Chuckie Hacks

Willis Salutes the 2011 NL Central Champs

2011-09-27T10:35:00.002-05:00

It Was a Great Run

2009-07-14T21:01:00.011-05:00

Yep, all good things must come to an end. Done. Finished. Over. Not a Favre-esque retirement, either. Our busy lives have allowed us only a half-assed effort for some time now. That’s no way to treat the best Wisconsin Sports Blog on the Interweb. Thus, we’re shuttin’ ‘er down.

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read/commented our garbage over the years. Especially Anonymous, that guy is awesome. We reached 400,000 hits, which is 380,000 more than I thought we would ever get. Thanks.

While we enjoy the ~~Albert Pujols Lovefest~~ All Star game, a retrospective celebrating CH is in order. Here’s some of our best/worst work since Day 1. I’ll now enter third person mode from here on out.

2007

Brad has an email read by Czaban on Bob and Brian. It was obvious at least 3 more people wanted to hear more of his thoughts. Chuckie Hacks is born.

Matt doesn’t hate Cubs fans, he pities them.

We get an inside scoop from a friend. Post it on Charles. It ends up on Brewerfan.net. Which starts a discussion on the very meaning of Brewerfan.net and blogs in general. Excellent.

Goldy signs free agent deal with Chuckie, makes the first of many Muppets reference.

The Chuckie Hacks fascination of mini-horses takes hold.

Matty Wise earns the first gas can reference in CH history!

Port Washington High School (Matt and Brads Alma mater) basketball goes to State. This happens with Hailey’s Comet-like regularity.

Matt documents Opening Day 2007 with this fantastic diary.

Deadspin picks up Brad’s “ESPN is a Fraud” post. Later, it will be mentioned in Deadspin founder Will Leitch’s book. No joke.

The gang votes on The Most Painful Moments in Wisconsin Sports History.

Matt predicts the Packers to go 3-13. They finish 13-3 and damn-near goes to the Super Bowl.

A harmless Marquette post turns into stories about Freeway trying to sexually molest people. This continues the quality content on Chuckie!

Ever meet “Captain D-Bag” on the links? Matt has.

Brad predicts the WIAA football playoffs based on mascots. His predictions go 1-6.

When GB was 11-2, Brad asks where the TT haters are. People get mad.

2008

CH management signs Woz off the waiver wire. He contributes immediately breaking down the MLB leaders in Cougar Poon.

Goldy, Matt and Woz vote Brent Favre as the best QB in football history. Their opinions may have changed since then. Well, at least Goldy's and Woz's.

Woz's life is complete - Gabe Kapler signs his Chipotle receipt!

Brad predicts the Brewers death on May 8th. Of course, they go on to make the playoffs.

We share a little bit of our not-so-interesting selves.

Brett Lawrie talks a big game - Woz comments on the size of his genitals.

A totally unbiased post on the Favre-Ted battle. Straight down the middle...totally unbiased.

Somebody likes Trenni. A lot.

Ned's infamous "Money Order." A great find by Matt.

We’ve been Yosted long enough. Ned gets fired. About 2 years too late, but fired indeed. Matt looks back at the Yost era.

The Milwaukee Brewers make the playoffs and party it up! The Kool Aid man dances!

Woz picks the Brewers over Philly in 4. Oops.

Goldy - probably not sending Favre a Xmas card this year.

A perfect College Football playoff is created in about 17 minutes. It's really not that hard.

The first (and only) Dave Parker Random CD of the Week. I really wish this would have taken off.

Chuckie Hacks gets mentioned on USA Today. Big time, folks. Big time.

2009

Chuckie Hacks represents at the Super Bowl

CH plays Summerfest, Goldy sets the playlist. From this day forward, whenever I hear Franz Ferdinand I think of Mark Mangino. Thanks, Goldy.

Actual research? On Chuckie?

OK Woz, this Trenni thing is out of control.

Exactly how do you lose to the same team 17 times in a row? Find out here.

Learning about us - Part II.

Woz heads to St Louis, good times follow.

Gym class was fun.

-----
In closing, go Brewers, Packers, Marquette, Bucky (I guess), Mini-horses, Gas Cans, Cobra Kai, Muppets, Obviously, and the Kansas City Bucks.

Peace.

St Louis' Mike Hunt

2009-07-14T11:56:00.002-05:00

H/T to Todd. Good lord, just read this beauty. It's terrible. I'm pretty sure if Pujols walked across the Mississippi river without getting wet, Cardinal fans would say "Yeah, he does that all the time," with a straight face. It finishes with a mention of Prince untucking his shirt, of course:

Cardinals fans warmed up to Prince and gave him applause worthy of a champion. Yes, even though Fielder untucked his shirt, just the way his Brewers do when they beat the Cardinals.

St. Louis cheered for Fielder, anyway. What a gracious and hospitable baseball town. Then again, Fielder was wearing a red jersey.

Prince Wins, JS Blog Responders Already Claiming this as a Bad Thing

2009-07-13T22:21:00.002-05:00

OK, I can't verify that title, but I am sure the yahoos on the J-S Brewers blog are already crying about how this is going to throw off Prince's swing for the second half of the season. In my opinion, that theory is a bunch of horseshit. If you ever watch BP, these guys are trying to jack bombs all the time.

Anyhow, congrats to Prince. He made a mostly unwatchable event watchable. I am also glad that he was still going strong at the end so Joe Morgan and his theory of Prince tiring out could suck it. Prince hit some bombs. The ones going towards the scoreboard were fun to watch. Many fair-weather Brewers fans are quick to crap on Prince for several unjustified reasons. I can understand why people are hitching their wagons to Braun because he signed the long term deal, but in my opinion, Prince is the heart and soul of the team. I also thought that it was pretty sweet that after he won, he untucked. Couldn't have happened in a better location. I am sure some random douchebag St. Louis writer is going to be complaining about this. I think the best thing to come out of this is that we now know that Prince's kids rock the Sideshow Bob hairstyle. Awesome.

In other news, Channel 12 reminded me that tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of the Big Blue collapse. To be honest, the aftermath is one of the most surreal things I have ever seen in my life. My girlfriend and I were driving to Milwaukee from Madison the day after it happened and we drove past the stadium on I-94. It didn't even look real. I remember how the crane used to stand so majestically and you could see it from all over the city. The fact that it was the worlds largest crane was a source of pride. Seeing Big Blue draped over the first base side of the park and the associated damage was surreal. It seriously looked like a LEGO set that someone had partially knocked down. It's terrible that three guys died building our ballpark, however, I am amazed that there were not more deaths/injuries. Just a very scary thing and seeing the ballpark the day after is just one of those images burned into my mind.

On a more pleasant note, the MLB Network was showing the 1995 All Star Game from Arlington tonight. Wow, talk about a blast from the past. 1995 was the last year I played competitive baseball. As a senior in high school these were the players and styles I was trying to emulate. Thankfully I had a shaved head and wasn't rocking the 1995 Randy Johnson mullet. One highlight was muscular Ron Grant wearing a jersey that may fit Matt. Gant was a ripped dude and his jersey was probably a 38 or a 40. Kevin Appier was out on the mound for the AL following the Big Unit. That guy had a funky delivery. The most unfortunate moment was when Kirby Puckett was batting and they interviewed Dennis Martinez in the bullpen. If you recall, it was Martinez who accidentally hit Puckett in the face ending Kirby's career. Behind Molitor and Yount, Kirby was my favorite player, enough to name my first dog Kirby. But anyhow, it was great to watch the 1995 All Star game. Players from my youth, not my parents youth. Good times.

Random Home Run Derby Participants

2009-07-13T14:18:00.003-05:00

In honor of tonight's Home Run Derby, I give you the most random participants in the derby since its inception in 1985 based on my intensive research:

Hubie Brooks, Montreal, 1986.

Brooks hit 149 home runs in 15 seasons. You do the math. In 1986, he hit 14 bombs, with 58 RBIs. Predictably he hit 1 home run in the derby. There were 6 guys in the derby that year. Really? Hubie Brooks is the best they could do for the 6th guy? Did 25 other guys pass on the opportunity before they got down to poor Hubie?

Ozzie Virgil, Jr., Atlanta, 1987.

Ozzie topped out at 27 home runs in his magical 1987 campaign. He hit a total of 10 home runs in his career after 1987.

Damion Easley, Detroit, 1998.

When I think of Damion Easley I think of super utility slappy hitter. Apparently not - he was in a home run derby once! He did hit 27 home runs in 1998. He had 20 the year before. But in his career? 163 home runs in 17 seasons.

BJ Surhoff (O's), John Jaha (A's), Jeromy Burnitz (Brewers), 1999.

Good lordy, these guys were in the derby? Actually I knew about Burnitz (he damn near won it that year, I think) but Surhoff? Really? Jaha? Did he pull a muscle in the game?

Carl Everett, Boston, 2000.

Does not believe in dinosaurs, but does believe in entertaining the fans in a home run exhibition.

Hee Sop Choi, LA, 2005.

I'm not kidding. Hee Sop Choi was in a home run derby less than 5 years ago.

Braun To Bat Cleanup

2009-07-13T12:56:00.002-05:00

What are the odds that if Pujols hits two bombs, Braun will say it was because he was protecting him in the lineup? Even.

NL
SS Hanley Ramirez
2B Chase Utley
1B Albert Pujols
RF Ryan Braun
LF Raul Ibanez
3B David Wright
CF Shane Victorino
C Yadier Molina
RHP Tim Lincecum

AL
RF Ichiro Suzuki
SS Derek Jeter
C Joe Mauer
1B Mark Teixeira
LF Jason Bay
CF Josh Hamilton
3B Evan Longoria
2B Aaron Hill
RHP Roy Halladay

Is it just me, or does Paul Ibanez and Jay Bay look like pretty junk #5 hitters for an All-Star game?

Play at Your Own Risk

2009-07-13T08:35:00.001-05:00

How about a drinking game to make tonight's Home Run Derby tolerable:

1) Every time Boomer says "Back, back, back, back...GONE," drink.
If you're not passed out yet, continue:
2) When Boomer references a different Missouri city - I.E. "He hit that one to Columbia!" - drink.

3) A Prince nervous cough. Drink

4) When they flash to Ozzie Smith, drink.

5) Drink when they show an All-Star pitcher right after a huge bomb and say "(Fill in pitcher here) hopes he doesn't see (fill in batter) hit the ball like that tomorrow night, ha ha ha."

6) If they throw in a Lewis and Clark reference, drink double.

I'm rooting for Prince to win, then untuck his shirt. In St Louis, that would be sweet.

A Break from Your Brewers Blues

2009-07-12T20:40:00.001-05:00

Mattttt Daaaamon.

Well, those were two great games to attend

2009-07-11T12:23:00.001-05:00

Man,the last two games were rough games to attend. Not going to lie, unlike Thursday,I was expecting victory last night. Just not in the cards. This team is teetering on the brink right now. Up to this point, I have been chalking it up to the general ebb and flow of the season, but as of now, I am worried that this season is going in the tank. Even the bullpen has been brutal of late. Just not good times right now.

