duel the Spartans with their outstanding jousting abilities. So let’s look at the remaining weaponry. East’s Lumberjacks have chainsaws (impressive) and the Lancers have that long sword type thing, but let’s face it, Generals have guns….especially if they go to school at Milwaukee King.

Predicted Winner: Milwaukee King Generals.

Division 2
Monroe Cheesemakers
Port Washington Pirates
Seymour Thunder
Wisconsin Dells Chiefs

Thunder sounds tough until you realize that its lightning that actually causes damage. Thunder is merely the noise lightning makes. As for Monroe, if wheels of cheese are your main weapon of choice…good luck. That leaves the Pirates and Chiefs. A close call. Both come with similar armament. As much as I’d like to take PW, the Pirates’ eye patch hinders its full fighting capabilities. Advantage, Dells.

Predicted Winner: Wisconsin Dells Chiefs


Division 3 (a.k.a. Bible Thumper division)
Eau Claire Regis Ramblers
LaCrosse Aquinas Blugolds
Manitowoc Roncalli Jets
Racine St Catherine’s Angles

This is a no-brainer. St Cat’s has a higher power on its side. What’s a Rambler anyway? And Blugolds...not sure how two colors would fair in a fight.

Predicted Winner: Racine St Catherine’s Angles

Division 4
Eleva-Strum Cardinals
Gilman Pirates
Randolph Rockets
Suring Eagles

The Rockets look like the obvious choice. But a rocket is no good just sitting there…it needs human interaction to work. Thus, Gilman takes the gold ball by shooting the Eagles and Cardinals using said Rockets.

Predicted Winner: Gilman Pirates