The Worst 10th Inning I've Seen In Some Time

2009-07-10T22:21:00.004-05:00

The struggling Carlos Villanueva enters the 10th for Milwaukee. Here's what happens next:

Ground Out
Walk
Triple
Intentional Walk
Infield Single which was clearly going foul only to have shitty Bill Hall try and make a play.
Walk
Grand Slam
The rest of the inning doesn't really matter.

12-6, Dodgers. WTF kind of 10th inning was that?? Villy's ERA is now 6.41.

Nelson Cruz - All Star??

2009-07-10T16:02:00.001-05:00

Who knew? Cruz fills in for Toriiiiii Hunter. At least we got Kevin Mench and Laynce Nix for him. (I know, settle down...that was only part of the deal. El Caballo for CoCo was also involved.)

Is That A Philco?

2009-07-10T08:28:00.003-05:00

Need a TV?

The Green Bay Packers are selling more than 450 used 20-inch TV sets that once adorned the suites in Lambeau Field.

The units are not HD-capable, but are cable ready and will work with cable TV systems. Available remote controls will be included with TVs on a first-come, first-served basis.

Maybe they can give a couple of these beauties to Nick Collins to make him happy.

Not Much of a Post

2009-07-09T22:28:00.002-05:00

Nothing much to say about today's game. OK, there is actually a lot to say about today's game, but I just don't feel like talking about it.

The one thing I do want to mention is that it seemed like the Cardinals hit a ton of foul balls off Parra. Like an amazing number. I don't know if it was because I was there and I was paying more attention, but it seemed like every batter was sending 1 or 2 balls into the stands. The other thing I noticed is that going to a game at Miller Park has officially hit NBA levels with the need to play some sort of musical number between every pitch. Ugh.

Old School - Gym Class Edition

2009-07-08T22:46:00.004-05:00

We were reminiscing at work about the good old days...gym class - the best hour of the day. Based on our discussions, here’s a few of the most memorable (good and bad) events in every child’s gym class. (Note: Dodgeball is not included, too easy. That’s an entire post by itself.)

6) Wrestling - Middle School: Weight classes were pretty much ignored. Especially with that one kids who matured earlier than everybody else. You know, the 6th grader with a full-grown beard. He went like 192 pounds and dominated pee-wee football. The next heaviest kid in class was like 161, which was unfortunate for him. But regardless of size, every weight class had the slow, stinky kid. You wanted no part of this guy. He smelled like a combination of drool, manure, and yesterdays lunch. And I'm supposed to wrestle this kid? Come on. Finally, there was the one kid who was a really good wrestler. In my class, it was (he might frequent this site) Ryan B. Not very big, but an excellent athlete - just took kids apart. On the last day, the teacher lined everybody up and we all got a chance at Ryan. It was like an assembly line, one after another. Kids who played the flute, math nerds, and the generally un-athletic all got their turn. The hopeless eventually just laid down as soon as stepping onto the mat. I managed to run in circles for a while, staying on the mat longer than most...and then succumbed to the inevitable. Pretty much everybody was excited to see the conclusion of wrestling in gym class.

5) Pickleball - High School - The other guys had no idea what I was talking about. Maybe it's a Port Washington thing. Basically, it's indoor tennis with a shorter net, an oversized ping-pong paddle and a whiffle ball. Good, no GREAT times! Matt and I were partners and rolled the competition until we met the gooniest set of doubles you could imagine. I'll save those details, but let's just say there wasn't an athletic bone in their bodies. Turns out, they were good. Really good. They revolutionized PWHS Pickleball by putting one player at the net and one on the baseline. We didn't know what to do....it was like seeing the wishbone formation for the first time. I haven’t seen Pickleball since, but would like to…it was pretty damn fun.

4) The Mile - Middle School - It was an annual event. As soon as the teacher declared "We're running The Mile next Thursday," kids were scrambling for excuses not to run. Some would "forget" their sneakers, many became sick, and a few would even mysteriously develop asthma over the weekend. At the sound of the gun, a few groups would soon develop: A) The Pacesetters - The future high school cross country folk who enjoy running from Wisconsin to Idaho on a "light run." Don't even try to keep up with these freaks. B) The Nerds - They would sprint for the first 50 feet, just so they could say they were "winning" at some point...and then fizzle out. Yeah, they might get straight A's in the classroom, but somehow forget there's another 5,230 feet to go. C) Biggins. As soon as the whistle sounds, they walk. The entire way. Zero effort. They were the same group of girls who made a circle in right-center field during softball. You'd purposely hit the ball in that general direction just to watch them scatter. D) The Cheerio Gang. A bunch of zeros. Our running course went around the football field, weaved through some tennis courts, then back around the gridiron. Well, the Teacher couldn't see behind the tennis courts, which made for a perfect opportunity for a few guys to bust out the smokes and fire up a Camel. During the Mile Run! Hilarious! E) Everyone Else. This group was down to about 5 kids by the finish line.

3) Gymnastics - Middle School. The rings, pommel horse, balance beam, bars...yep, this was about as gay as you would imagine. That rope hanging from the ceiling always made for good comedy. Some kids couldn't move up that thing an inch. Check that, a milimeter. Some would scoot right up to the top without breaking a sweat, like they were part squirrel. The rest? They'd climb up about half way and get nervous. I have no idea why. That quarter-inch thick blue pad 15 feet below would certainly break your fall. Or not. To close out the gymnastics session, there was a test. Everybody had to do a routine in front of the entire class using three pieces of equipment of your choice. It was pure hell. Falling off the balance beam while trying a somersault is bad…but not as bad as crashing to the ground it in front of 75 fifth graders.

2) Floor Hockey - Middle/High School. This was fun. It was a pretty sweet gym class sport. Unless you had the crazy guy in your class. The rule was simple: NO SLAP SHOTS! The blade of your stick had to stay below your knees. Nothing but wristers, right. Tell that to crazyman. There were always a few guys who’d wind up that slappy well over his head and let it fly. No chance of those tiny plastic shin guards stopping that freight train. Obviously, there was NO CHECKING. It's co-ed for Pete's sake. One guy in particular, Steve, thought otherwise. I like Steve. Good guy, funny. But a little off kilter…Junior year he read Mein Kampf just for the hell of it. Give this guy a hockey stick and it was on. Our high school gymnasium had a number of doors leading right into a main hallway. For no reason whatsoever, Steve decides to do a seek and destroy mission on an unsuspecting girl named Jenny. The puck isn't even remotely close to her and our friend Steve cross-checks her right out one of the doors and into the hallway. Checks her clear out of the fucking gym! A few moments go by before the poor girl opens the door, stumbling back into the gym all weak-legged and starry-eyed with tears running down her face. A classic gym class moment indeed!

1) Square Dancing - Frosh Year High School: WTF was the point of this, except to create the most awkward experience of your adolescent life? It starts on day one when the oversized gym teacher says "OK, everybody pick a partner." Of course there's only one decent looking chick in the class, who’s snapped up faster than you can say "promenade." So you're stuck dancing awkwardly with some creature you'll never speak to the rest of your high school days. And it didn't help that my movements were as fluid as a Holstein with a bad leg. Good God, the horror! And who’s ever used these square dancing skills since? Didn’t think so.

Had it all the way

2009-07-08T22:39:00.001-05:00

Not even a doubt. At no point did I say "shit" when Molina hit that ball. To celebrate, might I suggest listening to a little Cornershop?

I Hate Notre Dame

2009-07-08T21:28:00.004-05:00

I really do. To my dismay, their schedule is a joke.

Nevada
@ Michigan
Michigan State
@ Purdue
Washington
USC
Boston College
Washington State (In San Antonio, of all places)
Navy
@ Pitt
UConn
@ Stanford

Even USC is down (for USC standards) this year. Michigan is the only team who should be improved compared to last year. Pitt might be decent. That's a 10 win season by accident. And a 10 win season for Notre Dame means a BCS game. A BCS game for Notre Dame means an ASSLOAD of media love for the Irish and TV face time for Chuck Weis. Sorry to make you vomit.

Unofficial Chuckie Hacks Poll - Halladay Edition

2009-07-08T09:14:00.005-05:00

Roy Halladay is purportedly available in a trade. I heard on the radio that Jayson Stark hears that the Jays want "5 or 6 players, including your team's top 2 prospects" in order to get Halladay.

While that is ridiculous posturing on the part of the Blue Jays, if you ran the Brewers what would you trade for Roy Halladay? A package centered on Gamel or Escobar? Gamel and Escobar?

Personally, I'd give up Gamel or Escobar (not both), plus Parra (whose brain might work better in a country on the metric system) and I suppose another mid-tier prospect. I don't think the Brewers could do more than that, although Halladay is signed through 2010 at a relatively reasonable $15+ million next year. To be clear, I'm not saying the Blue Jays would take this package - it's just the most I'd give if I were Doug Melvin. Parra is a young left handed pitcher with physical upside, Escobar is the top SS prospect in the minors.

Halladay is a super pitcher who has done it for years in the tough AL East, and (captain obvious alert!!!) a rotation with Halladay and Gallardo at the top is much better than a rotation with Gallardo and ??? at the top. It might even make Ryan Braun happy.

How much would you give?

Classic

2009-07-07T22:37:00.002-05:00

Another Schroeder Post

2009-07-07T21:02:00.005-05:00

Top of the 6th, 5-0 St Louis, a wild pitch puts Cardinal runners on 2nd and 3rd. The camera shows Macha in the dugout and the following dialog takes place:

Brian: "Macha, wondering what he has to do here."

Bill: "Well, not much he can do. It's not up to him once he fills in that lineup card."

Really, Bill...REALLY? You do know the Brewers moved to the NL, right? Hell, if it's that easy, maybe Kenny can just turn in the lineup card and take a nap for 3 hours. Or perhaps I can take over innings 2-8, that would be fun.

Really, Bill?

Introducing...the Bill Schroeder Commentary Drinking Game!

2009-07-07T16:27:00.002-05:00

Similar to the "24" drinking game in which you take a shot every time Jack Bauer yells "Dammit" or "We're out of time! Give me a name!" or tortures a suspected terrorist...I'd like to try out an experiment before the all star break. I'm interested in how trashed one could get watching a Brewer game and taking a drink every time Bill Schroeder says one of the following:

"Where did that miss?"

"My Goodness..."

"Are you kidding me?"

"You betcha partner (said to Anderson)."

I'm confident there are a solid dozen shots each night if we stick with these original rules. If you'd like to expand on the game and report back your findings...we'd love to hear it.

Enjoy your beverages.

Goldy's Random Takes

2009-07-06T21:37:00.002-05:00

Well, the wife is watching some stupid stuff on TV, so now is as good a time as any to bore you with the random crap that pops up in my head from time to time.

Random teams I am a fan of: Houston Oilers (this has not carried over to the Titans), Toronto Blue Jays, Montreal Canadians, Golden State Warriors, Quebec Nordiques, Buffalo Bills, Los Angeles Angles.
I went to high school and started college at the height of the grunge movement. Thus chicks wore baggy pants and flannels, sweatshirts, or polo shirts. I think people my age lost out on the slut look. But we did win in terms of some great music. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be some high on my horse music critic. I could pretty much listen to a loop of Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Alice In Chains with some Beasties sprinkled in. It should be an interesting fall with new albums from PJ and the Beastie Boys as well as a rumored album from Alice In Chains. To be honest, I loved Layne Staley's singing, but the new guy isn't terrible. Plus by the end, Layne was so fucked up that Jerry Cantrell took over a good portion of the singing duties. Unfortunately, everything Nirvana has already been released.
Having mentioned all of the above here are some completely random bands I don't mind listening to (and may be the subject of a "Dave Parker Random CD of the Week" at some point): At the Drive-In; Arcade Fire; Matisyahu; Crowded House; Alison Krauss; Godsmack; Wolfmother; Vampire Weekend; Triumph; MGMT; Liam Finn; Local H.
The group Sudden Impact. What can you tell me about them?
I really don't give a shit about the Braun/Melvin dust up. Braun shouldn't have said what he said, but he did. Doesn't bother me. The unfortunate thing is that this is all you will hear about until the All-Star break.
If you have some time on your hands, watch some Brandon Jennings clips on YouTube. You will be sold on this guy. I don't think he will be the man out of the gate, but the guy has style that could put people in the seats. I am not calling the Bucks a play-off team but I feel they are going in the right direction.
Now that I mentioned the Bucks, a handfull of assholes will feel the need to say something about how much they hate the Bucks and their only reason for waking up tomorrow morning is the hope that the Bucks move out of town.
I have 3 Richard Jefferson bobbleheads if anyone wants one.
I think a lot of it has to do with the amount I am working this summer, but I am not living and dying with every Brewers game like I did last season. That could change after attending back to back games on Thursday and Friday.
Some of my best memories of my life involve sitting down the 3rd base line at County. For some reason, my Dad and I always sat on that side. That place has been gone for 9 years now, but everything still seems clear in my mind. That's half the fun of Watching Major League. Yah, it's a great movie, but getting able to see County every time you watch it is awesome.
Hats for bats!
I suck at golf. However, if I played more than once a month, I am pretty sure I would shave about 10 strokes off my score. I just have no feel and I have no clue how far my approach shots are going. I think it would help if I played Ives Grove as well.
Little green home run heeter.
Went to Summerfest once this year. As always, some interesting folks there. Dropkick Murphys were great. The Offspring were about as exciting as a bag of dicks.
I am a fan of Megan Fox.
Played in a 3-on-3 basketball tourney this weekend. Good times. Thankfully everyone there was in their early 30's and we all crapped out at the same time.
Brewers will keep it interesting into September, but they just don't have the horses to win a division that is there for the taking. According to Richard Justice, the Astros have all the tools, so I am just waiting for them to put it all together and run away with the division. Oh, that's right, they suck.
Does Trenni even exist on the MLB network anymore? Has Woz kidnapped her?
'Til next time, good night and good bowling everybody.

Ranking the Brewers - Badass Edition

2009-07-06T20:43:00.005-05:00

With Ryan Braun's public tongue-lashing of poor Seth McClung and Mike Burns, it got me to thinking - Seth McClung is probably one of the last guys on Milwaukee's 25-man roster that I'd go after if I were going to pick on someone. Not that I'd pick on any of them. I wouldn't. Because I'm quite small.

In any event, here's my top 5 Brewers as far as guys I wouldn't pick on if I were a normal or above-normal-sized man with a propensity for fisticuffs:

5. Chris Smith. Something about that man screams "I have a knife stashed on my person somewhere and I have used it to filet much larger people than you." I don't know what it is, but I'm wary.

4. Casey McGehee. I can only assume that McGehee has the capability of pounding 14 beers and then pounding your face into a pool table. Or training table. Or card table. Really, any old table.

3. Seth McClung. This wookie would do some damage if angry. 6 feet 7 inches of red rage. Braun is probably watching his back tonight.

2. Jason Kendall. He would break your arm and then whip you with it. I don't care if he's 85 years old, he'll still be able to beat the crap out of you because he feels no pain. It's fact.

1. Prince Fielder. Just look what he did to poor Parra. His brain is still broken and it's been a year.

EDIT

While I was at it I thought I'd throw out the top 3 guys on the Brewers 25-man roster who I might pick on (again, assuming the normal/above-normal size and whatnot):

23. Mat Gamel. I'm willing to bet he'd forget we were in a fight or otherwise lose interest within a minute or two. Or he'd show up late.

24. Craig Counsell. He's just too nice a guy to get into a physical altercation. Though he is gritty.

25. Bill Hall. Can't hit righties. Heyoooo! I'm here all week.

Braun: McClung and Burns Suck, Help Wanted

2009-07-05T20:04:00.003-05:00

Ryan Braun, not pulling punches again.

Should the Brewers make a trade for a starting pitcher?

"I wish I got to make decisions like that," Braun said with a smile. "I wish I was in those conversations. I know he’s trying to make our ball club better. I know he recognizes the importance of making a move and making it soon.

"At the same, I think everybody has recognized there are a lot of teams still in the race. There are not too many teams willing to give guys up and if they are, the asking price is pretty high.

"That being said, it would be nice to make a move and it would be nice to do something to help us out for the time being. The sooner we do it, the better."

Why trade for a starter?

Braun said the Cubs' starting pitchers are "a lot better than ours."

"They threw the ball a lot better than our starters did," said Braun. "They certainly swung the bats better than we did as well. Clearly, they were the better team.

"It was nice to at least get one win but they clearly outplayed us and outperformed us during the series."

"Their starting pitching was clearly a lot better than ours in this series. All four guys we saw in this series are No. 1, worst-case, No. 2 type starters. They make big pitches in big situations. You’re not always going to get hits in those situations."

A decent point - when you're outplayed by the 4th place team in the division over the course of a 4-game series, you might want to consider some changes to shore up some weaknesses.

But Ryan, Dave Bush is hurt and Manny Parra's brain is broken!

"Regardless of the reasons, we’ve got to find a way to throw the ball a little bit better for us to have success. When you’re constantly behind in games, it’s not easy and not fun."

I sure hope Ryan hasn't hurt the feelings of Seth McClung or Mike Burns. That would be a shame.

Showbiz Drinks Chuck E. Cheese's Milkshake

2009-07-04T07:16:00.001-05:00

Best video ever featuring the Showbiz Pizza band. You need to go about a minute and a half in to the video to catch Billy Bob and the gorilla. Growing up, the Showbiz on 27th Street by 894 was the pizza/video game/skee-ball/animatronic show of choice. Blew Chuck E. Cheese out of the water. It was pretty heady stuff for a kid from Racine. By the way, this video is similar to what goes on in the Goldy backyard on a typical Saturday. Matt can confirm. Complete with the Saint Bernard.

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-03T09:35:00.003-05:00

Happy 4th. Safe travels. Have fun.

God Bless The CFL

2009-07-02T13:26:00.002-05:00

Love the CFL. It's even more awesome after this: After scoring the first CFL touchdown of the new season, a player for the Toronto Rocket Ismails took off his helmet, jersey, and shoulder pads - laid down in the end zone and mimicked being buried. Why? A tribute to Michael Jackson. Seriously. Top that Ochocinco and T.O.!

The league is looking into the matter for possible fines/suspensions.

Best Rap Song From a Terrible Movie - Ever

2009-07-01T22:27:00.001-05:00

Sweep the Mets!

2009-07-01T08:07:00.001-05:00

Good Call Bob

2009-06-30T22:27:00.003-05:00

I know that some people complain about Bob Uecker these days regarding his play by play. And I'll admit that he seems to have more and more trouble with losing balls hit into the outfield as time goes by.

But the man still knows how to make a big call - his call of last night's McGehee "redeemer" grand slam was a classic, in my opinion.

Does anyone know how many career grand slams McGehee has?

The Mets

2009-06-30T22:26:00.000-05:00

They are just brutal right now. That line-up is just terrible. Well, outside of the 9th inning.

Congrats To The 2009 NL Central Champs - YOUR Milwaukee Brewers

2009-06-30T22:17:00.002-05:00

Tear down that silly Wild Card pennant, here comes the big boy - the real deal. It's gonna happen. The Brewers WILL win the NL Central this year, and here's 5 reasons why.

1) The NL Central itself. Not exactly breaking news here, but this division is very, very winnable. St Louis? Come on, that team defines "smoke and mirrors." The Cubs can't seem to get out of their own way and everybody else is generally crappy.

2) I forgot what #2 was gonna be, but I'm sure it was fantastic.

3) July 20th - August 30th. Take a look at the Brewers schedule between these dates. Holy crap. I know the schedule all evens out at the end, and September looks tough....but holy crap! One series against a team over .500. Here are those series' with current team record:

@ Pitt: 36-41
Atlanta: 36-40
Washington (4 gamer): 22-52
@ San Diego: 33-42
@ Dodgers: 49-28
@ Houston: 36-38
San Diego: 33-42
Houston: 36-38
@ Pitt: 36-41
@ Washington (4 gamer): 22-52
Cinci: 37-38
Pitt: 36-41

Good lord! That's 8 against the Natty's and 9 vs Pittsburgh, if you're scoring at home. That's some serious Mo' going into the stretch run.

4) Bully. "Our bully runs deep, so deep, so deep it put her butt to sleep..." Sorry, that was stupid. It's deeper than usual with a bunch of guys having career years. Their buttons are correctly being pushed by...

5) ...Kenny Macha. He won't fold up like an accordion at the end of the year like the Brewers last "manager," Neddy Yost. Macha's been there before. By the way, what's Nedly up to these days?

There you have it - done deal. Milwaukee Brewers, 2009 NL Central champs.

It's FAAAAAAAANTASTIC!!

2009-06-30T09:20:00.003-05:00

I heard someone on the radio project the Bucks lineup to be:

PG - Ramon Sessions
SG - Mike Redd (Coming off an ACL)
SF - Luc Richard
PF - Kurt Thomas
C - Dandy Andy Bogut (Off a back injury)

2nd String:
PG - Ridnour/Jennings
SG - Chuck Bell
SF - Joe Alexander
PF - Malik Allen
C - Danny G

Am I wrong in saying this looks like complete dumpster fire? You have one scorer (Redd) out of the whole bunch. He should love it though...he'll get about 32 shots per game.

This is beginning to have all the makings of a great draft pick

2009-06-29T22:37:00.002-05:00

After reading this, I ask you to google a photo of Brandon Jennings and his Young Money tattoo. He is rocking a nice fade in the photo on Deadspin and one of the comments asked something along the lines of "Wasn't he the guy killed at the end of Juice?" That comment slayed me.

Hammond said he did not want to elaborate on the reasons behind the free agent decisions. But he did address another issue facing the team this week: Jennings' involvement in a profanity-laced and provocative video clip that was posted on the Web site YouTube.

"We are aware of the story," Hammond said. "This is a team matter, and we've been in contact with Brandon regarding it."

The clip, which showed rapper Joe Budden having a speakerphone conversation with someone identified as Jennings, had been removed as of Monday afternoon.

But according to a partial transcript of the clip posted on sportingnews.com, Jennings said he was confident that Sessions would not return to the team, boasted that he would beat out Luke Ridnour for the Bucks' starting point guard job and made a profane comment about the New York Knicks for not drafting him.

"He did not know he was being taped and it's already been addressed to Brandon by the Milwaukee Bucks as well as Bill Duffy and BDA Sports," said Ilana Nunn, spokeswoman for Jennings' agency. "When you're not told your being taped, you don't know what's going on."

Jennings previously had mentioned his friendship with Budden on his Twitter account, which had been taken down as of Monday afternoon.

The incident could raise questions about the maturity of Jennings, who decided to play professionally in Italy instead of going to college.

And Jennings apparently was wrong about Sessions' future with the team.

The ever exciting Brewers work outing

2009-06-29T22:16:00.003-05:00

Went to the game tonight as part of our yearly work outing at the Brewers game. It was a good game to go to, except I was very worried that all the opportunities squandered early on were going to come back and bit the Brewers. We had decent seats and were right by McGehee when he dropped the pop up. To be honest, I looked away because I assumed he was going to catch the ball. I saw the highlights once I got home and I am still not sure how he dropped the ball.

Anyhow, getting back to the work aspect, it is always exciting to see the random people that show up to this thing.

You have the ladies that know absolutely nothing and are taking photos the whole time and spend most of the game with their back to the field chatting up those around them. They tend to get up to go get some food in the middle of an AB. Tonight it was with 2 outs and 2 guys on for the Mets when the game was tight.
You have the guy with some baseball knowledge who feels like he needs to broadcast all he knows to the whole section. Unfortunately I didn't hear anyone tell the group that JJ Hardy is a great fastball hitter.
You have the a-hole who is on his cell phone discussing work projects. That was me for a half an inning tonight.
You have the guy asking why everyone boos Sheffield. From that point on he boos Sheffield and still doesn't have a complete guess as to why.
You have the people whose highlight of the night was doing the wave.
You have the people who complain about beer prices. Yah, beer is expensive at a baseball game. If you don't want to pay that much, don't drink at the game.
Finally, you have the true measure of every non-baseball fan. Those who boo when a player on the Brewers gets an intentional walk.

The French Defense Tightens Up; Holds US Under 80

2009-06-29T13:18:00.006-05:00

In something called the Junior World Championship of American Football, the US took France behind the woodshed and squeaked out a 78-0 victory. Oh, and the yardage totals? 610-7.

In other action, Canada beat New Zealand 55-0, and Sweden lost to Mexico 41-0. I pray that the Kiwis and Swedes are off the US schedule. The US might reach triple digits by halftime.

Remember Ping-Pong Diplomacy from US history class? Well, we got destroyed. Maybe we should start American Football Diplomacy with North Korea. We'll give them 2 yard to get a first down, and we'll only have 6 guys on offense. That could sooth relationships!

Chuckie Hacks: Your forum for ingenious political solutions!

Rodgers Taking It To The Next Level

2009-06-28T22:53:00.005-05:00

Off the field, at least. What's next but an SI swimsuit model! Her name is Julie Henderson, and she's a grapefruit heiress (insert melons joke here) and smokin hot. Take a look.

Just like Aaron's 2008 season, there's an problem. This situation (Julie) looks spectacular on the surface (2008 stats) - but there's an issue (final drives). Mrs Henderson was previously hooking up with....Russell Simmons?!? I know, I know...he's a heavy hitter with more money than God, but....I mean....just...click on this. Rodgers is rolling with the girl who was just banging a 51 year old, 5'8" (she's 5'-10"), African-American? Going from Simmons to Rodgers is just way too extreme for any normal person. It's like the driver of Big Foot driving a Toyota Prius in his spare time. She has to be crazy. Batshit crazy. Still hot, but crazy.

Serbian's Can Take 3 Steps?

2009-06-28T22:25:00.003-05:00

I'm not quite sure what Bo Ryan is talking about here...he probably doesn't know what to do with himself when his team isn't getting all the calls. Belgrade is a loooong way from the Kohl Center:

Afterward, coach Bo Ryan didn't mince any words in discussing the outcome.

"Tonight's game was exactly what I thought it would be, and it's what we were very concerned with," said Ryan. "They sent a message. They are bigger and stronger inside. They are going to take it there, and they are going to try to shove it down our throats. When we try to do the same at the other end, we have to learn about the contact and what officials are going to call.

"The main thing is not to overreact to how a game is being called. It's a different game, and for some of our guys, the extra step really hurt. The Serbians really know how to use that. We were thinking we were in position to take a charge, and they took one more step to go by the defensive player."

2 Thoughts from Saturday's Celebration

2009-06-28T19:11:00.002-05:00

Well it's unfortunate that the Brewers couldn't build on Saturday's great win. I think the future strategy for Brewer opponents should be to only start guys making their major league debut against the Brewers. Seems like there is about a 15-year track record of the Brewers performing terrible in that situation.

However, going back to Saturday's exciting win, I noticed 2 things in the celebration I liked.

Hoffman ws one of the foirst guysin the pile around Prince. I am sure he was glad the team picked him up, but it's great to see the vet being one of the first out there to celebrate and whoop it up.
When Braun tried to jump on the pile he overshot everyone and clipped Jody Gerut's (Jordy Gerruth?) face with his spikes. This just leads me to mention that Jody Gerut has been terrible.

Sweep the Giants!

2009-06-28T14:29:00.003-05:00

Late again. My bad. Go Brewers.

Wanna Be Startin Something

2009-06-27T02:18:00.001-05:00

After a Hardy strikeout, Braun - whose at-bat introduction music was changed to Michael Jackson's ''Smooth Criminal'' for the game - doubled to score Counsell. Casey McGehee doubled to score Braun, giving the Brewers a 2-1 lead.

Teammate Mike Cameron also changed his theme music to Jackson's ''Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough.'' The pop music star died Thursday.

''He's a legend and an icon, so Cam and I both felt like we'd give him a little tribute, a little love,'' Braun said.

So, will Braun keep using his new theme song?

''I'm sticking with Michael,'' Braun said. ''We're 1-0.''

You're hungry. You don't even blink, do you?

2009-06-27T02:07:00.003-05:00

Hello I'm Robert Goulet Da da de da da do. I know one thing we can agree on when a professional gets his mitts on a song that's when it really takes off. Da da de da da do ba dob a do. That's why I've gone out and done the music world a frickin' service, and cut this compact disc. It's called The Coconut Bangers Ball: It's A Rap. Ha Ha Ha A little inside I know. Anyway what you get is one full hour of rip roarin' rap music. Not by some dubious ruffians without the chops, but by a professionally trained voice man. No musical accompaniment. It's just me out there.

Smokey Jeffress At It Again...

2009-06-26T20:36:00.002-05:00

Jesus, Smokey - put down the bong already! 100 game suspension.

Drafty

2009-06-26T09:25:00.002-05:00

I hate the NBA, but love the draft...a chance to see where the college guys end up. Because all these guys are dead to me from this point forward, somebody else (Two Name?) will have to tell me if these thoughts come true. I did this a couple years ago, and Matt says I actually got a few right.

Lottery Guys I Like (Besides Griffin)

DeMar DeRozan, USC - One of those freaky athletes who looks like an NBA player.

Tyreke Evans, Memphis - With time, he'll turn into a deadly point guard...either from his skill, or actually shooting somebody.

Terrence Williams, Louisville - Jack of all trades.

Lottery Guys I DONT Like

James Harden, ASU - I really liked him at ASU, but picking him 3rd is too high. In the 9-11 range, sure. But 3rd?? Does our one Chuckie fan at ASU disagree?

Jonny Flynn, Syracuse - Same as Harden. Top 15, sure. Number 6? No way.

Tyler Hansbrough, UNC- You know the drill...great college player, great kid, hard worker, etc. Bottom line is he's a slightly more athletic Mark Madson. How un-shocking was it that Indiana drafted him? They now have a plethora of white guys - Hansbrough, Diener, Jeff Foster, Troy Murphy, Dunleavy, Josh McRoberts, and Rasho Nesterovic. Impressive.

Non Lottery 1st Round Sleepers

James Johnson, Wake - Always stood out, even when Wake would play the likes of Carolina. And he's a black belt from Wyoming, for whatever that's worth.

Rodrigue Beaubois, France - Just kidding. Making sure you were paying attention.

Toney Douglas, FSU

2nd Round Sleepers

Jeff Pendergraph, ASU - A poor man's Terrence Williams

AJ Price, UConn - Not a freak athlete, but has that "craftyness" to stick in the league for years.

Jack McClinton, Miami - San Antonio will turn him into a great player off the bench, you watch.

Others:

DeJuan Blair, Pitt - boy did this guy fall like a load of shit. Maybe because, well, he's a load of shit. Lottery pick to 37!

Jodie Meeks, Kentucky - Can fill it up. He and Redd might be wrestling each other for the ball.

Jerel McNeal, Marquette - He'll find his way into the NBA, book it!

Somebody tell me how their NBA careers go. Thanks.

A couple K bye's

2009-06-26T08:55:00.004-05:00

If anybody was wondering if Michael Jackson was picked in my celebrity death pool...here's the update: I picked him in the 4th round. I'm like the Jack Z. of Death Drafts, I know where to find the best sleepers.

Related to that, here's a true story of an event that happened to me last night. No exaggeration. I'm pulling through the Taco Bell drive through after work when the following exchange happens between me and the girl working the window (not attractive by any reasonable measure):
Girl - "That'll be $7.45...HEY! Oh my God did you hear Michael Jackson died?
Me - "Oh yeah...he's out. It's all over the internet and radio."
Girl - "Wait...I heard it could only be a heart attack and he might be alive!"
Me - "He's gone. Deal with it."
Girl - "It's just crazy...you know?!"
Me - "You know what else is crazy? I picked him in the 4th round of my celebrity death pool. I get a point for that."
Girl - "Ummm...that's kind of weird."
Me - "You know what else is weird? Starting a conversation with a customer in the drive thru lane at Taco Bell about Michael Jackson's death."

And finally, on a Chuckie Hacks personal note...I'll basically be ending my run of posting here on the old site. Job promotion and studies for the CPA exam will do that to a blogger. It's been a good run and I can retire knowing I'm the 2nd best Brewer blogger in the business (nobody tops KLSnow...even I'll admit that). I'll still comment from time to time and maybe throw up a post if I get real worked up about something...but that's basically it. I hope if I left a lasting mark on anyone its that the word "billups" has made it's way into their everyday vocabulary.

Some Quick Thoughts

2009-06-25T23:56:00.003-05:00

It's late. My pup is in the doggie hospital for eating 3/4 of a pan of brownies, so I have some time to post some thoughts. If you own a lab with legs that don't stop, make sure your wife doesn't leave brownies on top of the stove.

I like what the Bucks did tonight. They obviously were looking PG leading up to the draft. They knew Jordan Hill wouldn't fall to them, so they got the best PG they thought was left. The problem is, Jennings is a young guy and isn't going to be a stud right away like Paul and Williams were. Hopefully he gets time to develop.
I like the Meeks pick as well. Maybe its because I watched the 54-point game and found it entertaining that Jimmy Dykes was ready to have his love child. However, the guy can also play D. I think this guy can be an NBA starter down the road.
I am glad to see other teams trading players and getting nothing in return.
Do to work and travel, I don't think I have watched more than 2 innings of a Brewers game since the 2 White Sox games I went to. The losing hurts a little less when you are paying less attention.
Christmas of 1984 I received a t-shirt that said "Beat It" and had a full color photo of Michael Jackson with the red leather jacket and the glove. I thought it was awesome. Obviously some weird stuff happened later in life for Mike, but for those around my age, Thriller was a huge record. Wanna Be Starting Something is just a great song. Woz, was Jackson selected in your death pool?
Corey Hart. I detest you.
The new Kauffman Stadium is alright. Better than the old one, but still nothing special. The scoreboard is massive. There is so much on that thing, you have a hard time finding the important stuff. It was a bit distracting.
Going to a Royals game in 2009 is like going to a Brewers game in 2002. Less than 20,000. Nobody wearing team gear and very little applause for any of the players. Just a rough atmosphere.
I think I am officially worried about the Brewers.
PYT
On a closing note, I hope Cooper is ok. The vet seems to think he will be alright but wanted someone to observe him overnight. And they were going to make him vomit again, so better there than here.

It Probably Increases His Creativity at the Plate

2009-06-25T22:08:00.003-05:00

Geovany Soto.

Pothead.

He's not exactly burning up at the plate right now.

Perhaps this is the spark that the Cubs need this season.

Was last year just smoke and mirrors?

I'll be here all week. Please tip your waitress.

Captain Obvious

2009-06-24T22:00:00.003-05:00

Evidently, when the Brewers pitching holds an opponent to 3 runs, it makes it easier for the Brewers to win.

Let's try to do that tomorrow too.

I really hope that Looper isn't hurt after getting drilled. I suppose there's a difference between getting nailed by Hanley Ramirez and getting nailed by Carlos Gomez, so maybe he'll be OK.

Terrible News Out Of Iowa

2009-06-24T10:17:00.004-05:00

Some loser walked into the Aplington-Parkersburg high school weight room and shot and killed it's longtime football coach, Ed Thomas. Despite it's small size (270), Mr Thomas has four of his former players in the NFL - Aaron Kampman, Casey Wiegmann, Jared DeVries, and Brad Meester. Thomas was coach for over 30 years. This is the same small town which was ravaged by tornados a couple years ago...now this.

The shooter was reported to be a current player. Whoever did it...Burn in hell, loser.

This Will Make You Cringe

2009-06-23T14:16:00.001-05:00

SI laid out the best draft picks, by slot, in NBA history. Three of these guys were drafted by the Bucks, but ended up playing elsewhere. Two Hall of Famers, and one possibly on his way. Ouch. Imagine teaming Dr. J with Kareem and Oscar??

9. Dirk Nowitzki, Bucks, 1998

12. Julius Erving, Bucks, 1972 - Had Erving signed with Milwaukee, he would have been teammates with Abdul-Jabbar and Robertson; instead, he moved to the ABA...

23. Alex English, 1976, Bucks

K bye Richard Jefferson!

2009-06-23T12:28:00.002-05:00

Hmmm...I must admit I didn't see this one coming. I guess all he was worth was a 1-year run.

The Milwaukee Bucks agreed to trade Richard Jefferson to the San Antonio Spurs for Bruce Bowen, Kurt Thomas and Fabricio Oberto a Bucks source told ESPN.com.

Two Name was the guy who told me about this...referring to it as a "pure salary dump." Can't say I disagree. According to the article all 3 of the guys we are getting in return have expiring contracts...which in the poker game of the NBA are basically wild cards. They are highly valuable in numerous ways.

And...the Bucks continue their complete revamp AGAIN this off season. Seems like they don't know which way to go.

More questions will be answered (or not) depending on who they draft. The fate of Charlie V and Ramon Sessions are the other two big question marks besides the draft.

And oh...I think I might have scooped the JS on the ESPN article...so you know...I got that going for me...which is nice.

This Picture Is on the JSOnline Front Page

2009-06-22T13:00:00.002-05:00

Someone at JS Online has a sense of humor. I wonder if they're running an office caption contest? Winner keeps their job.

This Is Comical

2009-06-21T22:28:00.000-05:00

Poor Question

2009-06-21T22:07:00.003-05:00

Anybody catch the in-game text question on Friday? It was "Who is your favorite Brewers Personality" with the choices of: Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder, Ken Macha, or Mike Cameron. Really? Those are the choices? Let's break it down:

Ryan Braun: His personality is that of an arrogant asshole. That's fine as long as he keeps hitting bombs and annoying Tony LaVodka.

Ken Macha: Seems like a good guy. Throws in a few zingers, and gives a good interview. Compared to Ned Yost, Macha is Chris Farley. I guess this is a legitimate choice, but picking your 59 year-old manager as your "favorite personality" doesn't seem right. Unless it's Mike Ditka.

Prince Fielder: Does he even have a personality? I guess he likes to fight Manny Parra. SIDE NOTE: I saw Manny's numbers pre, and post-Prince scuffle in the dugout...it's not good. I'll try to find them again. END OF SIDE NOTE. Prince's interviews are dry toast and he mixes in the occasional giggle between numerous nervous coughs. How is Prince an option for this question?

Mike Cameron: Again, nothing much going on here. By all accounts, he's a good guy and a true professional, rather than a big time "personality."

All-in-all a silly question with terrible choices.

-------------------------------------------
In other news, the starting pitching is, in the words of Joe Namath, strugggellingg. It's Yo and hold your breath until Yo pitches again.

Soccer Is Awesome

2009-06-19T22:08:00.000-05:00

A little something for the ladies

2009-06-19T13:30:00.001-05:00

This one's for Sara M. and the rest of the Hack's Hotties.

So I was out Wednesday night and a platonic female friend of mine asked me if I had seen "Mat Gamel's tongue" the other night. Obviously I had no idea what she was talking about but she mentioned the camera caught him making absurd movements with his tongue...and she reenacted this several times to illustrate (to my amusement).

I obviously thought she was exaggerating to some degree, until she got on her phone and...wait for it...called her mom and handed me the phone.

Here Mom confirmed the entire event regarding Gamel's tongue...and flatly said at the end of our conversation, "Woz, he looked like an amphibian."

There you have it folks. Mat Gamel's new nickname is the amphibian. I'm all over it.

UFL Draft?

2009-06-19T08:45:00.003-05:00

Something called the UFL held it's draft last night. I guess it's a modern-day USFL, only has no intention of trying to someday overtake the NFL. Anyway, here's a few names of crappy NFLers, former busts/druggies, and guys would are not even training camp fodder that stood out from the draft:

Wendall Bryant, Brooks Bollinger (Top 5 pick!), LaBrandon Toefield, Mike Doss, Chris Perry, and Marviel Underwood. Classic names, I know.

Actually, they have big name coaches. MUCH bigger names than you would expect: Jim Fassil, Ted Cottrell, Denny "Crown 'em" Green, and Jim Haslett.

Milwaukee is listed as a potential future franchise location. I'd rather watch this than the indoor Bonecrushers.

OK, that was way too much talk about the UFL.

OTA Report, Baby!

2009-06-18T16:38:00.006-05:00

No, that's NOT BJ Raji

Keep in mind, football isn't played in shorts and T-shirts - OTA's are. Regardless, here are some general observations from the last few weeks of OTAs.

Rodgers has been zipping the ball, as expected.

Two 2nd year WRs looked improved - Jordy Nelson and Brett Swain. We found out last year Jordy could play, but Swain was an unknown. Drafted in the 7th round as a poor man's Wes Welker and spent the year on the practice squad. He's been turning some heads in OTAs. I bet he makes the team as the 5th WR, beating out the incumbent Ruvell Martin. Martin is a big target, but doesn’t really play like one. The bigger, red-zone target will be....

....MY GUY (JT is my defensive guy this year) Jermichael Finley. Yep, the same clown who was running his mouth after the Tennessee game because the ball wasn't exactly on his hands. Even though Texas players are usually crazy, I'll give Finley a pass because he was like 18 years old last season. Actually, he was 20 - still a pup. He's snatching balls left and right....um, that didn't sound right.

The #1 O-Line has been Moll, Colledge, Spitz, Sitton, and Barbre. Clifton, Wells and Giacomini have been out with injuries. A totally random prediction if everyone is healthy: Starters - Cliffy, Colledge, Spitz, Sitton, Giacomini. 2nd: Barbre, Moll, Preston, Meredith, and Lang. Wells will be cut. The rookie Lang has looks like an athletic guy in a fat man's body.

Breno Giacomini...Worst. Stache. Ever.

Flynn and Brohm have looked much better than last year. That's what a year of preparation will do.

Actually, the entire 2008 draft is looking solid: Flynn, Brohm, Jordy, Finley, Thompson, and CB Pat Lee have all been noticed. Lee's still the #4 corner (behind Woody, Al, and Trammy), but has made a bunch more plays than last year. Rookie CB's are often clueless.

James Jones is back being James Jones.

A GBPG writer (can't remember which one) said he remembers the first time he saw Jamal Reynolds in OTAs and thought "This guys sucks." His very first impression of BJ Raji? "The real deal." What does that mean? Absolutely nothing, just thought it was worth noting. Hopefully he's 2 for 2 on first-day assessments.

Kampman has struggled, no doubt.

Clay Jr had a hammy strain, which limited him the first week. Other guys not really doing much because their recovering from injuries: Jenkins, Bigbie, Harris, and Barnett. Some TE they like - John Carlson from Michigan - to win the #3 job has been banged up. Same story for Jamarko Simmons, the WR who broke Greg Jennings' records at Western Michigan. They're basically the Luke Swann's of 4th and Long.

Justy Harrell, still pain free!! Knock on wood.

There it is...totally random notes from activities I did not see, buy guys not wearing pads. 1) Take them for what they're worth. 2) MM can't use the term "pad level" yet.

San Antonio Spurs - Big Marquette Fans

2009-06-18T10:03:00.001-05:00

...according to one mock draft, at least:

http://www.nbadraft.net/2009mock_draft

Sweep the Indians!

2009-06-17T20:18:00.002-05:00

Crap, this is late. 3-3 in the 6th. My bad. If the Brewers lose this game this one's on me.

Get Ready For Another Crappy Year of Big-11 Football

2009-06-17T08:52:00.003-05:00

From CBSSportsline's Dennis Dodd:

This might be the worst I've seen the Big Ten in 11 years.

The Big Ten remains the leader in BCS bowls (19) but you don't have to be told the league has lost a step in recent years. The 28 NFL draft picks each of the last two seasons ranked fifth (2008) and tied for fourth (2009) among major conferences.

The league is only 9-20 in bowls (1-6 last season) since 2005.

Here's my best example for how average the Big Ten has become: Penn State has to replace 12 starters (the most in the league), including its entire secondary. It is a twisted ankle at quarterback away from finishing fifth. A good, not great, group of receivers have to be replaced by what might be good, not great, group of receivers.

Still, the Nittany Lions are a virtual pick-'em with Ohio State to go to the Rose Bowl.

By the way, the Rose Bowl is going to be it for the conference champ. I don't see a national title contender in the bunch. The letters U, S and C will burn the ears of Big Ten loyalists. USC has beaten Big Ten teams by a combined 60 points the past three Januarys. The Trojans will likely be waiting in Pasadena to lay the smack down once again.

Like the Woody and Bo days, it's still a two-team league. Unlike the Woody and Bo days, there's not much national buzz.

As for Bucky:

7. Wisconsin -- Is it time to panic yet? Bielema started 21-5 in his first two seasons, then slumped to 7-6 last year. But it was the way it happened: Bielema still hasn't been able to find a serviceable quarterback. The Badgers looked lost on defense and the prospects aren't good for this season. The formula to beat Wisconsin hasn't changed: Let the tailbacks get their yards, smack the quarterback in the mouth, wait for the turnovers and control the ball against a poor-tackling defense.

Brace Yourselves For A HUGE Shocker!

2009-06-16T15:42:00.003-05:00

Sammy Sosa was on roids. Whooooaaah, shocking! He was taking steroids and corking his bat? My gosh Sammy, why not just use a pitching machine?

Best/Worst Wisconsin Sports Announcers

2009-06-16T13:04:00.003-05:00

Deserves it's own post...Wisconsin Sports Announcers:

Best?
Worst?
Overrated?
Underrated?

I'll go with:
Best: Larravee and McCarren
Worst: Homer and Jimmy Mac
Overrated: Lucas and Lepay
Underrated: Ted Davis

Does Anyone Know How Many Grand Slams Prince Fielder Has Hit In His Big League Career?

2009-06-15T22:13:00.003-05:00

Even more important than giving Milwaukee the lead in that ridiculous game, Prince's grand slam tonight will mean that we never have to hear Brian Anderson tell us that Prince has no career grand slams every time he comes up with the bases loaded.

Only one word to describe tonight's game...

2009-06-15T21:33:00.004-05:00

Game of the year. Hell of a display for Braun and Fielder in front of a national audience.

2 random points of awesomeness from watching the ESPN telecast:

-Phillips and Schulman were calling the game and had Uecker on in the 4th inning, mainly to talk about the 20th anniversary of "Major League." I'm paraphrasing what was said exactly but at one point Uecker was just thanking the guys for letting him be there and he says "Thanks Stevie and...(pause) you too (in reference to Schulman)." Now, I can't be sure...but that sounded like he forgot Schulman's name. It's just like Harry Doyle in Major League...
"Hello Tribe fans, Harry Doyle here along with Monty...uhh...what's his name."

-Later that game they had Peter Pascarelli on the broadcast. His very first words were "I just miss Oral." Needless to say, from his outside appearance, I bet Peter has "missed Oral" for quite a long period of time. Zing!

Will This Be Conducted In A Dome?

2009-06-15T13:27:00.004-05:00

Is it humanly possible to fit both Captain Rocketball's and Joe Buck's egos in the same room? Is Miller Park available? We'll find out tonight.

Hey, It Could Be Worse

2009-06-14T21:42:00.005-05:00

Well, after a brutal homestand, many fringe fans seem to be jumping off the bandwagon while the more reasonable fans either a.) are worried and with good reason, or b.) feel this is part of the ebb and flow of a 162 game season. Usually I am more of an A type person, but I am feeling a bit more B right now. However, in an effort to make us all feel a bit better about the Brewers recent play, I bring you a brief account of the recent history of Royals baseball from the great Kansas City Star/SI/his own blog columnist, Joe Posnanski.

Joe goes in to detail regarding some of the lowest moments the Royals have had over the past 13 seasons. I moved to KC 7 years ago this June and spent 4 years there. Many of these moments cover the time that I followed this team. Since Joe is a much better writer than me, I'll let him explain some of my favorite moments.

Of course, there’s the Ken Harvey oeuvre. Once, he lost a battle with a tarp. Once, as the cut-off man, he turned his back on an outfield throw and got hit in the back. Once he threw a baseball into his own pitcher’s face.*

*Harvey, you will note, was the Royals All-Star in 2004. He then played in 12 games for the Royals in 2005 and he hasn’t played a big league game since. A little while ago, he was released by the Kansas City T-Bones Independent league team.

Ah yes. Ken Harvey. The one where he threw the ball into his Jason Grimley's face was epic (see photo above). It's amazing no 'roids or HGH came flying out of Grimsley's pocket during this play. Ken was also a big fellow. I remember a play at first where a little guy (think Counsell-size)ran into him and sent Ken flying. Ken was not much of an athlete.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of a player named Chip Ambres, who played in only 53 games with Kansas City, but managed in that short period of time to make team history TWICE. Ambres made his first appearance for the Royals on July 20. Eight days later, on July 28, he hit his first big league home run. The Royals lost that game to Tampa 10-5 … and that was the first loss in what would become a 19-game losing streak.

Historic moment No. 1 happened on August 9th, when the Royals were leading Cleveland 7-2 going into the ninth inning. Mike MacDougal was the Royals closer then — or at least that’s what they called him — and he promptly gave up a double to Casey Blake, a double to Grady Sizemore, a single to Coco Crisp (Coco has seen the Kansas City thing from both sides now). That made it 7-4. After a strikeout, MacDougal gave up ANOTHER double to Travis Hafner. Victor Martinez singled. It was 7-5.

And then the real fun began. Ronnie Belliard popped up to short … but Angel Berroa dropped it. The Royals did get an out there on a play at second. So it was 7-6, but there were two outs.

And that’s when Jeff Liefer lifted a fly ball to Chip Ambres in left field. Anyone who heard the call by Royals announcer Denny Matthews will never forget it: “There’s a fly ball to left field and … he dropped it. Yes he did.” There was no doubt in Denny’s voice at all. The Indians ended up scoring 11 runs in the inning and winning the game.* That, incidentally, was lost No. 11 in a row for the Royals.

*Another highlight of that inning was when right fielder Emil Brown tried to kick the ball back into the infield. He was not quite successful.Later, in historic moment No. 2 — just mentioned this the other day — Ambres (playing center) and left-fielder Terrence Long converged on a fly ball and then, each thinking the other would make the play, began jogging toward the dugout. The ball plopped down behind them. I remember going into the radio booth to ask Denny if he had ever seen anything like that before. He considered the question for a moment. And then he said: “Nope.”

The flyout thing was epic as well. It was just stunning to watch both guys run towards the dugout and then when the ball hit behind them, I can't say either really hustled back to get the ball. That 19 game losing streak was something else. Not just losing 19 games, but they invented new ways to lose. It was comical.

Speaking of comical, some of the guys on these teams were just brutal. The Brewers of 1998 to 2004 would have killed these guys.Royals starters between my KC era of June 2002 through June 2006 included Ruben Gotay, the immortal Emil Brown, who somehow has 5 ABs with the Mets this season and his most similar batter is Glenn Braggs, awesome, Dee Brown, Aaron Guiel, and Carlos Febles. You also have the immortal 2005 pitching staff with the top 3 starters looking like this: Zack Greinke finishing 5-17 wityh a 5.80 ERA; Jose Lima was 5-16 with an astoundign 6.99 ERA; and Runelvys Hernandez was 8-14 with a 5.52 ERA. Manny Parra would hav efit in great with this staff.

Yes, Royals baseball has been brutal of late. Moreso than the Brewers from the mid 90's to the mid-2000's. I'm headed to KC this week to watch a couple games. It will be interesting to see if any exciting events happen at the newly remodeled K.

Watch Hockey Tonight

2009-06-12T13:38:00.005-05:00

My guy Jagr says Game 7 of Lord Stanley's Cup is on tonight. He's a die-hard Pens fan, so has considerable interest. Either he'll A) drink heavily in celebration, or B) drink heavily from losing Game 7. I'll give it a shot and watch.

Everyone, SING IT!!!

Well I went down to my local arena.

I asked to see the manager man.

He came from his office and said, "Son can I help you?"

I looked at him and said, "Yes you can."

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

(Yes I do.)

Since I was young it's been my dream

to drive that there zamboni machine.

I'd get that ice just as slick as could be,

and all the kids would look up to me.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

(Yes I do.)

The manager said, "Son, I know it looks keen,

but that right there is one expensive machine.

And we've got Smokey who's been driving for years."

About that time, I broke down in tears.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.

I wanna drive the zamboni.

(Yes I do.)

No, That's Not Jamal Reynolds

2009-06-12T12:56:00.005-05:00

It's Jeremy Thompson! I swear I dubbed him "MY GUY' even before multiple articles came out about him. Here's one. Another. One more. It appears he's making the transition from DE to OLB quite well...in shorts and a T-Shirt, at least. Athletic, long, swift, good burst. Like Woz, only opposite.

Looks like Green Bay has quite a few options at OLB: Kampy, Thompson, Matthews, Poppinga, the Rookie Jones. We'll see how it shakes out.

Public Service Announcement

2009-06-12T12:08:00.003-05:00

People Magazine is teaming with MLB to send some regular folks (who do irregularly good things for the community) to the MLB All Star game. An acquaintance (basically a friend of a friend) of mine is one of 3 finalists to be sent as the Brewers representative.

Mary Nachreiner lost her daughter Kelly in an automobile accident about a decade ago. Inspired by her daughter's decision to donate her organs, Mary has been an advocate of organ donation in the state and nationally since her daughter's death.

If you're so inclined, please go here and vote a million times for Mary Nachreiner to send her to the All Star game.

I promise you that if voted into the game by Brewers fans, Mary will not spend the next 12 months playing terrible baseball and publicly tearing into the Brewers fans who elected her, like somebody else we know...

Brewers White Sox Series Preview

2009-06-12T08:52:00.002-05:00

Classic Spam Email

2009-06-11T11:41:00.003-05:00

Another classic Spam message from the CH inbox:

From: Kathy

Subject: Would this Interest your Blog Readers

Message:
Dear,
Thought you might be interested in some fun stuff for your blog readers. Please take a look how fire thrills...... and kills. Watch a fire-breather's head blow up in a freak accident.

It’d be great if you can share this with your blog readers
Regards,
Kathy

I'd include the link, but would then probably get 1,000 messages a day from Kathy.

Oh, and an update from this CH email....I pulled the trigger on that '88. It arrived last month and is currently in my back yard. It needs a little welding work on the boiler (looking to hire), a large family of Cuban refugees were found in the hull, and a pack of raccoons found their way into the electrical system. Whatever. I'll get that bad boy cruising the shores of Lake Michigan in no time.

Brewers Roll Out The JV Squad

2009-06-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

Here is the Brewers' lineup:

SS Craig Counsell
RF Frank Catalonotto
LF Ryan Braun
1B Prince Fielder
3B Mat Gamel
2B Casey McGehee
CF Jody Gerut
C Jason Kendall

There's a new Prince in town!

2009-06-10T19:38:00.003-05:00

So a fella by the name of Josh Prince was selected in the 3rd round yesterday. Good for him. Hey! Check it out! He's got a facebook page!

Now, there's probably a 10% chance that this is the same Josh Prince...but it's not like the picture looks ridiculously different from the other ones I've seen.

Could this guy really be our 3rd round draft pick? God I hope so. Plus I like the fact this guy has Hillary Duff listed under his favorite music section.

Brewers draft Indiana Basketball player who believes he's next Jonathan Papelbon

2009-06-10T09:22:00.003-05:00

I think that the MLB draft is slowly becoming one of my favorite in-season baseball topics, mostly because of the ridiculous stories, stats, & quotes you get from most of the draftees. Its nice because they haven't been trained yet in any sort of humility. Don't forget our boy Brett Lawrie, who last year famously stated that he expected to be in the big leagues in a "year and a half." Brett must not have been thinking TOO clearly at the time, because hey...you actually have to play professional baseball to make the big leagues (not sit on the bench for Team Canada in the Olympics).

So here's the "hot" news about the Crew's first round draft pick:Mr. Eric Arnett.

A) He wanted to play basketball at Indiana, but couldn't because of scholarship problems. So, because HE'S A GAMER, he suited up and practiced with the team and even traveled with them! And as result, TOM CREAN lobbied for him to get drafted!

Crean was a regular at Miller Park during his 10-year tenure at Marquette, where he rebuilt the program into a national power. He's trying to do the same at an Indiana program short on top players.

So short that Arnett walked on and would have had a spot on the team if not for a scholarship technicality. Instead, he suited up as a practice player and traveled with the team throughout the season. He made a mark on Crean.

Oh you bet Arnett loves Mr. Tom Crean!

"He's been awesome, calling people. I'm using him as a reference," Arnett said.

B)When asked who he would compare himself too...he says Jonathan Papelbon and also says they have the same "mentality." I like the fact our new draft pick somehow thinks he has the same testicular fortitude as a guy who has saved games in the World Series and did an Irish Jig afterward.

He believes his stuff is in the mold of Boston closer Jonathan Papelbon.
"I compare to him with his mentality and everything," Arnett said. "I don't know if I have that look that he does. I don't know. I have a pretty good slider and hopefully I can work on the changeup a little more to perfect that and improve my split."

You know Eric...I don't know you...but I bet you have Papelbon's look. Don't ever doubt yourself. Tom Crean believes in you.

C)Perhaps the best quote in the story:

"I'm a fairly signable guy," Arnett said. "I don't think it should take too long."

Thanks for being signable Eric. Chuckie Hacks welcomes you to the best organization in baseball.

I'll try and get more stuff up on some of the other draft picks today. Power of google and all...

Badger Baseball? Enough already.

2009-06-09T20:58:00.005-05:00

It happens annually. Sort of like Bill Hall becoming a worse baseball player. Every year around the MLB draft and College Baseball World Series, people (media folks) talk about what an embarrassment it is that Wisconsin does not have a baseball team. With LAX dropping their squad, it's even more amplified than ever. It's recently been on the radio in Madison, and Mikey Hunt writes on this topic today...which is eerily similar to what he wrote a couple months ago. He even bolded a few statements for that "I'm really pissed" effect.

Look, baseball was cut for a number of reasons - chiefly, money. The team was consistently garbage, nobody went to the games, which were played in a shitty, D3-esque ballpark. Former UW baseball all-American Pat Richter was the AD responsible for cutting the cord, so the situation must have been bad. The guy F-ing played baseball at UW.

Amongst the arguments for revival is the U of Oregon. The Ducks brought to life their baseball program after an 18 year hiatus. This example is junk. First, Hunt says it would take around $10 million to start up a baseball program. According to this article, the Oregon stadium alone cost $15 million. That's not including coaches salaries, equipment, scholarships, and travel. And not only did Oregon add baseball, they cut wrestling (Wisconsin grapplers are always nationally ranked, by the way) and added something called "women's competitive cheer" to balance the Title IX numbers. Oh, and lets not forget the behemoth named "NIKE" a few miles up the road from Eugene which, no doubt, threw around considerable cash towards the efforts.

I realize the finances are out-of-this-world different now than in 1991. But let's be honest, Bucky just cut the printing of media guides to save a few pennies. You think they can afford to: build a stadium, pay for coaches, and spend the first month of the season on the road (weather)? No chance. Unless they ax about 6 other sports like rowing, or basket weaving, or whatever sports they have. That's not gonna happen either. One reason? Bucky already has a pretty low number (23) of varsity sports compared to the rest of the Big-11. Only Purdue, Northworstern and Illinois has less. Ohio State has 36, including - no joke - both men's and woman's pistol and rifle (Maurice Clarett, 2002 All-American). I'll bet within 10 years, two other Big-11 schools drop baseball rather than Bucky adding it.

Finally, is there enough high school baseball talent in Wisconsin? Quick, who's the best MLBer from the Badger State? Jarrod Washburn? Craig Counsell? This is a football state. Always has been, always will. Even when Alvarez took over the downtrodden football program, he immediately knew he wouldn't have to travel far to find enough beefy white kids to create solid O and D lines. There's no baseball equivalent for that. Recruiting big time, out of state talent to an unestablished program would be tough. Not impossible, but tough.

To recap, Mike Hunt sucks and baseball will never return to Madison. Enough already.

Whew, this felt like a homework assignment.

He's Back!

2009-06-09T16:10:00.003-05:00

Oh yes Ladies and Gentlemen, Jorge "3 and 2/3 innings pitched" de la Rosa will be back in Milwaukee (career ERA at Miller Park of 8.47!!!) and pitching against the Crew for the Rockies on Wednesday.

Call your bookie. Take the over on Wednesday. Doesn't matter what the line is. The Brewers will have him bounced by the 4th after he'll finish with 9 earned.

In other news, Chuckie Hacks has learned from Brewers personnel that the following two things will be placed behind the pitching mound when the Rockies are in the field Wednesday to accommodate Jorge:
A bucket: For which before the start of each inning Jorge will vomit profusely into, to calm his nerves.
A fresh towel: Will be replaced each inning for him...to be used in between pitches to wipe down the sweat that will no doubt be dripping from every pore on his body.

I'm going tonight, but won't be there tomorrow. If any Hackers go there and are within heckling distance, please give it Jorge. I loathe him.

The "Marquette Got Screwed" Rule

2009-06-09T13:54:00.003-05:00

It doesn't change the fact that Marquette got screwed near the end of the game during their 2nd round loss to Missouri this past NCAA tournament, but hey...at least the bureaucrats actually changed something to make sense.

We'll call this change the "Marquette Got Screwed" Rule.

No longer can a coach call on any player — as MU's Mike Anderson did in summoning Kim English from the bench for the injured J.T. Tiller with 5.5 seconds left and the score tied 79-79 in that second-round tournament game. English hit both in MU's 83-79 win.

Now, the opposing coach will choose from the four remaining players on the floor.

I like it! Not sure if they went a little too far by allowing the opposing coach to make the selection...but at least one of the guys on the floor will be taking the shot in these situations. It only makes sense. You can't have a guy come off the bench to shoot a technical.

The bottom line is this: that call lost Marquette the NCAA Championship this year (not even up for debate).

H/T: Two Name for the tip.

UW-LAX Drops Baseball, Effective Immediately

2009-06-09T11:01:00.004-05:00

Woz, Train, Vinnie Rottino, and ones of die-hard fans are pissed. Story.

Drafty

2009-06-09T08:33:00.001-05:00

MLB draft is today. Some flamethrower from San Diego St is a lock to be the #1 pick. Because it's the Nattys, he's sure to FAIL....even if he can throw 163 MPH.

Warning to the Nats - These guys have been the most-hyped pitching prospects going into the draft since I've been following baseball: Andy Benes, Ben McDonald, Brien Taylor, Mark Prior, Paul Wilson, and Kris Benson. Enough said.

Addendum:
Can anyone explain why teams cannot trade draft picks in baseball? Anyone know the reasoning behind this? Thanks.

Take This Man's Computer Away. Immediately.

2009-06-08T14:39:00.005-05:00

This is one of the dumbest things written in a long line of dumb things churned out by the St. Louis newspaper or its online cesspool. Goldy found it, but I'm going to rant on it.

Entitled "Brewers Keep Cubs and Cards Alive", the piece scolds Milwaukee for not burying (his word, not mine) the Cubs and the Cardinals in the division race yet. On June 8. Among the atrocities cited by this fool (I'm told he's called "Gordo"):

The Brewers blew a late lead at Atlanta Sunday and lost 8-7, missing an opportunity to sweep the punchless Braves.
Milwaukee opened the season by losing eight of their first 11 games.
In late May, they lost five of six games during a brief stretch.
More recently they lost three times in a four-game series at Florida.

Gordo finished his little rant with the following:

Had they avoided such downturns – the bane of every manager’s existence — the Brewers would own this division right now.

Holy hell. Alert! Captain Obvious is speaking! No shit? So if the Brewers would have won every game since the beginning of the season, those other teams in the NL Central would really be in trouble? Really?

In an upset, there was no mention of the shirt un-tucking. But I'm sure he thinks that if the Brewers weren't so darn arrogant they'd be leading the division by 30 games right now.

It's official - St. Louis has the worst sports writers in the world. Perhaps the universe.

Best. Quaterback. Ever.

2009-06-07T21:52:00.006-05:00

It took me way too long to come across a gem of a website called ColdHardFootballFacts.com. Shame on me. They have a bevy of lists backing every decision up with decisive facts. Ask 5 mopes who the best QB ever is, and you could easily get 5 different answers. Montana? Unitas? Capt Rocketball? Elway? Brady? The list goes on. We hit up this question back in March of 08 and the other 3 ~~retards~~ writers picked Favre #1. Anyway, CHFF's argument for #1 is EXTREMELY convincing....and it's a guy who doesn't always come up in the discussion. MGD Mike has been telling me this for years. I never really disagreed, just didn't take him too seriously as his argument was usually after four or five jumbo tumblers of Jim Beam and 7s. MGD, I apologize - and I've got the Jim Black supply for the 4th already covered!

Click here to see Mr #1: Cold Hard Football Facts Top 10 QBs Ever.

1/3 of the way through the season...

2009-06-05T08:36:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to check in with everybody to see who's still "on board" with the current Brewers' team. There's been a decent amount of grumblings recently online and on the radio that a trade (for a starting pitcher again) will be the only way the Brewers' can remain competitive in the long run for a playoff spot. There's some truth to that on the surface. At 31-23, the Crew is on pace for a 93 win season (and most likely a playoff berth). Their expected W/L though (based on runs scored v runs allowed) has them on pace for an 86 win season as a result of their lower run differential. St. Louis is currently ahead of us in this respect. So the argument can be made on some level that the Brewers have over-performed this year to date.

But on the flip side, I see no reason to panic. We still are...after all...31-23 and tied for first in the central. The team has made improvements (I use that word loosely) at some of the bench positions with the dumping of Brad Nelson, Duffy, and the gas can. The loss of Rickie Weeks (based on projecting his hot start through a whole season) looms somewhat large but it looks like McGehee and C3 are at least up to the challenge at shouldering perhaps half of Rickie's production.

As surprisingly good (overall) as the starting pitching has been, there hasn't been a quality start in a week. With the way this rotation is built however, we (as fans) have got to get used to this happening a couple more times down the road this season. With the exception of Gallardo, these guys are all 5-6-7 inning pitchers. NOW, that's not a BAD thing. But there are going to be 2 week stretches where each guy goes 6 or 7 plus, and there are going to stretches (similar to this week) where maybe Gallardo struggles for a game and next thing you know each guy is struggling to get 5 innings in. Nature of the business.

So what are the major problems of the team? I see 3 main areas of improvement, 2 of which have been shoved down your throats numerous times so far this year all over, the last hasn't been mentioned much.
Manny Parra:
Just can't figure the guy out. He started off sucky, then went through a good stretch, and after his last start is at the low point of his young career. After his last start Adam McCalvy reported some alarming stats for the guy: At that time he led the NL in walks, losses, and earned runs. EGAD! We know two things about Parra: 1) The Brewers need him to be the pitcher he was in the first half of last year to succeed this year, and 2) he is seriously costing the Brewers wins so far with his abysmal performance. These 2 things don't mesh well. I'm just not sure how much more of a leash he's got, especially with Tim Dillard throwing quality innings down in AAA ball.
Bill Hall: I think it's safe to say the ONLY reason Bill Hall gets any playing time right now is because of his contract. The man is just putrid (yet somehow is currently the 3rd vote getter in the NL All Star voting amongst 3rd basemen...thanks Milwaukee!). A guy called in to the 1250 post game show last night and said what needed to be said. Hall's contract is what it is. Macha and Sveum need to sit him down NOW...TODAY...and say if he doesn't change his batting stance, listen to Sveum and maybe try to give this team a little help with the bat in the 2nd half of the season, he will be buried on the bench with almost 0 playing time because he can't be trusted as a pinch hitter. He will not see the field unless he listens to Sveum. It's gotten past the point of any kind of defense for Bill Hall. He's the worst player on the team. It's that simple. Yeah...I'll say Jody Gerut is better. Hell, I'll even say Kendall is better, and I'm about to bash him in my next paragraph.
Jason Kendall: Here's one that not many people are talking about. Jason Kendall. Good God is he done with the stick. After 178 plate appearances, he is slugging .260. TWO FREAKING SIXTY! You know who could slug .260 after 178 plate appearances in the major leagues? I'll tell you. ANYBODY. The receptionists who work in my office could do that. Matt's wife could do that. Watching a Jason Kendall at bat right now is like getting your teeth pulled. You do nothing but cringe and moan the entire time and you want it to be over. I know he's around for his defense and he brings hard to quantify "intangibles" to the table...but here's the question guys: AT WHAT POINT does Kendall's complete inability to be any kind of an offensive threat outweigh whatever value you want to assign to his defense and intangibles? I'm not sure of the answer to that. All I know is that with Mike Rivera, you are getting much more offense then you would with Kendall without losing as much on the defensive side. I mean really, is Rivera that bad? Of course not. I just hope that as we move forward into the season, Kendall's playing time decreases from 80% to closer to 50%. Who knows, maybe at this point in his career the decreased playing time with only boost his numbers.

We're all interested to hear in what you guys think. I'm still sticking with my original prediction of the Brewers being a 94 win team.

The Milwaukee Tough Guys?

2009-06-05T08:34:00.003-05:00

A blogger did considerable research breaking down MLB injuries from 2002-2008. Impressive work, indeed. In the "Total Days Lost" category, the Brewers come in with the 4th fewest in baseball. Nice! And that's WITH Ben "Handle With Care" Sheets on the roster! The Reds far and away lead this category. Pussies.

Good work from Beyond The Box Score.

Join us Live at the Sportsbubbler!

2009-06-04T17:17:00.004-05:00

Hey! Goldy and I (and possibly Brad...if his wife lets him) will apparently be "live blogging" the Brewer-Marlins game tonight.

Go here and look for the Brewers-Marlins game 4 live blog.

Now, I have no idea what this all entails. All I do know is that whatever it is, I'm going to dominate it, Woz style. Cause that's how I roll.

Today's Funny...

2009-06-04T14:16:00.001-05:00

...is brought to you by Sammy Sosa (via thebiglead.com):

"I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?"

Quote of the Night

2009-06-03T22:16:00.003-05:00

Seth McClung, interviewed on Brewers Live after the game and talking about swinging at the first pitch with the bases loaded and two outs (this is paraphrased):

John Baker, the catcher, let a little gas go back there and it smelled pretty bad. So I had to get out of there quick.

I think he was kidding. Maybe.

See what you miss Woz when you refuse to watch Brewers Live?

Kampman

2009-06-02T21:19:00.001-05:00

So Aaron Kampman is silent. Mute. Hasn’t said a word about the Pack’s new 3-4 defense. Everyone assumes he’s pissed. It would make sense as A) he’s one of the best 4-3 DE’s in football, B) he’s entering the last year of his deal (and at age 30, this will be his last big pay day) and could lose some cash if failing in the new D.

Personally, because he’s such a good guy (and I have a Bromance with him), I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he wants to run around for a few weeks in the 3-4 before commenting. Maybe he hasn’t “bought in” to the new scheme and wants to take it for a test drive.

It’s a tough situation for him and the Packers. If they trade him, my ears are already ringing with the chorus of: “In two straight off seasons, Ted’s traded Favre and Kampman – their two best players….why would they trade their best locker room leader…he’s a great Packer, why not give him a year to see if he can play OLB…blah, blah, blah.”

If they don’t trade him and he busts it’s: “Who the hell thought he could ever play in that scheme...what a waste of talent….blah, blah, blah.”

I think it will be boom or bust with Kampman. Either he’ll excel, or be crappy. I certainly hope it’s the former. Oh, and I really hope he doesn’t change his uniform number, which has been talked about. Just bought a #74 last offseason.

Tomorrow is another chance for Kamp to talk to the media. Will it be statements or silence from the Packers sack master? (Mike Hunt me!)

K-Bye Better Than Brad Nelson's

2009-06-02T11:10:00.001-05:00

George Julio driving himself and his tanker truck out of Milwaukee. Good riddance.

10,509 - Whatever

2009-06-02T10:21:00.001-05:00

That was the attendance last night in Miami. Riiiiiiiight.

It's a baseball town!

2009-06-01T19:07:00.003-05:00

There may...I repeat...MAY be 300 people in the stands tonight at the Marlins-Brewers game. For shame.

As I type this...Prince Fielder just got thrown out stealing 3rd base, and it may have been one of the worst baseball decisions I have ever seen.

Perhaps the swine flu has taken over Florida?

FSU Beat Ohio State 37-6..and It Wasn't Even a BCS Game.

2009-06-01T11:20:00.002-05:00

Nope, this wasn't Bobby Bowden dropping a late 4th quarter flea-flicker in the Sugar Bowl. This was in baseball.

What's With Willie Randolph's Hat?

2009-06-01T09:05:00.001-05:00

His cap is HUGE...it looks like a chef's hat. This thing is too big for Barry Bonds!

Brandon Phillips isn't impressed...

2009-05-31T18:59:00.005-05:00

So the Brewers finished up a sweep of the Reds this afternoon with a standard Brewer type victory: got up early then opened it up with a home run, then coasted the rest of the way with Yo on the mound. Nice game for a Sunday.

But Brandon Phillips had a little more to say after the game.

>"I feel like we're a better team than the Brewers," he said. "But today, they executed better than we did. They did the little things. We didn't do the little things the last two games. That's why they won the game."

Now, I don't mind Phillip's confident attitude (Example A: Ryan Braun thinks he's the best baseball player ever) but I just find timing of the quote sort of amusing. His team just got swept in a series in relatively convincing fashion in 2 of the games by a reigning playoff team and current division leader. He then chooses that time to state that he "feels" his team is a better team.

I'd also like to know if he considers 2 & 3 run home runs to be "little things."

For the record, I do think the Reds are a dangerous team with weapons at the key spots. Just now sure about them over a 162 game season (pure opinion). I just found the fact weird that Phillips would choose to say this to the media at this juncture. We'll see if his quote gets any reaction from the Brewers clubhouse the next day or so.

Sweep the Reds!

2009-05-31T07:59:00.000-05:00

Very nice win tonight

2009-05-30T21:24:00.003-05:00

That was a great game to watch today. Great to see the bats finally wake up in the 5th. It would be nice to kill the Reds tomorrow and have some great momentum heading in to the 7 game road trip. Very good effort by McClung. Plus, he got to run the bases. Also good to see Corey Hart get on a couple times. Hopefully the homer yesterday can get him going.

Also would like to mention the every special moment that occurred at Friday night's game. For the first time ever, all 4 Chuckie Hackers were together at one location. Thee meeting occurred at the entrance to Section 424. It was quite the occasion, I assure you.

Fun with Numbers on a Friday

2009-05-29T11:28:00.003-05:00

Pop Quiz for all the loyal CH readers:

The subject is Mr. Chad Fox. Former Brewer reliever and standard MLB journeyman. Guy is/was hurt constantly.

How much cash do you think over the course of his career he made per inning?

No cheating. The numbers are pulled from his baseball reference page. I find it somewhat laughable if you think about in the grand scheme of things.

Friday Trivia

2009-05-29T11:22:00.002-05:00

Brewers career OBP leaders - Name the Top 5? No cheating.

Goldy's Response: "What Do You Mean, Right Now?"

2009-05-28T21:54:00.005-05:00

I saw this earlier today but didn't have time to throw it up on the old blog.

Here's my quote of the week, compliments of Corey Hart, as told to Anthony Witrado in his story on the J-S:

"I'm (terrible) right now. That's my quote," Hart said.

Who says professional athletes lack self-awareness? And what's with the parentheses? Did he use a naughty word in place of (terrible)?

How Will Life Ever Continue?

2009-05-28T21:53:00.003-05:00

With the news that Ohio State and Michigan (Wisconsin, too) have cut the printing of Media Guides out of their budgets, CBSSportsline's Dennis Dodd (who I like) goes slightly overboard. Slightly. Let me count the ways:

1) The post title is "The end of Western Civilization."

2) First sentence: "It has begun, the great unraveling of a literate society." At this point, I'm giggling while Dodd is being sarcastic, right?

3) Predictably, coach's salaries come into play: " In related news, ADs Bill Martin and Gene Smith aren't going to take a pay cut. Rich Rodriguez and Jim Tressel will continue to be millionaires."

4) "Put everything on the Internet. Fine." Great idea, I was going to bring this up.

5) "We're a power outage away from losing the history of a sport." Um, really? Probably not. This is getting out of control.

6) No, NOW it's out of control: "There's a reason the Vatican puts its library treasures in hermetically sealed vaults. They value the church's history. Major-college sports is trying to lose theirs." Wow. Kent State media guide, The Bible....Kent State media guide, The Bible....

7) "But if I were the sports information director who used to edit and publish guides, I'd be worried. You're next. Really, this is a big part of their job. They spend months organizing these guides. " Sounds like a pretty cake job with a decent salary and outstanding state benefits...probably don't need them anyway!

8) "That's what it has come in major college sports. They've hampered our ability to do our jobs, unless we would happen to pay the appropriate rights fees."

9) "Make us pay for our seats in the press box. Don't feed us while we're there working for eight hours. Turn off the air conditioning, anything! But let us have our work tools at our fingertips."

Easy there, soldier. Dodd really, really likes media guides. Here's an idea. Go Office Max. Buy a ream of Dunder Mifflin paper. Go home. Fire up your porn downloader. Put said paper into printer. Go to NE Roast Beef Tech's Athletic Website. Find the Media Guide. Click File-Print. Wait for Media Guide to come out of printer.

There you go, Dennis. Now you can use this document for work while protecting it like it was written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John in 22 B.C.

Really?

2009-05-28T13:54:00.002-05:00

Somebody still thinks its a good idea to give Eric Gagne money to play baseball.

Gagne Signs With Cam-Am Team

Hat tip to Cobra.